Before I get to the asshole hair story, I’d like to update you on my chocolate milk diarrhea situation. As I predicted, there was more to come and it was knocking very impatiently on my asshole door as I was posting part VI. Fortunately, everything worked out and I don’t have a new disgusting shit story to write about. (Hmm… maybe it was a misfortune that I didn’t shit my pants.) In an earlier Shit Story, I had written about how some of my shits are very urgent and I barely make my way from my room to the washroom. I spend most of my life being unemployed and I had wondered if my impatient diarrhea would render me unfit to work. Since I’ve had so much time to think about shit on the shitter in the past hour, I now realize that I don’t have bowel problems at work because I don’t retardedly drink entire cartons of chocolate milk while I’m working.
I know how you feel. I just had a close call too.
The diarrhea that came out of me just now was very watery. I remember the first time I had watery diarrhea. As a young boy, I knew that girls don’t have dicks but I didn’t know what a vagina was yet so I just assumed girls pee from their assholes. Since the watery diarrhea feels a lot like peeing, I thought I had become a girl. I actually checked to see if my dick was still there. Once I felt my own dick, I was relieved that I hadn’t turned girl. That’s what childhood was for me apparently.
I’ve started several multi-part topics and it’s interesting that Shit Stories is the most appreciated one. Tonight, I present to you: two more shit stories. So you can, without further ado, do more reading on doo-doo. (Trust me, I hate myself for that lame shit pun more than you can imagine.)
I hate you too, Ted.
Much like the way food can affect one’s urine, it can also affect one’s fecal matters. Over the years, I’ve noticed certain foods that affect my shit. When I eat too much meat, I tend to get painful constipations. When I eat too much seaweed, my shit is stinky and pasty and takes many pieces of toilet paper to wipe. When I eat papaya, the shit comes out smelling like papaya… mixed with shit. I don’t know why that hasn’t turned me off from eating papayas.
The one (that just happened) which inspired me to write this entry, is drinking a 1L carton of chocolate milk. I’m very lazy so I drink straight from the carton. I’m also hygienic so I never put the carton back in the fridge after I drink straight from it. Combining these two retarded traits means that I often drink a whole litre of chocolate milk in one sitting. I don’t know why I keep do this because it doesn’t feel good to have so much liquid sitting in me. I also sucks to feel myself actively getting fatter. And to put a cherry on top, it always comes out as diarrhea. I really should exercise more discipline and stop drinking entire cartons of chocolate milk. Heck, I should’ve been exercising that discipline 10 diarrheas ago.
The next shit story is about asshole hair. That will be coming up in about an hour, once I finish writing it. Maybe an hour and 10 minutes if there’s more chocolate milk diarrhea coming out of me.