Priston Tale

Anyone played Priston Tale before? It’s my all time favorite MMO. It’s an old game and looks like shit but I’m about to play it again. If you have a lot of time to kill, you should join me and we can waste our lives away together on the computer. As shitty as I’ve been feeling these days, I would probably feel a lot better to have someone to hang out with online.

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Passionate My Ass

Last night I got lonely and tried to find a girl to talk to online. Most days, I don’t even get any responses so when one responded, it was kind of a treat already. The treat doesn’t last long though. Once I’ve got a responsive person, I then have to actually carry a conversation with her which is an impossibility for me. I totally suck at talking with people. Recent studies have shown that I’m only capable of talking about myself, my ass, and the kinds of shits that come out of my ass. I’m sane enough to not start conversations with these topics. I don’t talk about myself too much either because I’m self-conscious that people might not give a shit and I’m wasting my finger energy stroking the keyboard when I could be using that energy to stroke other parts of my body. …It is pretty rare and difficult for me to carry out a successful conversation.

What? Was Ted saying something? I'm just busy staring at my own boobs. Boooobies...

What? Was Ted saying something? I’m just busy staring at my own boobs. Boooobies…

Anyway, we talked for a little while, asking each other introductory questions. She responded quickly which was great. It sucks when people don’t respond quickly. The conversation was going as poorly as it normally would, but that’s fine. Most conversations start slow anyway. I continued trying to ask some questions and answering other questions when all of a sudden, she quits by telling me she just got out of a bad relationship. Bear in mind that I found her through craigslist where she was posting an ad looking for a relationship.

Totally unrelated image. If the picture is small enough, it looks like she has a weirdly shaped bottom lip.

Totally unrelated image. If the picture is small enough, it looks like she has a weirdly shaped bottom lip.

Without knowing wtf just happened and having nothing else to do in life, I emailed her back and asked what it was that abruptly made her stop giving a fuck. This is the conversation that followed:

Her:

I’m just a really passionate person

and it doesn’t really seem like you’re that passionate about anything

which is a big thing for me

I’m sorry

Being passionate is a big thing for me, like my big round ass.

Being passionate is a big thing for me, like my big round ass.

Okay, fair enough. And here’s how I responded:

Hmm… well I’m pretty passionate about comedy and the work I produce be it a blog, stand up material, or video games. I’m not passionate in the sense that I won’t ramble on about them to someone who might not be interested. I’m passionate about improving my life enough that I’m still trying to talk to you some more and see if we can be friends or anything. But at the same time I’m not going to stalk you and try forever. If I still don’t turn you around at all with this email then I’m done trying. I’m just a reasonable person. Too reasonable to a fault maybe.

I mentioned earlier that I’m very flexible with my interests so I can try to get passionate about the things you’re passionate about. That’s one of the advantage of me being an open slate.

Sure, I may sound like a desperate little bitch but I think was still being very fair and should at least be given a shot to CHAT; I’m not asking for her virgin pussy or anything.

Ted is such a whiny little bitch...

Ted is such a whiny little bitch…

And finally, this is how she responds:

I don’t want someone who just picks up my interests

I want someone who has their own interests they’re passionate about, some of which are in common

I’m sorry, you’re probably really nice, just not what I’m looking for.

She doesn’t want someone who’ll do things for her? Is she a masochist or retarded? She had previously mentioned that she liked baking, cooking, and singing. She’s basically looking for a guy who doesn’t share her interests and will probably treat her like shit, or a homosexual.

Yeah, go find your own interests like crawling across a ravine on all fours.

Yeah, go find your own interests like crawling across a ravine on all fours.

I thought about sending an angry-ish email with basically what I just wrote but I didn’t end up doing it because I don’t give enough of a shit about this. I actually don’t really care about this whole thing at all and I’m only writing this because I wanted to write something for the blog. Hopefully it was entertaining enough for you.

Wow that was very entertaining, Ted. This is totally not a fake smile.

Wow that was very entertaining, Ted. This is totally not a fake smile.

Looking To Get Fucked From Online Dating

As a virgin, I spend many nights feeling lonely. I constantly cruise around dating sites and craigslist, looking to get fucked basically. I’d like to think I’m classier than that, but I ain’t fooling anyone. If sex isn’t on my mind at all, I would just call up my guy friends to cure the loneliness. Although I’ve never found sex, I’ve gotten fucked by online dating… more than once…

One time I went as far as buying condoms and brought wine to a stranger’s house and it turned out to be some kind of prank or something. In retrospect, I was a total dumbass for not calling and doing a voice confirmation first. This is one of those few times my cheapness bit me in the ass as deep as it possibly could. When the prankster told me that I didn’t need to call “her”, instead of being suspicious, I was thrilled that I wasn’t going to have to waste 25 cents per minute with the call but I ended up wasting ~$10 on condom and gas. This happened about a year ago and to this day, those condoms remain unused.

With my cheapness, I’m also cheap with my internet bandwidth usage. I was on a dating site once and decided to turn off all Adobe Flash features to save on whatever tiny bit of bandwidth I would save. As usual, I had no luck that night so I resumed working on my Flash games. At the time, making Flash games was my top priority in life. All of a sudden, my game didn’t work properly anymore and I had to spend hours and hours debugging it. Turns out, the feature I turned off on the dating site affected the Flash Player I was working with. Once again, no sex but I got fucked good.