I am only 22 years old, but right now I’m suffering my worst depression yet. I’m not exactly suicidal at this moment, but I simply don’t have any reason to go on living. If I were suicidal, I’d just go to the kitchen, grab the biggest knife, and stab myself right now instead of writing this blog. But that would hurt. A lot. I’m already feeling a lot of emotional pain, why add physical pain on top of that? And chances are, I would probably fail at ending my own life so it would just end up being a stupid act of desperation.
Boohoo, woe is me. A lot of people can’t give less of a shit about my little sob story, even if they were eternally constipated. If I stumble across some dickwad writing a similar blog right now, I would just laugh at his miserable life. It’s not exactly sympathy I’m after….
What am I after…? That is such a good question that I stopped typing for five minutes just now trying to think of an answer. There are all these fictional and non-fictional stories of suicide, where the loved ones can’t understand why the person couldn’t just talk to someone about it instead of ending his own life. Even in death, that person is still taking shit from the rest of this bullshit world.
There are two reasons for killing oneself. Some people just want attention and there’s no quicker way to get the attention of loved ones than to threaten to kill oneself. Sometimes their cry for help go unanswered and they turn from pretending to want to kill themselves, to actually wanting to kill themselves because no one cared. Those people deserved to die. If they’re so stupid and shallow, it’s a good thing the world didn’t stop for them because it would’ve just been a waste of everyone’s time. Then there are people who are seriously living shitty situations. Maybe they’re in a ton of debt that can never be paid off. Maybe they’re oppressed by assholes in their lives. For those who are in shitty situations, I’m glad that they were able to find a way to escape that shitty life through suicide. We shouldn’t feel sorry for them. We should feel happy that they were brave enough to escape the world of pain and shit. I know I’m not brave enough to take my own life at this point and I’m just typing away on a keyboard like a pussy instead.
To answer the question, I want this blog to serve as a motherfuckin’ long ass suicide note. Anyone who doesn’t read this blog in its entirety has no right to judge me on my views of life and death. If my last drop of life manifests as readable text and it’s not even worth your time to read, then you have proved my very point that my life is worthless. Also, this blog is a desperate attempt to make some money. Yes, even when I don’t care about my life anymore, I’m still materialistic enough to wish for a chance to make some money…