Pedophiles Must Have Small Penises

Having small genitalia is practically a criterion for being a pedophile. A pedophile with a massive dong wouldn’t be anatomically compatible with children. It would be like trying to stick a penis into a pencil sharpener. Hazards aside, it simply wouldn’t fit. I wonder if the children being small is part of the appeal of pedophillia. To a tiny person, even a smaller-than-average penis would appear large. It’s a matter of perspective. Maybe there would be less pedophiles if there were more midgets.

What about female pedophiles? Do they even exist? They’re like fictional creatures. If they do exist, they’re probably more messed up than their male counterparts. Men just want to stick their penis in anything. But for a woman pedophile, it sounds like it’s a lot more work than it’s worth. With the advances in female sex toys, I don’t even know why women bother with men at all, let alone little boys. Assuming there are woman pedophiles, they’ve got to have tiny vaginas too. Otherwise, it would be like sticking a pencil in a swimming pool. There’s no point

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Pedophile Vs. Child Molester

Child molestation is definitely bad. There’s no arguing about that. Pedophillia on the other hand, I will go out on a limb and say that it’s not necessarily bad. Certainly, being attracted to children is not an ideal mindset to have, I can agree to that. But who the hell has an ideal mind? Everybody’s fucked up. If you’re not raping or killing anybody, then you’re probably a good person. There is no crime in being attracted to what you’re attracted to. Just don’t molest anyone whether they’re kids or not.

Does this mean pedophiles are doomed to misery? No. I believe it is technically possible to get off on children without harming them. I know I’m going down a super slippery slope making this argument but what the fuck do I care? It’s not like I’ve got a life to lose. Look, all boys loves boobs. A 5 year old boy can suck on his mom’s tits for milk and it’s not a crime. It’s weird as fuck, but it’s not a crime. What if he’s nursing off of another woman. Is that a crime? I don’t know what the laws are, but it shouldn’t be. It sounds like heaven. As long as nobody’s being forced to do anything, who are we to ruin their routine, as much as we might cringe at it. For all I know, the boy loves sucking on those tits and he’s the happiest human alive.

Here’s another scenario. What if I were 15 years old and I retardedly fell into a puddle of mud, dick first, while I had broken arms. My uncle happens to be looking after me that day and rightfully decides he needs to clean me up. So we’re naked in the showers and I get hard and he washes the mud off my dick. While rubbing soap on my dick, I cum in his face. At which point of this story does this because a crime? It should entirely depend on whether anyone’s being forced to do anything. What if we laughed our asses off at the ridiculousness of the situation. Neither of us need to be gay to enjoy what I have to assume is a very uncommon experience.

Do you see my point? If you don’t, then you’re stupid. There’s nothing complicated about those scenarios I made up because I made them up and I made up the emotions of the people involved. Real life is far more complicated for sure. I’m not trying to justify any crime here. I’m just pointing out that pedophillia in and of itself isn’t necessarily bad, though it usually is. I’m actually pretty proud that I was able to illustrate a scenario for both adult males and females. It was pretty hard to think of a positive scenario where dicks are involved. As a heterosexual male, dicks always ruin my day and I have no idea how it feels like to be attracted to them.

Attack Of The Norms

This is my first blog update I’m making on a new computer and on a new internet connection. Did Ted finally get his shit together and move out of his parents’ house? Nope. I’ve historically blogged more about gays, retards, and shit than I blog about my day to day life. That will not change but I will be briefly summing up a few biggish life updates in this first paragraph. I haven’t updated this blog in a little while because I’ve been feeling like shit and when I’m finally writing a bit again, my mom just came in nagging me about mundane shit. Yesterday she just bitched about the taxes which is still going on but just now she bitched about being confused by the inconsistent pay cheques I’ve gotten and wanted to find out more, by nagging means necessary. (Yes that was a stupid pun.) I can’t even not give a fuck about shit because my mom cares but lacks the means to care without my help. This specific incident is caused by the fact that my mom’s name is on my bank accounts and vice versa. Is it because I’m such a useless person that I can’t even get my own bank account? No. …Well, yes, but not entirely. The main reason is because of my mom’s retarded death scares and saying that if one person dies, the others need to take money out right away to avoid the money from being locked down by the bank. I don’t give a shit so I just play along because it gets her to shut up quicker but now this shit is all coming back to bite me in the ass. The shit is returning to my ass. (Yes, I’m forcing another stupid pun.) I’ve since quit my part time minimum wage job, felt shitty, bought a top notch overclocked computer with 3D monitor, did nothing with it, and felt shitty again about not even bothering to use it much. I want to want to play games [sic] but I simply can’t seem to get interested in anything. I also retardedly chose to switch to dsl internet instead of cable (which is faster and cheaper) purely due to lack of research. There’s another reason to feel shitty as if I wasn’t feeling shitty enough already.

That first paragraph was supposed to be brief but now it’s gotten pretty big and clunky with the whole mom rant, just like my life. During these past weeks, I’ve thought of writing a multi-part entry called Shit Stories which would literally be stories about shit. I don’t care for the shit itself, but I usually find the stories surrounding the shit to be interesting. I have some stories in mind but I’ve become too lazy to write it up. If anyone wants to read about them, leave a comment and let me know so I’ll try harder to write that shit up.

Finally, this last little bit is all I originally intended to write, the only part that the title actually reflects. There are a number of retarded social norms that make no sense and are so stupid and annoying and people who perpetuate them are so stupid and annoying. I heard one recently that trying shoe laces with 2 loops is the girly way and guys are supposed to tie with one loop. That is so retarded and makes no sense. Then there’s the dumb ear thing where a guy is gay if he pierces only his left ear or right ear or whichever the fuck the stupid rule is. These damn stupid conventions makes no sense whatsoever. Because of these ridiculous rules, people would mislabel me just because I pierce the wrong ear, or wear “girly” colored clothes, or tie my shoe the wrong way, or say that I want to put a bunch of tiny dicks in my mouth. That’s all it takes for people to call me a faggot… or a pedophile… Damn presumptuous rules…