Inconsistent Blogging

Ever since I got an email from wordpress summing up my stats for the year, one thing really stuck to my mind. There was a stat for how many consecutive days I’ve blogged and I got 6. I don’t know how I feel about that number. Considering I never really tried to blog everyday, 6 isn’t a bad number, but it’s definitely not a good number either. Now knowing that that is something they keep track of, I wonder if I should make an effort to raise that number for next year. I feel like that stat did help make me blog more, but not everyday, which is kind of weird.

 

Time for the random words thing again. First word is canny. This word doesn’t come up often. I usually see the antonym, uncanny. It’s odd how sometimes we would see the prefixed version of a word but not see it used in its base form. …Maybe I just made up that oddity because I can’t come up with another example at the moment. Maybe canny is a word they use more in England or something. Cheeky is one of those I think, at least in my world. I never hear the word cheeky but an English girl called me that today. I think it was a good thing but I can’t tell. The other thing that comes to mind is the uncanny valley but I don’t feel like writing about that right now.

 

Next word is balac which is not a word…. It sounds like a guy with an over the top Chinese accent trying to say “black”. Alright, I’ve got an embarrassing story about this that I probably shouldn’t tell but fuck it, it’s coming out. I made a couple stupid videos where I played a dumb character with a thick Chinese accent. I will not link it and hopefully you can’t find it since I don’t think I gave you any keywords to search. I won’t write out the whole bit here, but there’s a joke I wrote involving Barack Obama and pronouncing identically to Black Obama with that thick accent, and saying that I should call myself Yellow.

 

Next word is plenipotent which means to possess full power. That is a really cool definition. Sometimes, I think of reasons for why something is the way it is, and it would make sense, but it would also often have absolutely nothing to do with the real etymology. In this case, I think of it as have plenty of potent. This word also makes me think of Dragon Ball Z, mostly because it was already on my mind because I just found out about Dragon Ball Z XenoVerse today. It comes out February 17 and looks pretty awesome.

 

I’m going to cut this list short today. I have too many distractions right now. A guy from high school just started talking to me tonight. I’ve shown him the games I’ve been making, we talked about earnings and now he’s showering me with compliments and wants to meet. I will not make a gay joke here, lol. Hearing all these praises really made me realize how little positive energy I had been receiving. (Maybe I should’ve left out that last line….)

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External Locus of Motivation

I have an external locus of motivation. As such, I cannot even fathom what it’s like to have an internal locus of motivation. Locus is a weird word. It makes me think of locusts, so every time I talk about internal or external locus I think of a bug jumping in and out of a human body… ANYWAY, my locus of motivation used to be more internal but that changed over the last few years. Fortunately, my locus of control is still large internal. An external locus of control sounds like a really annoying person to be around and I do catch myself exhibiting some of those behaviours every so often, so I’m pretty sure I am viewing myself fairly objectively.

 

It’s hard to imagine motivation not coming from an external source. Unless you’re a hermit living in pure isolation, you cannot prove that other people are not affecting your motivation. Even hermits might have pets they’re trying to impress. As long as you’re around people, they affect you. It’s like the observer effect but they’re more than just observers because they interact with you. Basically, I’m pretty sure everyone has an external locus of motivation. The only difference with people who think they have an internal locus of motivation is that they’re too busy doing shit and not wasting time thinking about it like I am.

 

Okay, here comes the 5 random words again. First word is against. My first thought is pitting something against something and my second thought is the phrase “against all odds”. There aren’t any miraculous real life stories that comes to mind at the moment and fictional ones are pointless because they’re fiction.This led me to think about unlikely difficult situations and I’m reminded of a story that comes to mind lately about a person dying of terminal disease and asking her best friends to kill her before it gets worse. I think this was the plot of a short story I read a long time ago, or maybe I made it up, I can’t remember. Actually, now I think it might have been a real story I heard on a podcast. The situation is really uneasy to think about and there’s something really interesting about that feeling of uneasiness. It made me think about writing stories with weird twisted scenarios like these, stacking on more and more conditions to make it more compelling as long as I’m able to keep track of all the conditions and making them relevant.

 

The next word is may. The word is not referring to the month or the name because it’s not capitalized but I want to talk about the names. A lot of months have names derived from them so I want to see if I can think of names for every month. (Some of these may actually have any relation to the months.)

January: Jane, Janet

February: Feb? Fez? Oh wow I’ve got nothing for the second month already. I feel like quitting but I’ll just finish this.

March: Mark

April: April

May: May

June: June

July: I’ve got nothing for this as well. The J almost looks like a g and then I can rearrange it to “ugly”. Don’t know why my mind jumped to that. It also crossed my mind that “you lie” rhymes with july.

 

Okay, I’m done with the month thing.

 

Next word is inclination. This makes me think of my randomness. Because I find normal to be boring, I’m inclined to say abnormal things in hopes for it to be more interesting. But some people just end up thinking I’m weird so that sucks.

 

Next word is slugger. I went through a couple thoughts in my mind before I came to this story about slugging. It’s still not great so you can only imagine what crap I’m not writing about. I was in grade 5 and I absolutely cannot remember the reason for the “fight”, but I slugged another guy in the face. This other guy was sort of a friend sometimes and he’s really Christian. I didn’t punch him for religious reasons though. I honestly cannot remember the motivation at all and we did not enter a brawl or anything either. I slugged him and then we parted ways for the rest of the recess. Days later, he complimented that I punch really strong. Yes, it’s a really random story.

 

Last word is landside. At first I thought it was landslide but it’s not like I had any stories for that either. I started thinking that it might be referring to land vs. sea but it’s more commonly used in airports to differentiate land vs. air. I think this could lead to an airplane story but I don’t have many to tell. I guess I’ll just talk about an episode of Louie from season 1. The show usually doesn’t get very silly but there’s one particular episode that got really silly and it was mostly during the airplane scenes. One of the funny moments was when the security was checking his bag, they asked him what was the content of the bottle of liquid he had in there. He had to awkwardly explain that it was lube, lubrication for masturbating. It’s for technically for sex, but he uses it for masturbating, alone, in his hotel room after the flight. I’m not doing it any justice by retelling it but I hope that gives you an idea how awesome that show is.

Shitless Thoughts

After writing a few entries without using a random word generator, it feels like a step back to use it again. Still, it’s better to use that and write something than not writing anything at all. It’s not that I haven’t had any of my own thoughts in the past day but the topics don’t feel rich enough to blog about. It’s not like I’m going to write about what I thought about every time I took a shit. …Actually, I did that at one point and people apparently enjoyed that quite a bit. I had more readers then than any other time lol. I actually come up with some of my most interesting thoughts while sitting on the can. It’s one of few times I can sit and think to myself without any electronic devices around. Silly as it may sound, the shitter is an awesome place to get lost in deep thoughts. But my shits have been too quick lately. Who knew that having a healthy bowel would be detrimental to being an interesting blogger. I could just write about my day; anything could be made interesting. But I’m going with the random words because interesting mundane things are probably not as good as interesting varied topics. …”Interesting” may be too strong a word.

 

Okay, first word is strickle. A strickle was originally a blunt rod used to level off heaps of grain so that they can be properly measured. Gradually, that word gets used for a number of other tools that has the features of a blunt rod. And now, in modern gadget-driven society, that word isn’t used at all. Who’s even heard of the word strickle? I know I haven’t. If that word were more commonplace, it would surely be eventually added to the multitude of euphemisms for penis. I wonder if the verb would make it into sex though. Strickling is more of a combing motion, and as far as I know, people don’t horizontally comb pussies with their dicks as part of foreplay. Let’s try envisioning it: A man behind a woman, holding up one of her legs and tilting her to the side a little, demonstrating ample strength and control. Forming a perpendicular “T” with the entrance of the vagina, he combs his hard dick along the outside. With every stroke, it feels like he may be about to enter her and she gasps in anticipation of the good feelings to come. Sounds like it could be a good tease if it’s done right. By expanding our verbal vernacular, we would also expand our sexual vernacular.

 

Next word is familyish. Funny that that’s the word we get after I just turned the last one into a sex word. Sex is a pretty familyish activity. It’s necessary in order to start a family but then it’s taboo for it to take place within the family thereafter. Even with the parents, they have to secretly do it behind the children’s backs, not literally right behind them of course. Incest is an interesting topic and it feels taboo to even call it interesting. First off, anything non consensual or reproductive is objectively bad, but I think there could be argument to be made for recreational incest. If you look around at certain corners of the internet, those are tons of these stories, especially between cousins. It’s easy to judge others if you haven’t been put into the situation where you have a sexy person seducing you who also happens to be your cousin. Under certain circumstances, when you don’t have easy access to sex and you really want it (maybe because you’re a horny teenager still living with parents) and then you’re presented with alone time with another person who also wants it bad, you can’t really blame them for doing it, as long as they stay safe. I’m not trying to justify my past or anything. I haven’t been blessed with any sexy sisters or cousins so I’ve never done anything of the like. Maybe I am trying to justify my thoughts though since I did just used the word “blessed” in the last sentence.

 

The next word is schorl. A schorl is a type of tourmaline that is black and rich in iron. Now the next question is, what the fuck is a tourmaline? I’m learning two words here, two for one deal. Is there a word for having to look up a word within the definition of another word? Maybe that’s just called stupid, meta-stupid, lol. I could regurgitate the composition of tourmaline but basically it’s just a pretty rock and it’s much more interesting to see it than read about it, so here you go:

Tourmaline

Tourmaline

 

I wonder if anyone ever used the word schorl metaphorically to describe a black person within a group. It might be possible that everyone open-minded enough to know a word like this aren’t racists so they won’t use the word like I just did. Come on, there has to be racist jewellers out there, right? Not that I’m encouraging racism or anything, but I also don’t believe that everything racey is racist. I’m sure plenty of people have written about that already.

 

Next word is synonymized. That is an awesome word. I love seeing words in new forms I haven’t seen before. It’s like seeing a pokemon evolve that you didn’t know could evolve. Unfortunately, it’s not a very useful word. Still sounds cool though. I’m trying to think of even one example I could use that word and it’s tough. Merging is a more appropriate word in most cases and in a society where we’re discouraged from generalizing and stereotyping things, that leaves less room for me to synonymize. I want to be a synonymist, just for the title. Actually, I think I might be doing that already. I find out all these uncommon words and I find more common words that are synonymous. Yay, I’m a synonymist. I’m pretty sure I know what that means based on the root word, but sometimes a word could mean something I completely did not expect.

 

Unexpected word definitions lead to funny stories. I know a guy who once thought “obese” just meant chubby and that fat was a more insulting term. I corrected him. Can you imagine all the times he may have accidentally called someone obese? “No no, you’re not fat at all, you’re just obese, mom.” I have a way more embarrassing story than that. I’m not saying I’m not fat, but I’m also “big-boned”. I’ve got pretty dense bones and muscles so my BMI misrepresents me. Nobody called me fat or anything, but one day I randomly decided to call myself dense. When you call someone dense, it means they’re stupid. I was not fully aware of that. So I basically went around, stupidly calling myself stupid without even knowing it. It was autological behaviour. There, I used a new word I learned in a previous entry =D.

 

Last word is reflectingly. I always reflect on what I just wrote and now I have excuse to talk about it. I always talk about it anyway, but now I have an excuse too. The last few times I did these random word entries, I felt that I was unable to use the words as jumping off points for fun stories. I think this entry turned out pretty good so I like these random words again. I need better titles though. This one really sucked. Anyway, it’s been fun writing this and I hope you enjoyed reading it!

Persistent Preoccupying Ponders

Here I go with the words again. The first one is preimport. … I don’t know what I’m doing with these words. I don’t really feel like blogging right now and I was going to just blaze through the 5 words, get snippy with them and just post a short little entry like that. But then I remember my post a couple hours ago about half-assing stuff and I don’t want to seem like a bullshitter so I’m going to try to suck it up and write a half decent entry on these words. Preimporting should be when one anticipates that something needs to be imported, and they import it ahead of time. This term can only be used relatively. When the guy is preimporting something, during the the act, he’s just importing. If you tell someone you’re preimporting something, it’s like you’re begging them to ask you what you’re preimporting it for. When I feel like a stranger wants me to ask them something, I sometimes make an effort not to ask it. Just now, I was trying to think about why I do that and I can’t think of a reason that doesn’t make me sound like a dick.

 

Next word is brackened. A bracken is a large fern so being brackened would be being covered with a large fern I guess? Ferns make me think of Between Two Ferns. In the definition, it says that a brake means fern but when I look up brake, I only get the definition we’re all familiar with – the car brakes. This confuses me. I’ve been confused all day. There’s this girl and I thought we were having a great time together but then she suddenly doesn’t want to see me at all and doesn’t give me a good reason for it. She doesn’t owe me a reason but I really have no idea what went wrong. At the end of the day, I guess if she doesn’t want to see me, there’s no point in trying to get a reason out of her. I’m going to do my best not to relate every word back to this but maybe that’s what’s going to happen. I don’t know yet.

 

Next word is incriminate. Incriminate, that reminds me of when I told the girl that… – just kidding, I’m not actually bringing it back to that. The first thing that comes to mind is Charlie Day’s character in Horrible Bosses. The character is a registered sex offender because he peed in a school yard while there were kids there. When I first met the girl, we watched Horrible Bosses 1 and Horrible Bosses 2 together so I guess every word is reminding me of her after all. I don’t think I should keep mentioning her. I think maybe one of the reasons she doesn’t want to see me is because I’m too obsessive. I sort of am, but sort of not. I’d like to think I’m obsessive in a good way, because I’m willing to give it my all. I don’t think I’m obsessive in the bad way because I don’t expect full reciprocation and I don’t get angry.

 

Anyway, moving on, the next word is deficiently. Well, how can I not relate that to all this girl talk? lol. Let me broaden it some more. I feel like I exist deficiently. I really don’t get it. I’m pretty sure I perform great and I feel like people have a great time with me but no one really feels like they need to see me again. Are they all just pretending to have a good time when I’m around? Am I really so unneeded by everyone? No matter what the explanation is, there seems to be something missing, something deficient. …I’m staring at the soda and snacks on my desk and it occurred to me that I’m probably pretty nutrient deficient too.

 

Last word is hayward. That’s an old term used to describe a man who was in charge of fences and enclosures. That word reminds me of a song in Rock Band called Wayward Son or something. I don’t really know what wayward means… let me look it up. … I thought that word meant lost or missing a sense of direction but it turns out that it means uncontrollable pervert. It’s weird when words mean something totally different than what I expect. I may have accidentally described myself as wayward in the past, lol…

Dreaming Of Virginity

Jcckeith suggested I write an entry about dreams. In preparation for that, I searched my blog on everything I’ve written about dreams and read those entries. I gotta say, I enjoyed reading it more than I thought I would and had a few good laughs. I used to make a lot of jokes around the fact that I was a virgin and it made me think that I was funnier when I was a virgin. It makes me wish I was a virgin again if that somehow made me funnier.

 

… I’ve been getting some texts that I’m not happy to see so I’m a little bummed out right now…. I’ll try to wrap up this entry with a dream story. Not sure if it’ll be any good though…

 

It’s hard to remember old dreams in detail. There’s only one I remember at the moment so I’m going to write about that. In the dream, I was in a gym locker room with a bunch of naked guys and I started looking at their penises and was happy that mine wasn’t the smallest. I’ve never done that in real life and if I did, I might not see the same results. Until that dream, I’ve never dreamt of penises. Don’t try to suggest something’s there. It was nothing. This dream happened the day before I went on a first “date” with a girl. It wasn’t really a date but let’s just call it that for convenience sake. Telling the dream wasn’t as funny as I thought it’d be. It didn’t fall flat, but it was definitely more weird than funny. Nothing ever happened with that girl. I’m pretty sure my penis dream story wasn’t the reason for that, but it certainly didn’t help.

Never Not Nappy

Not many pre thoughts this time. I was playing a new music game at a friend’s house and decided to buy the controller for the game, pop n music or something. It was a little pricey but whatever, it’s just money. So now I’m going to wait for some fancy controller to ship. It’ll probably take a while though since it’s the holidays so that sucks.

 

Okay, first word is cornuting. I think this word actually means horny, not in the sexual sense. I was wondering why horny means sexually excited and decided to look up the etymology of it. It’s pretty much the exact reason you would guess, because an erected penis looks kind of like a horn. The definition of cornuting also makes mention of cuckolds which is a kind of bird. I thought that word looked familiar. I’ve heard about cuckolding where a guy watches his wife bang another man or something. Apparently, it’s the same word and is derived from that same bird. It would appear that people were really obsessed with this bird and naming sex things after it.

 

Next word is grandelle which is a yarn ball consisting of two different coloured strings. The only yarn ball story I can think of is that when I was kid and when I was sick, I used to have this nightmare dream where a yarn ball rolls back and forth across the room and keeps getting bigger and bigger each time it rolls “off screen”. I have no idea why that’s such a scary dream. I wasn’t scared of it getting bigger or its supernatural ability to move on its own. There was nothing about it that was scary, even within the dream. It’s more like I feel the fear and the yarn ball just happens to be there doing its thing. I’ve only had that dream a couple of times and I haven’t gotten sick dreams for the past decade or so. I guess that makes sense since I haven’t gotten sick during that time. Speaking of nightmares, I haven’t had them in a while but a recurring one starts with me being in a toilet stall with someone, and I have no idea why I don’t question that in the dream. The other person is usually a child or someone I would consider weak and I eventually get into a fight with him and need to punch him. However, I keep punching him in the face and it doesn’t hurt him at all. The feeling of powerlessness then becomes scary and that’s when the dream becomes a nightmare. Being in a toilet stall with another dude is apparently not scary for me in my dreams.

 

The next word is colza. It means rape. I did not see that coming at all. It sounds like a pretty cool word but I guess it isn’t cool at all. I mean, it sounds like cold ‘za, like cold pizza. I guess I should never say cold ‘za. I should also never say ‘za. Colza oil is apparently some kind of oil that’s used to lubricate machines so we can start to see the dots connecting there. A rapist using lubricant sounds like a polite rapist. Still a rapist though. He’s going to scar you for life, but he makes sure you don’t get any tissue tears while he does it.

 

Next word is cowpea, a kind of pea…. What’s with the animal peas? First there’s chickpeas, which I still don’t really know what that is, and now there’s cowpeas. They really shouldn’t put an animal name in front of pea because it sounds too much like pee. It just doesn’t sound right. “Hey guys, I’m gonna have cowpea for dinner. I’m going to mix some cowpea with my veggies.” Cow pee also reminds me of Cao Pi, a Dynasty Warriors character. And that’s reminding me of Samurai Warriors and making me wonder why I’m not playing my ps4 instead of writing about pee.

 

Last word is thanatotic, with the root word Thanatos which is a Greek personification of death. I think that name came up in Persona 3. I just tried saying thanatotic out loud a few times and it sounds too chipper to mean death. It might also be because I have high pitched Hatsune Miku music playing in the background. I don’t want to start writing about depressing stuff so let’s see where I can steer it. Persona 3 has a lot of tarot cards and the psychic I do some work for also does tarot cards. My ex-girlfriend was also a believer of tarot cards. She believed in all that crap: horoscopes, Chinese horoscopes (even though she’s white…), psychics, umm, I don’t even know any more to list but whatever you can think of, she probably believes in it. As a non-believer of that crap, I was unbelievably nice about it all. I even did some work for the psychic for free in exchange for him to give her a reading. … I was supposed to steer the topic to something less depressing but I guess that didn’t work out. It’s depressing for me at least.

 

I have a feeling that this is one of my worst recent entries. Next time if I ever have to choose between napping or writing, I should choose napping. Oh wow, I was thinking of a title for this and I was thinking about needing a nap and then I tried to think of an alliteration starting with n. Nigger was like the 20th word that came to mind. I think that should be evidence for how un-racist I am, haha.

Random Oversaturation And Fat Hooker Epilogue

It’s hard to title these entries because I talk about so many random topics by design. I also don’t like including the word “random” in the title all the time either. I think 80% of my entries start off with me commenting on the title. And probably 5% of my entries has me commenting on the fact that I comment on the title… I don’t know if I dislike these or not…

 

I’m writing yet another random word entry. Hopefully I’m not giving people too much crap to read. I’d like to think of it as being prolific, haha. I have a tendency to do something to death when I get positive feedback. Anyone who knows me probably sees that in other things I do. After finding out someone actually read my last entry, I feel motivated enough to write more. Technically speaking, nobody said they liked it but I’m just going to make that big fat assumption. I don’t trust the “like” button. It’s used for too many things other than its intended purpose. Some people might click “like” just so the person gets an email notification that links to their own blog. It can be used as a tool of advertising without actually having read the entry. I’ve been guilty of that myself. Surprisingly, I think most people who likes my stuff actually reads it. Maybe I’m the only dick who haphazardly clicks “like” and I’m projecting it onto other people. The other way I use the “like” button is just to let the person know I read it and didn’t hate it. It’s more of an “acknowledgement” button.

 

Hmm… I don’t think I even need to resort to the random word generator for this entry. There’s enough substance already. I already looked up 5 words though so I’ll probably keep writing after I post this. For now, I’ll write about the epilogue to my fat hooker story. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it before. If you’re unfamiliar with the fat hooker story, you can search “fat hooker” on the right. Lower Than The Lowest Lows is the written entry on that. I also apparently recorded a couple podcasts on it too so it’s probably a fuller explanation if you consume all of that. I’m a little scared to revisit my podcast because I might discover how stupid I was. I don’t know if those are worth listening to or not, but it’s there if you want to hear them. I’ll listen to my podcast one day but today’s not that day yet.

 

A short version of the fat hooker story is that I was pathetically lonely at the time and the fat hooker was the only person responding on craigslist that night so I decided to try to take that relationship as far as I could. After visiting her (without having sex) and learning of her situation (she recently left home and is prostituting herself to make money to pay for the motel she was staying at), I tried to offer her to stay at my place to help her get back on her feet. It gets complicated because I live with my parents but it luckily never got that far. My offer piqued her interest but she was rightfully cautious about it and I was very fortunate that that was the case because it meant that I didn’t get into a mess that I was diving head first into.

 

…I just spent the last 10 minutes consulting the emails so I can write about this part without smudging with the facts. It was a pretty interesting read, lol. I should post that someday or read it on a podcast. It’s pretty long so I’ll just sum it up for this entry. Basically we had a falling out over email before I even met her a second time. That was probably one of the luckiest things to ever happen to me. Let’s just call it a clash of personalities. Interestingly, people seem to resort to name calling at this point but I am able to remain calm and rational and end the interaction with a few concluding statements without turning it into a big fight. I do that by taking the blame and apologizing and saying we’re probably better off not interacting anymore. I guess I’m just the bigger man. I wanted to write a joke about that, perhaps by contrasting it to myself being a tiny Asian man. I don’t love that premise because I don’t want to call myself a tiny Asian man. I got tired to trying to finish that joke and I think it might even be better if I didn’t bring it up but I’m just going to leave that incomplete thought there.

 

Here’s where the epilogue begins. A month later, she emailed me apologizing for her rudeness in the last email. By this time, I was no longer invested in the situation but I still exchanged a few friendly emails with her out of politeness. Apparently she had become homeless and started living in a shelter. There were about 20 emails back and forth. Neither of us made any mention of my previous offer for her to stay at my place but I got the sense that that’s what she was after. If she had asked about it, it would’ve been tough to respond to. I guess I dodged another bullet there. The story pretty much just ends here but I think this might be very unsatisfying to read. I guess I should include a few of my thoughts and analysis of the situation.

 

I only met her once but we had agreed on meeting more and becoming friends. We never did meet a second time. Every time the second meeting was being planned, she asked to borrow money. Money was involved in the first meeting too but I just considered it a charity and an investment in potential friendship (giving her the benefit of the doubt). I don’t know how truly crafty she was being or if there was a part of her that really would’ve wanted to be friends but she fucked it up by continually asking for money without putting in enough effort into the friendship first. I still believe there’s a slight possibility that she really did only need to borrow the money but it had become a bad investment for me for a friendship that hasn’t happened yet.

 

…I was going to write some thoughts on the epilogue too but I can’t seem to concisely put my thoughts into words so I’m just going to end this entry here. Perhaps there will be an epilogue to this epilogue someday.