My Favorite Tweets Part 1

Being the narcissist that I am, these are all my own tweets. I’m reposting my tweets because I have a negligible amount of twitter followers and I want more people to read my shit, even if it’s mediocre shit.

@tedgaming_ted

 

I wiki’d – “..the condition of having at least three loose or liquid bowel movements each day..” I thought I only need 1

When my is about to get interrupted, it’s hard to decide whether I should stop or finish.

It’s okay for to describe themselves as “good at playing with kids.” It’s less okay for to say it.

The most I got this month was walking to the store to buy chips. The more I bought, the more of a workout I would get carrying it.

I hate using the word “whom”. It always sound so : “Look at me, I know how to use it properly.”

I’m either a high functioning or a low functioning non autistic.

When drops in the , for a moment, I freeze and wonder if I should reach in for it. Then I realize, , of course I should!

aside, I have so much in common with

Don’t be a about pussies.

When I’m , I get a big on my face and that makes me .

 

 

 

Sad. Funny. Truthful. Podcast Episode 48 – 911 And Fleshlight

I talked with Jason in this episode about a bunch of stuff from 911 to fleshlights. Check it out.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/tizg4kau4jih39b/SFT-0048-911_And_Fleshlight.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/Nq9zJhmH3jM

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

Sad. Funny. Truthful. Podcast Episode 46 – As Usual I Talk About Masturbation With Justin

I don’t know why but I seem to talk about masturbation a lot when I talk to Justin. (Everytime I write that sentence, I have to because not to accidentally write “masturbating with Justin”.) We also talked about a bunch of other things like parents and aliens (separate topics, not alien parents though that might be interesting).

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/90mkrxk64fiu8yv/SFT-0046-As_Usual_I_Talk_About_Masturbation_With_Justin.mp3

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6-S1Jqih1s

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

SFT Podcast Episode 43 – First Time Excretions With Justin

We spent a lot of time talking about first times with pissing, shitting, masturbating, you name it.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/n4063xhuydgvglv/SFT-0043-First_Time_Excretions_With_Justin.mp3

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-wrFEM1lsk

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

My Riskiest Masturbation Yet

I’ve been writing a lot about masturbation lately. I tend to only write about things that interest me and apparently the only interesting thing I’ve been doing lately is masturbating. Before I get to the masturbating story, I guess there’s one other thing I could write about…

I’ve been living in my aunt’s house lately. I hate writing that sentence because I’ve written it many times already and I hate repetition. It’s a necessary preface though. Without it, things might be unnecessarily confusing. Anyway, last night, my aunt asked me if I wanted her to treat me like a son or treat me like a guest. She said that if I were treated like a son, she might yell at me more. I stared at her blankly for a few seconds. It seemed like such a no-brainer that it might be a trick question. Why would I want people to yell at me.

I actually just stare at my aunt until she said something to elaborate. I do that a lot. If people say something stupid to me, I just stare at them. I don’t want to tell them they’re stupid and I don’t want to join the stupidity, so I just literally do nothing. I’m not saying my aunt’s question was stupid, I get it. In her choices, if I chose to be treated like a son, then I get to treat the house like my own home and be more comfortable or some shit like that. The problem is, those don’t apply to me. I’m just a homeless person who happens to be living in a house at the moment. I’m very easy to get along with because I’m super nice and I don’t cause problems for people. But I don’t get comfortable around people who find discomfort in things. If you want me to enjoy your company, I have to be able to freely speak my mind about everything, like about masturbating. I wouldn’t talk to my aunt and (adult) girl cousins about masturbation. (I needed the adult parenthesis in case people think I’m a perverted pedophile.) These relatives have a normal distaste for topics like those. It’s fine, but I have no interest in normal people. Along these lines, anyone who enjoys my blog passes a litmus test to being potentially someone I could enjoy hanging out with.

Now, I didn’t just stare at my aunt like a brain-dead person. I eventually asked her what she might want to yell at me for. She ensured me that I’ve done nothing wrong thus far and tried to think of an example. The example she came up with was saying good morning and good night. She said that if she treated me more like a son, she would enforce things like that. I’ve covered my distaste in these pleasantries in another post with the whole “Hi uncle Philip” crap. … sigh… I’m tired of making statements like these because I have to explain so much just to clarify that I’m not a crazy person.

First off, if people say hi or good morning or good night, I will respond appropriately 100% of the time. The problem I have is with initiating them. I don’t do it because I don’t know if people want to hear it. Sometimes people are tired and moody and don’t want to talk so I’m not going to force them. I hate making an effort to do something that ends up creating negativity, even if the effort and negativity is miniscule. I pretty much no longer find any enjoyment in life so I don’t do anything for myself anymore. Whenever I do something, it’s for other people. I don’t even masturbate for myself anymore. I do it just to appease my dick and as maintenance so I don’t have more reason to be irritated by people. I’m like the most depressing altruist ever. Because creating positivity can be random at times, I’ll do anything that I know will have a positive effect and other than that, I just try to reduce negativity as much as possible.

Anyway… that felt like a pretty pointless rant. I guess I’ll wrap this up with the masturbation story I promised in the title. I randomly experience bouts of horniness and this morning was one of those bouts. I’m very discreet with my masturbating. I’ve masturbated a lot over the past decade and I’ve never been caught. I consider that an accomplishment. This morning didn’t have to be as risky as it was. I could’ve just done it in the washroom and locked the doors but I wanted to use my computer. My computer is visible from the top of the stairs so anyone getting up would be able to catch me. I did it anyway. I heard someone getting up and put my dick away for a moment. No one came downstairs so I resumed. Near the end, I heard washroom sounds. I always feared getting caught during ejaculation because there would be a lot of emotional and chemical confusion. I ended up staring at the top of the stairs for most of it so it was almost pointless to be sitting at the computer.

Saddest Masturbation Ever…

I’m about to perform the saddest masturbation ever. I feel like total shit right now. I don’t want to hate my parents, but every word that comes out of their mouths annoys the shit out of me, to the point that it manifests as physical pain. I haven’t seen my parents for a month and I don’t miss them one bit. However, I had to spend most of today with them as part of Chinese New Years to have dinner with some relatives. It was horrible. Today is the worst day I’ve had as far as I can remember – worse than yesterday when my uncle died; worse than dealing with retarded haters on the internet; worse than the day my mom nagged me at 2am until I walked out of the house in freezing weather in shorts and t-shirt because I needed to get out of the house and I stayed outside for hours.

Describing why my parents annoy me does not even begin to explain the fucked up situation. They bicker nonstop about the super retarded shit. Try to imagine the most retarded shit someone can bicker about, and they’re bickering about something much more retarded than that. You know the kind of bickering you see on TV that’s exaggerated for humor? They bicker much more than that. What is the most annoying sound you can imagine? If that sound was being played right in your face for hours on end and you have no way of turning it off, then you’ll get a fraction of the annoying experience I get with my parents.

I’m not even going to describe what happened when I yelled at my mom in the middle of the store when we were buying a suit for me to wear to the funeral. I hate having to get angry. I never get angry at anyone and never yell at anyone. If I don’t like someone, I stay away from them. I am a very peaceful person. My parents literally drive me crazy. I sound like a fucking teenage girl when I say that, but it’s true. I actually do retarded shit after being stuck with my parents. Prior to writing this blog, I’ve been hammering my head with my hands as hard as I could. Physical pain doesn’t “hurt” me, but I’m emotionally fucked up to the core. I’ve also been crying like a pussy for an hour now. Only one tear came out but my face is stuck in stupid crying positions. Being alive just feels so uncomfortable right now.

I know this whole thing sounds really stupid. I hate it all. I hate that I’m affected by such stupid shit. I don’t even know why the fuck I’m making these stupid crying faces. If somebody walks into the room right now, I know I can suppress all this shit. But with no one around, there’s no reason to hold it back. Because this is what happens when I don’t hold back, this must be what I’m truly feeling. What the fuck is it though? All I know is that it’s a clusterfuck of sadness.

During dinner, I was talking with my cousin’s husband about politics and cannabis and shit. Then he asked for my professional advice about building websites for a business he’s about to start. This isn’t some dumb college kid business idea where they just talk a bunch of shit. Dumb college kids either don’t follow through or their idea is shit. This guy is already involved in 2 profitable businesses and he wants me to help him out with this new one. I told him a bunch of website stuff and marketing strategies he could consider. Then my mom butts in and tells him we should eat more instead of talking so much. The guy tells her that I’m teaching him stuff and my mom calls bullshit on that and says if he wants to talk about video games, Ted will talk your ears off. What the fuck is that? It’s retarded and it’s not true. I’ve never talked to anyone about video games for more than a minute. There’s nothing to talk about. Isolated examples like these sound like I’m overreacting but you can’t judge until you have someone who never says anything good to you and every word they utter is annoying. And then there’s my dad. He’s the angriest asshole in the world and he tells me to curb my anger. He taunts me about it and laughs at me. I never respond to that because it’s pointless.

So here I am, feeling like shit and still making retarded crying faces. I feel so miserable right now. I’ve decided that I need to masturbate to feel a semblance of something good. I’m not in the mood at all but I need to do something about this sadness. This is going to be the saddest masturbation ever…

Sexual Desire to Live

I don’t know why I make these weird titles because I don’t even like them. They’re like 1% clever but that’s exactly what it is. 1% is a horrible fail. It’s retard level…

Anyway, this one’s about sexual desire and the desire to live. Most guys I know go crazy for girls and it looks kinda pathetic to me, to the point that it pisses me off. It’s not that I don’t understand horniness because believe me, I do. It’s people’s inability to control it that bothers me. Why do most people have so little control of it? When I go to the bank and see people handling a wad of money, of course I’d like to have that in my hands but that doesn’t mean I’m going to steal it. Most men can resist the money and yet they can’t resist the pussy.

 

If I didn’t perform …physical maintenance on my body as often as I do, I’m sure I’d be crazy for pussy too. But because I can achieve self satisfaction, I don’t see what all the fuss over puss is all about. I just woke up from a weird dream and it’s interesting to see myself do what I preach… or I guess I’m just imagining what I preach since it’s just a dream. The dream starts off with me hiding out in a building, not being able to sleep because a war is starting the next day. It felt like a zombie-esque environment, where people band together and barricade in buildings except we were fighting off soldiers instead of zombies. Eventually, I’m in a group with a number of girls. I was sitting in a swivelling computer chair and the girls walk past me in the nude, about to take a shower. For some reason, them walking past me in the nude was socially natural (in the dream) but I reached out to squeeze a boob as they pass me and I immediately apologized for being inappropriate. The girl told me I didn’t need to be sorry and that it was reassuring to her that she was still desirable. So I continued to squeeze their boobs as they walked past me, all 3 of the girls. After they’ve passed, I jerked off with that hand and resumed defending my position.

 

“What the fuck did I just read?” is probably what most of you are thinking. Look, it was a dream and certain things don’t always make sense. What was the point of this? Just the fact that even in my dreams, I was happy enough with masturbation that sex wasn’t necessary. I’m not saying sex is bad. If you have a stable partner to do it with, go and have all the fun you want; why the heck are you even reading this crap? I’m just annoyed at people who make it their life’s work to chase pussy down. In the dream, I even made a speech that the girls should make it their top priority not to have vaginal intercourse with the guys. They can fool around all they want, but getting pregnant would be a major inconvenience when we’re under attack and need to escape. If they don’t mind getting left behind, then go and have sex. As a person lacking a desire to live, I can understand the notion of not minding getting left behind, but I just felt like I needed to warn them about what they would be getting themselves into.

 

Okay, I should stop talking about this stupid dream now. Ultimately, I find that I have a less vaginal-sexual desire than most men. Sure I’ve got hormones but there are much more efficient ways to deal with them. As a person with more control of himself, it’s sad to see other people run around on their chases. But am I any better? Probably not. I’m probably far worse off. I am controlling my sexual desires as much as I control my desire to live comfortably and my desire to live altogether. Most people would look at my apathetic ways and I’d be the pathetic looking one. I’m just going in circles now… The only conclusion out of all this is that I don’t like people and I have weird-ass dreams.

 

Tale of Losing My Virginity; Got Paid to Get Laid

This is a detailed account of the night (tonight) I lost my virginity. I haven’t felt like doing anything lately and haven’t been blogging either but my friend paid me to write this. I’m getting paid to write about getting laid, not for getting laid, in case there’s still misunderstanding because I purposely misled you. I still had to pay for the hooker. I actually had to pay the hooker more than I’m getting paid so I just got a discount to lose my virginity. By now, you should be aware that this isn’t a sexy story. If you must, go somewhere else to masturbate because this story is kind of a boner killer.

At around 6 pm, my friend (the one who’s paying me to write this) told me that he and his hooker-savvy friend is going out for massage and sex and asked if I was interested in coming. Given my lack of will to pursue any work or entertainment, I figured I’ll go out to get laid if my friend is driving and paying for it. I’m a cheap guy and I like to make the most of my money. If possible, I want to make the most out of the transaction, finishing as many times as I can. Apparently, the pro-whore friend told me that 30 minutes means finishing once and doesn’t actually go by the time. It’s kind of tricky because prostitution is probably illegal so you kind of have to adapt their euphemisms and can’t get clearly defined rules. I still would’ve asked and see if I can get a full 30 minutes and I would just ask them explicitly when we start because I’d already be naked by that point so there’s no need to beat around bushes anymore. I know I can historically finish quickly so I would’ve wanted to at least ask for a 5 minute warranty. The other thing is that I still kind of want to go to prison so getting caught by cops would actually have been far from the worst case scenario.

The plan for the night is as follows: first, my 2 friends want to get a regular massage, hopefully with happy endings or more, and then we visit the straight up full service place. If the first place turns out to provide full service, then they’ll let me know and I can purchase my services there as well. The first place had two decent ladies but I would’ve hoped for even better ones. We didn’t know what we were in for so only one of my friends went in first. The other guy and I went to grab some food while we waited. I’m cheap so I actually didn’t purchase any food. The friend offered me some of his fries so I ate some. This guy was actually a friend of the other friend so we didn’t know each other too well and I just filled the time with my usual depressing talks. I pretty much covered anything you would read from the blog except I was more depressing and less funny. I can’t imagined my moping was good especially on a night he’s planning to get laid. He probably felt bad and offering fries was the least he could do.

After a while, the massaged friend called to pick him up and he informed us that they offered happy endings. This piqued the interest of the other friend and he decided to go in for the service too. I didn’t go because I wanted full service. If I’m losing my virginity, I’d like to do it right, as much as money can buy, at a reasonable price. At this point, they agreed that they were still taking me to the other place after both their happy endings so I didn’t mind waiting. I’ve already waited 23 years so a couple more hours wasn’t going to hurt me.

Now I went to get food with this friend. We went to KFC and again, I didn’t buy anything. He bought a little combo meal and gave me the chicken drumstick. We mostly joked about happy endings and condoms, you know, typical dinner talk for guys. Afterwards, we went to Baskin Robins to get some ice cream. I didn’t want to pay for anything but my friend insisted to buy me some. I’ve been spending a lot of time writing about food and given that I’m most notoriously known for my shit stories, I’m going to disappoint you right now and let you know that this doesn’t lead to a nasty diarrhea sex story.

After waiting around for a while, the other friend finally finished and now we head towards the real climax of the evening. It was a disappointing climax but I used that word just for the double entendre. This new location is an apartment complex and the lobby smelled bad. The odor was made nastier because we all had cum on our minds. At this point, I wasn’t nervous or anything. I hadn’t put much thought in this whole thing since I haven’t been thinking about anything at all for the past year or so. I’m not even sure if my brain is capable of thoughts anymore since I’ve been letting it rot for so long. My friends told me that I need to follow through with this and I just said sure. I didn’t really care. As long as the girls weren’t ugly, I didn’t plan to chicken out. If I’m going to pain my cheap mind to spend money, even if it’s my friend’s money, I expect a certain quality.

When we finally got in the room, I was immediately disappointed. They weren’t terrible looking, but they were definitely less than I expected. They were definitely worse than the ones in the first locations so there was an added sense of regret. When I was in the car, I was wondering whether I’d pick a prettier face with no boobs or a lesser face with better boobs. That didn’t matter anymore because I didn’t have any options and the only 2 I could choose from were both mediocre looking with decent boobs. When we arrived, I didn’t talk but I was slowly trying to back out of it because we all knew they weren’t lookers. But then my friends went right ahead of ordered one up for me despite my hesitation. I didn’t want to be a party pooper and since I wasn’t paying, I complied, but I wasn’t excited at all.

The place was pretty hush-hush and everybody spoke with indoor voice. I wasn’t crazy about the fact that they barely speak English but that’s not exactly a deal breaker for what I’m doing. I was led into a room and the woman asked if I speak Chinese. I told her that I speak Cantonese and it was as though she didn’t know what Cantonese was. She asked the same question a few more times, in English and in Mandarin, and I kept giving her the same answer and added that I was from Hong Kong. She didn’t get it but whatever, we just proceeded. She told me to start and I declared that I was putting on a condom and she shushed me. I said it slightly loud by accident but I wasn’t screaming it or anything and it felt weird to be shushed. The whore-philliac friend had advised me to try to hold out longer but when it was all about to start, I didn’t really have anything in mind. I didn’t try to finish quick or slow, I just went with it.

As a Chinese guy, my dick is pretty small already and because I wasn’t excited, I was completely flaccid and it was as tiny a knob as it’s ever been. I’ve never shaved that area so it was practically camouflaged in the bushes. Like most people, I try to make jokes to ease awkwardness so I outright joked and said “It’s small, isn’t it?” I have no idea if she heard or understood because of her poor English but it wasn’t important. When I took off my shirt, she “ooo”-ed and rubbed my chest. I don’t know if it was purely an act or if she was excited because I was actually kind of built or if she thought it was funny that I was hairless. Earlier, my friend told me about freely touching boobs because he knew my taste and knew that I would’ve wanted to know that. So I only hesitated a little as I reached for the boobs because that’s the only attraction at that point. In my years of virginity, I had already thought of the possibility that boob-touching is overhyped and that was definitely the case tonight. It just felt like oval flesh. It wasn’t particularly exciting. It was fine. It didn’t get me hard and I was planning to play with them a bit but she kind of brushed my arm off after a couple squeezes and told me to lie down. I guess she just wanted to get right to my dick so she can get rid of me sooner. I lied down and reached for a boob and she kinda pushed it away again and told me she was going to suck my dick. I guess she pushed my hand away to get into sucking position. She sucked for a bit and my dick rose steadily. Once it was up, I didn’t know how quickly I would finish so I stopped her and asked for pussy. It was pretty awkward asking for pussy and not knowing if she understood me or not. I didn’t know where to start so I just let her lead. We switched to her lying down and because I was awkwardly on top of her, I couldn’t really reach for boob anymore. If it isn’t clear already, I’m kinda obsessed with boobs.

I didn’t wait for my dick to get fully hard so it was pretty difficult to shove such a small object into its destination. I didn’t really care about my small dick but the most disappointing part was that I couldn’t feel anything because of the condom. I was very disappointed in sex. I give myself a way better handjob. I didn’t know how to get into fucking positions and ours parts didn’t seem to fit together. When I tried to get on the bed, she pointed at me feet and said “No toes.” I don’t know how I was supposed to fuck her without my feet on the bed. I’ve never fucked so my pelvic muscle wasn’t strong. Not only that, but I don’t have a big range of motion to work with because of my short dick. My dick is probably proportional to my height, average-ish, but it didn’t help that it wasn’t even at its full length. If that’s not bad enough already, I also had to take a break after my first thrust because I pulled my hamstring right away. This sex thing wasn’t working and we switched position several times. None of the positions seem to work. I forgot to mention that I kind of needed to pee before we started so when she was bouncing on top, my bladder felt a lot more than my dick did. Whenever I had a free hand, I tried to reach for a boob and she keeps brushing it off after a short while. I don’t know what the deal is. Much like a fly, she’d let me go at it shortly to see if I would move away myself I guess. She didn’t react greatly to it either. It was just weird. Finally, she offered to finish with her hands and I just said sure. She only went at it for a little while and she already seemed tired and disgruntled with her hands. Disappointing. I could’ve done a better job myself. The rest is history.

Prior to tonight, I actually feared that I might enjoy sex too much and be forced to get a job to finance this obsession. Instead, my depression and lack of motivation to live just got reaffirmed. Not a great night. The fast food I had with my friends was way better than the sex. It was un-noteworthy but it still wouldn’t have been a bad night if it wasn’t for the fact that I left something in my friend’s car. I had to drive 30 minutes to my friend’s house to pick it back up. Now it’s just a waste of time and money. I would’ve been better off spending that money on Tales of Xillia for the PS3 that came out last month. Yes, I think about video games more than sex. What a nerd I am.

Porns and Recreation

In short, this is a compilation of a bunch of observations I have about porn. I’ve made a lot of observations because I’m an avid porn collector. …I just stared at the screen for 20 minutes trying to think of the next line that would justify that remark but I can’t come up with anything. I guess that’s just honestly who I am now, plain and simple. I mean, I spent all of last night binge browsing for new videos to collect and I’m writing about it right now so porn is pretty much my whole life. This entry is a composition of my musings from one night of porn browsing.

 

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

It’s not uncommon for guys complain about fake tits. But it is uncommon to hear guys praising fake tits. I don’t get it. Why don’t I hear more people praising them? I’ll be the first to say I love fake tits as much as I love real ones. Maybe I only think that because anything is better than nothing and I’ve always had nothing. Or maybe I just have weird tastes because I also often prefer girls with glasses. There’s a porn video called Girls With Glasses but 1 minute into the video, one of the girls takes off her glasses, wtf?

That's like the equivalent of me saying I'm going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

That’s like the equivalent of me saying I’m going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

Speaking of porn titles, when guys see the name of their girlfriend or their ex, they simply have to check out the video. The chance of it being the same girl is nearly impossible but we just have to make sure. It’s a bit of a weird mentality. Kind of like how sometimes I’ll see a girl that looks decent but isn’t nearly as good as some of the girls in other videos that I have but I keep the video anyway because I’d feel sorry for her if I deleted it. That’s a really fucked up kind of sympathy.

"Eeeeee-okay I'll keep this video" - fucked up sympathy face.

“Eeeeee-okay I’ll keep this video” – fucked up sympathy face.

I’m a very hardcore fan. When I like something, I need to have EVERYTHING. This applies to games, movies, tv shows, comedians, actors, and porn actors. Some of the videos aren’t even good but I keep it anyway because I’m such a loyal fan. Evidently, I like porn a lot so I’m basically downloading all the porn which proves to be problematic in many ways. I’ve complained about my internet a few times on this blog already. I switched internet service providers a couple months ago and I’ve been having problems ever since. I have this problem where I can’t surf the web when I’m downloading stuff. So now I have to choose between downloading porn, or continue browsing for videos to add to my huge ass porn queue.

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. ...Not every caption's gonna be comedy gold, okay?

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. …Not every caption’s gonna be comedy gold, okay?

Now I’m not literally downloading all the porn because that would be insane. Like many other men, I don’t enjoy seeing penises when I engage in sexual activity and masturbation is my only sexual activity. So I basically just download all the lesbian porn. I’ve recently discovered that my porn preference is even more specific and it’s fairly odd. It turns out that I don’t like sexy girls. I actually don’t like watching sex, not even lesbian sex. I basically just enjoy watching pretty girls doing anything as long as they’re nude. On some rare occasions, I keep softcore porn that has guys in it. In those cases, I prefer the guy to be offscreen as much as possible and when he’s on screen, I prefer that he’s clothed. Again, sexiness isn’t part of the equation for me. It’s all about naked girls and boobies. I’m pretty sure this won’t bode well in my future sex life, if I ever get one.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn't turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won't get into here since this entry is super long already.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn’t turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won’t get into here since this entry is super long already.

I’m still fairly young and I’ve lived with my parents all my life. It just makes sense to watch porn with no sound, especially when I’m watching while other people are home. Every so often, I would be home alone and I decide to unmute the porn to enjoy it at its fullest. Maybe it’s because I’m used to getting sexually aroused with no sound, but the girls’ sexual cries actually make me uncomfortable and I end up re-muting the video most of the time. I feel sorry for the girl who takes my virginity because I’m such a sexual disaster.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

But hey, there’s a good chance that no girls will ever have to go through that because I might never lose my virginity. I’ve previously written about my misadventures on craigslist and it seems I just never learn from my mistakes because I’m visiting craigslist again. The response rate is relatively low and I just get spam ads for sex sites most of the time. I sent off some emails a couple days ago and this time I haven’t gotten a single response, not even spam. I’m so lonely that I even miss the spam. That’s just sad and retarded.

I might as well join her and do whatever she's doing.

I might as well join her and do whatever she’s doing.

I may be young, but I’m getting older and I’m at the age now where most of my life, I’m used to seeing “working people” as people who are older than me. By working, I mean anything that pays pretty much: restaurant waiters, grocery store clerks, customer service representatives, actors, porn actors, and literally everything else. But now I’m at an age where I start to see “working people” who are younger than me. It makes me feel old, especially when I’m jerking off to a younger girl. I saw a video with a guy who looked much younger than me. I was pissed enough just from seeing a guy in my porn, but I actually found myself getting really mad that he’s so young and he’s getting laid while I’m still a virgin and he’s rubbing it in my face.

Just like how she's rubbing in everything I don't have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

Just like how she’s rubbing in everything I don’t have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

In the far foreseeable future, my only sex partner will be my hand. My intolerance for dicks in porn saddens me. Not because I want to be more gay-curious, but because I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of hot girls who appear exclusively in straight videos. Browsing through the titles, II recognized the name of a girl from lesbian videos. The girl was brunette and now she’s blonde and she looks great both ways. I want to add that to my rotation but there’s a damn dick in this new video.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

Because I’m only looking for lesbian porn, when I see the word “gay” in the title, I actually click to check and see if they might be using the term broadly to include lesbianism. As much as I hate seeing dicks, I actually don’t mind checking out a gay video just to make sure I don’t want it. Speaking of dicks, I had a long discussion with a friend about whether dicks are more often circumcised or not and we used porn for reference.

I won't post dick pics but this picture looks like there's a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

I won’t post dick pics but this picture looks like there’s a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

Even though I never use videos with dicks, I have seen a lot of them when I scan through videos. I have seen hundreds of dicks. It makes me sad to know how true that statement is. I’m circumcised and my friend is not. I thought that the majority of men in North America are circumcised and my friend thinks they’re not. We actually looked it up in wikipedia. If you think I’m kind of disgusting, then you don’t have respect for knowledge. To truly respect knowledge means you can casually google dicks with your guy friends for research. The findings are inconclusive and that kind of makes sense since we’re not asked about our penises in the census. What’s surprising is that I use porn as source that most dicks are circumcised but my friend insists that most porn he has seen do not have circumcised dicks and he claims he’s more knowledgeable because he watches straight porn, unlike me. He may have watched dicks longer than I have, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more different dicks because I watch (a lot) more porn. I’m an intelligent person and I realized that I might actually be wrong about the circumcised porn dicks. It’s true that I have seen hundreds of dicks, but I rarely see dick heads. I usually just see the shaft and I move on to the next video.

I'm so phallic-phobic that I don't even like the metal shafts here.

I’m so phallic-phobic that I don’t even like the metal shafts here.

I’m going to end this entry here. I actually have a lot more notes taken down but this entry is getting long and I’m getting tired of writing. I’ve been writing less lately and just generally been doing nothing so this has been a lot of work for me. You should appreciate it.

I'm going to go pass out on a bed except I won't be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.

I’m going to go pass out on a bed except I won’t be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.