Exploring The Last Of Us

Playing on the ps4, I’m dicking around a lot more and trying to explore every corner of the game. It’s now become more of a photography game than a whatever genre game it’s supposed to be. I’m gonna be uploading a lot of pics on twitter with comments. If you want, you can follow me @tedgaming_ted through my random adventures. If anyone wants to watch, I’ll live stream it too. I kind of want a 1 person commitment before I start doing that because I’m too bandwidth conscious and I would be constantly debating whether I should live stream to no one or download more porn with that bandwidth.

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Shit Stories Part XII

There are some words that just sound funny together, like anal leakage. Unfortunately, I don’t actually have a story about that. The closest thing I can think of is still just hypothetical. In Shit Stories Part V, I mentioned that I had wiped some blood from my asshole. I haven’t wiped any more blood since, but if I did, then I would’ve needed to consider using tampons.

I'm high as a kite and have no idea wtf I just read.

I’m high as a kite and have no idea wtf I just read.

The only productive thing I’ve been doing all week is writing these shit stories and this isn’t even productive at all. It’s sad that I actually fantasized about getting laid from these shit stories. There’s 0% chance of that happening and it’s still the closest I’ve ever been to getting laid.

Ted knows as little about sex as we do about basketball.

Ted knows as little about sex as we do about basketball.

There wasn’t really much of a shit story this time. I just wanted to use some more of these pictures since I spent so much time downloading them. Anyway, it’s past midnight and my whole family’s asleep so I shall proceed to use this freedom to entertain myself, feel shitty for several minutes, then entertain myself again.

That's how Ted's going to look when he's waiting his several minutes.

That’s how Ted’s going to look when he’s waiting his several minutes.

Some Messages To My Readers

If this is the first entry you’re reading from my blog, go away. Go read a shit story and then come back.

Comments: Even though I don’t always reply to every comment, I have read and will continue to read each and every one of them. I really enjoy reading them. The reason I might not respond is because I don’t have anything funny to say and I can’t just say a straight thank you. I’m weird like that. That said, a lot of the comments and my responses can be as funny as the main entry so you should check those out too, like the conversation about fleshlights here.

More comments please: I’m an attention whoring little bitch and I want more feedback! This will keep my mind active and in return, I’ll be able to write more funny things for you to read. You won’t believe how much I’m just wasting away my life at the moment. I spent most of today lying in bed and checking my email for new comments. Normally, I would just go masturbate and then feel sad 20 seconds later, but my brother’s home a lot these days so I’ve lost a lot of my masturbatory freedom.

Female readers, want to volunteer a picture of yourself? I’ve started adding pictures of pretty girls to all my shit stories and if you so desire, those could be pictures of you! Along with the picture, you will get a funny caption and a link to your site so you get some free advertising. The captions will not make a joke at your expense. It will be something along the lines of the ones you see here. This and this are examples of ways I will not be using your pictures. If you’re not happy with what I did, you can always ask me to modify or remove it. I’m very reasonable. Don’t be shy. I’ll be gentle.

More Pretty Girls? Have you guys been enjoying the pictures and the accompanying captions? If this entry gets 25 likes, I will add pictures to every entry I write, not just the shit stories.

Don't you want to see me everywhere and not confined to just shit stories?

Don’t you want to see me everywhere and not confined to just shit stories?

Oh, and I just noticed that I missed part ix when I was adding pictures earlier today so I’ve gone back and added them. Go check out what I have to say about myself in the voice of these girls.

Shit Stories Part XI: Anal Pleasures

Congratulations. My asshole hair got 10 likes so I will now be adding pictures of pretty girls to all my shit stories. I have also gone back and retroactively added them to all previous shit stories. I spent a lot of time on these so you should revisit them and appreciate all my hard work. Let me help you. https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/category/shit-stories/ And don’t forget the older ones too. https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/category/shit-stories/page/2/

Like a good book, I can read these shit stories again and again.

Like a good book, I can read these shit stories again and again.


Okay, anal pleasures. The more homophobic readers might think this is gay; but it’s not. There are sensitive nerve endings in our assholes that give us pleasure when stimulated. That is a fact. That is why taking a good healthy shit feels wonderful. It’s the way our bodies have evolved to encourage us to get rid of waste instead of keeping it in the body. The thicker and longer the shit, the better it feels. Read: Phallic objects feel good in our asses. That said, it’s only gay when you put an actual dick in there.

Wink.

Wink.

I haven’t fingered my ass yet so this isn’t a post-justification; it’s a pre-justification. I’m still waiting to get 100 likes here. Once I get 100 likes, I will do it as promised. I need these arbitrary rules in my life. Even though I still can’t blame anyone but myself if things go wrong, at least I know there will be people who gets a laugh out of it. With all my recent anal talk and my discussion with MrJohnson about fleshlights in the comment section here, I’m turning into quite a sex-freak and shit-monger. Living with my parents, I don’t have many places I can hide a fleshlight but I just thought of a brilliant place for it. Now I just need someone to send me a fleshlight so I can make some delightful pictures for the internet to see. Sponsors are welcomed. Come on, sex toy shops, are you reading this?

C'mon sponsors. Please?

C’mon sponsors. Please?

As a tech savvy person, I always joked that it would be funny if I ran a porn site because of what I have to say at family gatherings when people ask me what I do. Now it will be even funnier if I get sponsored to play with and blog about sex toys.

Your family will forever avoid eye contact like I'm doing right now.

Your family will forever avoid eye contact like I’m doing right now.