My Life’s Paradoxes Part I

When I wrote about my dumbassery (part one), I mentioned that there was another topic I wanted to write about and this is it, coming to you several days later. I had a few ideas but I had not written them because I couldn’t find the best words to write them in. I still haven’t found the words yet but I’m going to write it out anyway since I’m trying to kill some time. I have too much time this morning because I woke up at 5am to the sound of fuckin birds. Fuckin birds… (It’s times like these that the distinction between fuckin and fucking actually matters.) I’ve already masturbated so I shall proceed with my mental masturbation, blogging. I am a truly masturbatory being.

Lately, I’ve been blogging a lot more than usual and it might seem like I’m opening up more. But in actuality, I’m getting more secluded because of the blog. When my friends ask me how I’ve been, I just want to refer them to the blog because I already wrote about it but my friends don’t like reading so it pretty much just ends all conversations. And what do I get in return? I’m writing for an audience of 17 people, probably only 5 of which will actually read my new posts, and these people aren’t even part of my life. Sorry reader, I have a tendency to antagonize you.

Being depressed and suicidal makes me not want nor need anything. I don’t need to hang out with friends cause they can’t cheer me up. I don’t need luxury items because they’re just wasted on me. I don’t even need to eat most of the time because I don’t need to live. Do I need to live? I didn’t think so. It took me awhile to realize that I actually do need to live, but only because of the definition of the word “need”. A necessity or need is something that is required to live. So by definition, I do need to live; I just don’t want to. It would be like saying blue jeans aren’t blue. Yeah, I know, semantics can be a mind fucker.

Ever since I wrote the entry on my sexuality, I’ve thought about it some more. I find that I’m attracted to lesbians more than straight girls. But of course, I’m attracted to the girly lesbians and not the butch ones. I’m like a butch lesbian… so butch that I even have a penis. There ought to be a term for a heterosexual who’s attracted specifically to homosexuals of the opposite gender. Oh I know, it’s called retardation.

…”Retardation” is the punchline but I’m not too fond of it. I couldn’t think of a better term that’s concise and funny. Other terms I’ve thought up include: self-defeating sexual retardation, fucktard, retardedsexuality, and he-s-retard-ed-sexuality. If you can think of a better one, write a comment for it. I don’t have any prizes to give but I can approve of your wit and humor. It’s sad how my two cents is literally worth less than two pennies.

 

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Random Rantings and Random Free Plugs

My dumb brain doesn’t want me to sleep again so I’m going to write a little something. On a side note (already?? Can I even have a side note as my second sentence without having said anything yet? What is it a side note from? Isn’t this just poor writing? Why am I questioning myself?), I have work in the morning and I refuse to use alarm clocks so we’ll see how the battle between my insomnia and sheer mind power will turn out. I’m one of those people who can wake up before a certain time as long as I fix my mind on it. It has historically worked but I’ve never given it any tests where there are stakes, not that the stakes are particularly high this time either. It’s fun to be depressed and suicidal and not care about anything because I don’t need to care about losing my job, not that I’m a bad worker mind you.

(This paragraph wasn’t something I was originally planned to complain about.) I randomly decided to write this free plug entry and discovered that the 2 “likes” my blog has ever received were from wordpress. When I first started the blog, I used google’s blogger as well as wordpress to see which I liked better. I liked google more so I’ve been only updating blogger for the past few months but it turns out wordpress publicizes my blog better. So for the next little while, I’m going to be updating both blogs identically. What a hassle… I shouldn’t be complaining though because people are finally reading my shit.

Alright, time to start the real rant. My dad tends to create catch phrases and will say them over and over again for a while. They’re not funny or clever though. They tend to be condescending or hateful or otherwise exude some kind of negative vibe. Actually, it’s not his catch phrases’ fault; everything he says exudes negativity.

I’m going to give a bit of context on how annoying my dad is before I write about his new catch phrase. My dad behaves in such an eccentric way that there’s literally no word that describes whatever the fuck he does. No verbs describe his crazy actions and no adjectives describe his fucked up attitude towards things. Bear in mind that this is a man who has no friends and does nothing for fun. He often walks into the room while I’m watching TV and condescending (and rhetorically) ask why I’m watching such boring things. Sure dad, the most successful TV shows are boring simply because you don’t like them nor understand them because you don’t fuckin’ speak English. Goddammit, Chinese people are annoying. (Man… I can never give enough context which shouldn’t be unexpected since I’m trying to describe things that (I claim) has no words to describe.) (Are nested parentheses allowed? Fuck grammar. As long as the reader understands, that’s all that matters. At its core, that’s what language is all about.)

Another thing my dad does is look at a game I’m playing, GTA IV was one of them, and after watching 10 seconds, he’ll snort “Heh, and that’s all it takes to scam money from dumb people like you.” This is coming from someone who knows nothing about programming and refuses to believe that I can do programming without formal education even after I’ve self-published 3 games on http://tedgaming.com/ and have earned money for them. Turns out money isn’t a universal language when it’s on paypal and you’re speaking to computer illiterate people.

I could probably create a whole blog with daily updates of my dad’s stupidity but his behaviors are so annoying that it irks me just to describe them. (If enough readers want it though, I’ll do it. I’m a total sellout who’ll happily throw my dad under the bus(figuratively) for online followers.) The last example I will give is directly related to the catch phrase. Nowadays, I’m super gloomy around him because he actually criticizes me for laughing or having any signs of enjoying life in any way, shape, or form. There’s no logic or reasoning behind it either. He just likes to bitch. When I carry out brief friendly conversations with my friends on phone, he gets a combination of pissed off and jealous and bitches about it. So now his new catch phrase is: (while I’m in my usual bad mood around this fucktard) “Jeez Ted, you can’t be so stupid and let other people influence you. Whether you’re happy or not, the days will still pass. So you might as well be happy.” Sound advice under normal circumstances but this comes from the same mouth that criticizes his depressed and suicidal son whenever said son shows any glimmer of joy out of life. I won’t even go into the irony of him saying such things, especially when he juxtaposes it with an old fashion unsolicited (and ungrounded) insult. I guess I got into it a little but that’s all for now. I hope I was able to get across how fucked up he is ‘cause I would have otherwise made myself sound like a whiny little bitch.

I hate how riled up I get whenever I write about him. Because I can’t even describe his ridiculousness accurately, it feels like he’s winning. Anyway, here’s the free plugging portion of this entry that I intended. I have compiled a list of blogs of all the people (all 7 of them) who liked my blog as of April 25, 2013. Check them out if you’re looking for more things to read:

http://parentingandstuff.wordpress.com/

http://livelifelovebacon.com/wordpress/

http://fringevoid.wordpress.com/

http://easternseastar21.wordpress.com/

http://prophetbrahmarishi.me/

(these next 2 came in while I was proofreading)

http://yesmyheadsintheclouds.wordpress.com/

http://foolishsagewisdom.wordpress.com/

To be honest, I haven’t read any of those and I apologize for that. If they like my blog though, then at least I can safely assume that they’re not stupid people who get offended by every little thing (since my blog can be quite upsetting if you don’t get the humor). They might simply be stupid people who don’t get offended. Okay… I just retardedly went and insulted my 7 followers. Sorry. I didn’t mean it, I swear! We’re still friends right? Please keep reading my blog.