Silliness of Nudity

Nudity is silly. The only reason this word even exists is because we clothe ourselves. The power of nudity is completely controlled by whatever society deems appropriate. In north american culture, a woman can pretty much show everything except for the nipple and pussy. Because of that, I tend to look for porn with nipples and pussies. There no real reason I should be seeking out nipples more than the boobs themselves. It makes no sense but that’s how I’ve been wired by society. There are middle eastern men out there who’ll jizz their pants when they see a nude face. Society shouldn’t have that much power over our bodily functions.

I’ve been living with my girl cousin lately and I noticed her bathroom has a low window. It’s right behind the toilet and I noticed it after taking a shit and wiping my ass and realized that I was pretty much putting my ass on display for the world to see. When I take showers, I feel like I’m putting myself on display. I don’t mind it since I’m a dude. I’m so lonely, I almost wish someone’s looking. But I wonder what my girl cousins think about that window. I don’t think they close the blinds and they’ve lived here for many years so they must’ve noticed the window there. Maybe they checked and made sure that when you look at the window from the outside, you only see a reflection. Maybe they decided that people don’t get a clear view and with the abundance of porn on the internet, there’s no need for people to peep. If they’re that open about it, they should show me the goods. It doesn’t cost them anything and it’ll be such a thrill for me. It’s silly that they would want to hide their nude bodies from me. It’s silly that I want to see them. Everything’s silly.

In an earlier post, I mentioned that I should probably stop talking about incest one day. I guess today’s not that day.

SFT Podcast Episode 3 – Reading, Porn, Borderlands

I continue reading the my list of jokes I started in the last episode. This goes on for a few more episodes. There were a bunch of porn jokes, some of them you might recognize from Porns and Recreation, a blog entry that I wrote a little while ago. Apparently I also talked about borderlands 2 which is the game I’m currently playing. I remember saying “Umm fuck” a lot in the episode. The “fuck” was getting mad that I said “Umm” which I try not to say.

Dropbox:

SFT Podcast Episode 3 – Reading, Porn, Borderlands

Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjl-fBxDS-I

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

Porns and Recreation

In short, this is a compilation of a bunch of observations I have about porn. I’ve made a lot of observations because I’m an avid porn collector. …I just stared at the screen for 20 minutes trying to think of the next line that would justify that remark but I can’t come up with anything. I guess that’s just honestly who I am now, plain and simple. I mean, I spent all of last night binge browsing for new videos to collect and I’m writing about it right now so porn is pretty much my whole life. This entry is a composition of my musings from one night of porn browsing.

 

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

It’s not uncommon for guys complain about fake tits. But it is uncommon to hear guys praising fake tits. I don’t get it. Why don’t I hear more people praising them? I’ll be the first to say I love fake tits as much as I love real ones. Maybe I only think that because anything is better than nothing and I’ve always had nothing. Or maybe I just have weird tastes because I also often prefer girls with glasses. There’s a porn video called Girls With Glasses but 1 minute into the video, one of the girls takes off her glasses, wtf?

That's like the equivalent of me saying I'm going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

That’s like the equivalent of me saying I’m going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

Speaking of porn titles, when guys see the name of their girlfriend or their ex, they simply have to check out the video. The chance of it being the same girl is nearly impossible but we just have to make sure. It’s a bit of a weird mentality. Kind of like how sometimes I’ll see a girl that looks decent but isn’t nearly as good as some of the girls in other videos that I have but I keep the video anyway because I’d feel sorry for her if I deleted it. That’s a really fucked up kind of sympathy.

"Eeeeee-okay I'll keep this video" - fucked up sympathy face.

“Eeeeee-okay I’ll keep this video” – fucked up sympathy face.

I’m a very hardcore fan. When I like something, I need to have EVERYTHING. This applies to games, movies, tv shows, comedians, actors, and porn actors. Some of the videos aren’t even good but I keep it anyway because I’m such a loyal fan. Evidently, I like porn a lot so I’m basically downloading all the porn which proves to be problematic in many ways. I’ve complained about my internet a few times on this blog already. I switched internet service providers a couple months ago and I’ve been having problems ever since. I have this problem where I can’t surf the web when I’m downloading stuff. So now I have to choose between downloading porn, or continue browsing for videos to add to my huge ass porn queue.

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. ...Not every caption's gonna be comedy gold, okay?

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. …Not every caption’s gonna be comedy gold, okay?

Now I’m not literally downloading all the porn because that would be insane. Like many other men, I don’t enjoy seeing penises when I engage in sexual activity and masturbation is my only sexual activity. So I basically just download all the lesbian porn. I’ve recently discovered that my porn preference is even more specific and it’s fairly odd. It turns out that I don’t like sexy girls. I actually don’t like watching sex, not even lesbian sex. I basically just enjoy watching pretty girls doing anything as long as they’re nude. On some rare occasions, I keep softcore porn that has guys in it. In those cases, I prefer the guy to be offscreen as much as possible and when he’s on screen, I prefer that he’s clothed. Again, sexiness isn’t part of the equation for me. It’s all about naked girls and boobies. I’m pretty sure this won’t bode well in my future sex life, if I ever get one.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn't turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won't get into here since this entry is super long already.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn’t turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won’t get into here since this entry is super long already.

I’m still fairly young and I’ve lived with my parents all my life. It just makes sense to watch porn with no sound, especially when I’m watching while other people are home. Every so often, I would be home alone and I decide to unmute the porn to enjoy it at its fullest. Maybe it’s because I’m used to getting sexually aroused with no sound, but the girls’ sexual cries actually make me uncomfortable and I end up re-muting the video most of the time. I feel sorry for the girl who takes my virginity because I’m such a sexual disaster.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

But hey, there’s a good chance that no girls will ever have to go through that because I might never lose my virginity. I’ve previously written about my misadventures on craigslist and it seems I just never learn from my mistakes because I’m visiting craigslist again. The response rate is relatively low and I just get spam ads for sex sites most of the time. I sent off some emails a couple days ago and this time I haven’t gotten a single response, not even spam. I’m so lonely that I even miss the spam. That’s just sad and retarded.

I might as well join her and do whatever she's doing.

I might as well join her and do whatever she’s doing.

I may be young, but I’m getting older and I’m at the age now where most of my life, I’m used to seeing “working people” as people who are older than me. By working, I mean anything that pays pretty much: restaurant waiters, grocery store clerks, customer service representatives, actors, porn actors, and literally everything else. But now I’m at an age where I start to see “working people” who are younger than me. It makes me feel old, especially when I’m jerking off to a younger girl. I saw a video with a guy who looked much younger than me. I was pissed enough just from seeing a guy in my porn, but I actually found myself getting really mad that he’s so young and he’s getting laid while I’m still a virgin and he’s rubbing it in my face.

Just like how she's rubbing in everything I don't have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

Just like how she’s rubbing in everything I don’t have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

In the far foreseeable future, my only sex partner will be my hand. My intolerance for dicks in porn saddens me. Not because I want to be more gay-curious, but because I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of hot girls who appear exclusively in straight videos. Browsing through the titles, II recognized the name of a girl from lesbian videos. The girl was brunette and now she’s blonde and she looks great both ways. I want to add that to my rotation but there’s a damn dick in this new video.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

Because I’m only looking for lesbian porn, when I see the word “gay” in the title, I actually click to check and see if they might be using the term broadly to include lesbianism. As much as I hate seeing dicks, I actually don’t mind checking out a gay video just to make sure I don’t want it. Speaking of dicks, I had a long discussion with a friend about whether dicks are more often circumcised or not and we used porn for reference.

I won't post dick pics but this picture looks like there's a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

I won’t post dick pics but this picture looks like there’s a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

Even though I never use videos with dicks, I have seen a lot of them when I scan through videos. I have seen hundreds of dicks. It makes me sad to know how true that statement is. I’m circumcised and my friend is not. I thought that the majority of men in North America are circumcised and my friend thinks they’re not. We actually looked it up in wikipedia. If you think I’m kind of disgusting, then you don’t have respect for knowledge. To truly respect knowledge means you can casually google dicks with your guy friends for research. The findings are inconclusive and that kind of makes sense since we’re not asked about our penises in the census. What’s surprising is that I use porn as source that most dicks are circumcised but my friend insists that most porn he has seen do not have circumcised dicks and he claims he’s more knowledgeable because he watches straight porn, unlike me. He may have watched dicks longer than I have, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more different dicks because I watch (a lot) more porn. I’m an intelligent person and I realized that I might actually be wrong about the circumcised porn dicks. It’s true that I have seen hundreds of dicks, but I rarely see dick heads. I usually just see the shaft and I move on to the next video.

I'm so phallic-phobic that I don't even like the metal shafts here.

I’m so phallic-phobic that I don’t even like the metal shafts here.

I’m going to end this entry here. I actually have a lot more notes taken down but this entry is getting long and I’m getting tired of writing. I’ve been writing less lately and just generally been doing nothing so this has been a lot of work for me. You should appreciate it.

I'm going to go pass out on a bed except I won't be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.

I’m going to go pass out on a bed except I won’t be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.

Shit Stories Part XI: Anal Pleasures

Congratulations. My asshole hair got 10 likes so I will now be adding pictures of pretty girls to all my shit stories. I have also gone back and retroactively added them to all previous shit stories. I spent a lot of time on these so you should revisit them and appreciate all my hard work. Let me help you. https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/category/shit-stories/ And don’t forget the older ones too. https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/category/shit-stories/page/2/

Like a good book, I can read these shit stories again and again.

Like a good book, I can read these shit stories again and again.


Okay, anal pleasures. The more homophobic readers might think this is gay; but it’s not. There are sensitive nerve endings in our assholes that give us pleasure when stimulated. That is a fact. That is why taking a good healthy shit feels wonderful. It’s the way our bodies have evolved to encourage us to get rid of waste instead of keeping it in the body. The thicker and longer the shit, the better it feels. Read: Phallic objects feel good in our asses. That said, it’s only gay when you put an actual dick in there.

Wink.

Wink.

I haven’t fingered my ass yet so this isn’t a post-justification; it’s a pre-justification. I’m still waiting to get 100 likes here. Once I get 100 likes, I will do it as promised. I need these arbitrary rules in my life. Even though I still can’t blame anyone but myself if things go wrong, at least I know there will be people who gets a laugh out of it. With all my recent anal talk and my discussion with MrJohnson about fleshlights in the comment section here, I’m turning into quite a sex-freak and shit-monger. Living with my parents, I don’t have many places I can hide a fleshlight but I just thought of a brilliant place for it. Now I just need someone to send me a fleshlight so I can make some delightful pictures for the internet to see. Sponsors are welcomed. Come on, sex toy shops, are you reading this?

C'mon sponsors. Please?

C’mon sponsors. Please?

As a tech savvy person, I always joked that it would be funny if I ran a porn site because of what I have to say at family gatherings when people ask me what I do. Now it will be even funnier if I get sponsored to play with and blog about sex toys.

Your family will forever avoid eye contact like I'm doing right now.

Your family will forever avoid eye contact like I’m doing right now.

Discrimination and Internet

From time to time, I voice my opinion about gay people, retarded people, or people of other ethnicities, usually black. The problem is, I don’t know any gay retarded black people and I also don’t know anyone who’s gay or retarded or gay. Oops I typed gay again. I meant black. Due to my lack of interactions with these people, my opinions are completely baseless. I mean, who knows… maybe after meeting some of these people, it turns out that I really hate them. Maybe I haven’t been discriminating enough.

All kidding aside, I honestly don’t have much of an opinion on these matters. Although I wrote something negative about a race, I don’t think it’s actually racist. That’s because the butt of the joke isn’t the gays or the blacks or the retards; the butt of the joke is me for being so wildly ignorant and stupid. Too bad there are so many people on the internet that’ll go right ahead and get offended at the sight of some of these words.

Speaking of the internet, I hate my internet. I switched internet service providers recently and the new one sucks. Basically, whenever I download something, I can no longer load new pages. That means I can no longer download porn while looking for more porn to download while streaming porn on my second monitor. How am I supposed to live this way? What’s that? Meet a real girl you say? Are you out of your mind?

Erectile Misfunction

That’s right, the title is not a typo. I know it’s supposed to be erectile dysfunction; I’m not retarded (yet…). Before you start judging me, fuck you and let me explain. (Aren’t I great at antagonizing the reader right off the bat?) Before I get into the definition of this term I just made up, I need to provide some background information.

I’m a 22 year old male virgin. I’m never been in a relationship and never even came close to having sex. I mean, I haven’t really tried that hard so it’s okay. Yes I’m making excuses here. You might call me sour grapes but fuck you. (Yup, I’m antagonizing you again. Bitch.) I’m heterosexual and I’m one of those heterosexuals who overcompensate by only watching solo and lesbian porn. If there’s a dick in the video, I can’t watch it. As mentioned earlier, I’ve never even come close to getting laid. The main reason is because I don’t hang around people much, let alone girls. I can go weeks and months and probably years without ever interacting or making physical contact with a girl  Being the horny young male that I am, one might imagine that I might get raging hard-ons really easily upon physical contact.

Finally, here’s where erectile misfunction comes in. When I watch my lesbian porn, I’ve never ever had any trouble getting a hard on. Even if I’m not really in the mood (believe it or not, guys jerk off even when they don’t want to…) I am still able to easily get it hard enough to finish the job, with my library of visual stimulation of course. However, there have been at least 3 distinct instances in my life where I have been squished into a seat or sofa with a fairly attractive girl but I’m soft as a… what the fuck is soft? Ice cream? As I’ve stated twice already, I have never even come close to getting laid. (I don’t know why I keep reiterating it. It seems I subconsciously really want you to know that I’m a super virgin.) I would not be surprised at all that when I do get an opportunity to have sex, I won’t get hard. However, this is erectile misfunction as opposed to dysfunction. I just need access to the internet or my harddrive and I will be ready to go. I wonder who will be the lucky gal to have to wait for me to watch porn before I fuck her.