Some Messages To My Readers

If this is the first entry you’re reading from my blog, go away. Go read a shit story and then come back.

Comments: Even though I don’t always reply to every comment, I have read and will continue to read each and every one of them. I really enjoy reading them. The reason I might not respond is because I don’t have anything funny to say and I can’t just say a straight thank you. I’m weird like that. That said, a lot of the comments and my responses can be as funny as the main entry so you should check those out too, like the conversation about fleshlights here.

More comments please: I’m an attention whoring little bitch and I want more feedback! This will keep my mind active and in return, I’ll be able to write more funny things for you to read. You won’t believe how much I’m just wasting away my life at the moment. I spent most of today lying in bed and checking my email for new comments. Normally, I would just go masturbate and then feel sad 20 seconds later, but my brother’s home a lot these days so I’ve lost a lot of my masturbatory freedom.

Female readers, want to volunteer a picture of yourself? I’ve started adding pictures of pretty girls to all my shit stories and if you so desire, those could be pictures of you! Along with the picture, you will get a funny caption and a link to your site so you get some free advertising. The captions will not make a joke at your expense. It will be something along the lines of the ones you see here. This and this are examples of ways I will not be using your pictures. If you’re not happy with what I did, you can always ask me to modify or remove it. I’m very reasonable. Don’t be shy. I’ll be gentle.

More Pretty Girls? Have you guys been enjoying the pictures and the accompanying captions? If this entry gets 25 likes, I will add pictures to every entry I write, not just the shit stories.

Don't you want to see me everywhere and not confined to just shit stories?

Don’t you want to see me everywhere and not confined to just shit stories?

Oh, and I just noticed that I missed part ix when I was adding pictures earlier today so I’ve gone back and added them. Go check out what I have to say about myself in the voice of these girls.

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Shit Stories Part VIII: Asshole Hair

Finally, the asshole hair story has arrived. …Actually I take that back. I’m going to delay that story a little more… I hope I’m not inadvertently hyping up that story too much.

Delayed again?

Delayed again?

(edited) I’m often amazed at how young pretty girls (like this one http://acaffeinatedbrunette.com/about/) actually appreciates my shit humor. Too bad that the closest I ever get to these girls is over the safe distant gap of the internet. The thought of a pretty girl laughing at my shit and gaping hairy asshole is a bittersweet image. I should post pictures of gorgeous girls in my Shit Stories to create a wonderful contrast of imagery.

I'm a pretty girl too, right?

I’m a pretty girl too, right?

Hmm… That’s actually not a bad idea. I should post random pictures of pretty girls to my shit stories just for a laugh. It’s hilarious because it subliminally associates these pretty girls to my shit stories. If 10 people likes this entry, I’ll make it happen.

Because of this stupid context I got mixed up in, now it looks like I've having an accident.

Because of this stupid context I got mixed up in, now it looks like I’ve having an accident.

Finally, for real this time: Asshole Hair. I’m asian and don’t have body hair for the most part so it freaks me out to know that I have hair in a place as disgusting as my asshole. Because I can’t actually see it, I have some denial of its existence. Maybe I’m too smart for my own good because I can’t fool myself and I know it’s there. I know it’s real because I can feel it when I scrub my asshole during showers.

I'm asian and scrubbing my hair too. I'm talking about the other hand you can't see.

I’m asian and scrubbing my hair too. I’m talking about the other hand you can’t see.

I’ve been paying more attention to my shits lately to gather material for this blog. (It’s sad that this is what my life has become… a shit blogger…) I was thinking about my asshole hair one day and realized something disgusting about it. When I shit, those asshole hairs are bound to get smeared with fecal matter. And when I wipe, because I’m not wiping each strand of asshole hair individually, there’s no way they’re clean. Does this mean I spend most of my days with traces of shit in my pants? Since I’m not the only one with asshole hair, that means most people are walking around with shit in their pants. For sanitary reasons, I want to get rid of those hairs but there’s no way I can do that on my own; it’s a recipe for a comedic disaster. Maybe I need to pay someone to trim my asshole hair. I feel sorry for whoever has that job.

Does that... does that mean I have shit in my pants too? =(

Does that… does that mean I have shit in my pants too? =(