So You Think You Want To Do Stand Up Comedy

I’m an introverted internet hermit but I did stand up comedy once, over a year ago, and I’m going to describe my thoughts and feelings on that experience. If you’re reading this, you’re probably someone who’s thinking about doing stand up but you’re not sure yet and you decided to look on the internet to see what people have to say about it. If that doesn’t describe you, then I don’t know how you came across this. Maybe you followed my blog after reading one of my many random topics. …I’m just going to keep writing with the assumption that you’re the perfect audience.

I don’t ask for much in life but at the same time, it’s pretty hard to get me excited about anything. The experience of being on stage and getting a laugh is very exhilarating and you just have to do it to know how it feels. If you think you would like it, it will only exceed your expectations (assuming you do well).

The first thing you should do is check out the open mics around your area. I watched several open mic shows before I did mine just to get a feel for the room. You don’t even need to think about performing; just go and enjoy a cheap show. When you see certain people do really poorly, it’ll help build your confidence knowing that you can at least do better than them.

When you feel the urge to write comedy, start writing them right away. When I was in the mood, I was writing page after page of material. They weren’t all great, but I was able to generate a lot of material to choose from. If you tell me to write comedy now, out of the blue, I won’t be able to write shit. So take advantage of your comedy moods and write down as much as possible.

Different people will have differing experience in performing. I had no experience and even though I practiced my material for hours and hours on my own, it’s very different to be talking in front of an audience. Even when I was performing it for just my friends, I was having a much harder time than when I was rehearsing in my room. If you’re not the kind of person who can just jump on stage and riff, then you need to practice until you think you’re ready, then do it ten more times.

…As of this moment, I just got bored of writing this so I’m just going to end it without any kind of conclusion. I never cease to surprise myself how lazy I can get.

Asking Girls In

First off, I’d like to say that life is getting really shitty once again. In between the time I turned on the computer to write this blog and actually writing it, my mom woke up from bed just to nag me about some bullshit again. I don’t want to go too far into it but just saying bullshit makes me sound like the bad guy so I’ll describe the boring situation a bit. Basically, the bank and the government made some dumbass errors and they keep saying I’m not paying enough taxes for having too much money in the bank but I don’t actually have that money because it’s a fuckin’ error. I’ve already filed all the correctional paperwork and all I can do now is just wait for the slowass government to fix it over 6 months. In the meantime, they continue to automatically send me more letters saying I owe them more and more money. Then, my mom also flips out and fuckin’ nags me about the problem. I’m getting pincer harassed by a flawed and slow government system and my retard mom. That’s all I’ll say on that subject because saying fuck and calling my mom a retard can’t sustain a false sense of interest in this subject much longer.

People normally feel a roller coaster of emotions but I just feel a roller coaster of depression. There are kind of ups and downs. The ups are just comparatively less shitty, but it’s still shit. It’s like the difference between stepping on dog shit or falling face first into it or having a piece of shit coming half way out of my asshole when a spider scares the shit out of me (not literally because the shit is still half way out/in my asshole) and while trying to run away from a spider with my pants around my ankle, I trip and get my own shit all over myself. Yes, that was awfully specific but no, it did not happen. That’s just a product of my fucked up imagination..

Moving on from shit talk, some of you might be wondering what the fuck is with the title? I seem to always coin phrases that makes me sound like I don’t understand the English language. I know it’s normally asking girls out but this topic is about asking girls in. As a cheapass fucked up person living in my parents’ house, dating sounds horrible: spending money to go out, spending money on dinner or movie or other activities. Not only does it pain me to spend money, I don’t even enjoy the out-of-home activities so why would I want to pay for something I don’t enjoy? I’ve worked out a theoretical ideal date where we would just cuddle on a couch and watch tv, movie, or play video games. That is a great date for me… in theory…

Normally, there’s only the two states of theory and practice but I’m about to invent an additional state in between. I theorize that in practice, I won’t actually enjoy the act of cuddling because people (myself included) get warm and sweaty and moist. This new state, the theory of practice, I shall call meta-theory. Even before practice, I’m already convincing myself that I won’t enjoy the company of other people. No wonder I haven’t asked a girl out in years and will be alone forever. Almost a year ago today, the last time I was kind of interested in a girl, I actually asked the girl out on a hypothetical date and she even agreed but I never went on to make an actual date. When I describe my actions, I always sound like a total dick.