Learning People’s Tempers (Comment Greatly Appreciated)

I really want some feedback on this. I have a theory but it’s quite a condescending one so assuming I might be in the wrong, I really want to know why so I can learn from it.

 

So I was talking to this girl and we actually kicked it off pretty well. Turns out we live on the same street and knew a lot of the same people growing up so it felt like there’s a history or connection or something even though we only barely knew of the people in common so the history doesn’t actually play any particularly big role in all this.

 

I chatted with her for a couple days and all seemed well at first. I think it was about 3 days in when we had a phone chat. The phone chat was okay but not great. I asked about past relationships and she cried a bit while retelling the most recent tale. I tried to be nice and let her know that she didn’t have to talk about it if it’s hard but she carried on and finished her story. There was talk about sex – about our history with sex. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned my experience with prostitution but I did because I’m honest to a dumbass fault. It seemed to have stained her impression of me as dating material, but I don’t think there was anything negative as a human being during that conversation.

 

Since then, she seemed less interested in the conversations, understandably so. But she would still start a conversation every so often. She was working away from home and only came home on the weekends. She’s really busy which made meeting a little hard. After 2 weeks, we finally met up for a walk and talk yesterday.

 

By this point, I feel like she all but lost interest already. I would often ask questions that gets completely ignored. I chalked it up as her being busy since she really was busy. She would respond and at least courteously inform me she’s busy, but there are chunks of conversations she seems to completely ignore.

 

The walk was okay, again, not great. And from the follow up conversation, it seemed like that’s pretty much it and she’s not interested.

 

Early on, I had already casually opened up the discussion of whether or not we see each other as dating material. She wanted it to just be casual at first, maybe at a friend level or something, and I was fine with that. I brought that up to mention that I’ve opened up the conversation. So today, she informs me that I’m probably not dating material for her and that we could still be friends and whatnot. You know, the same old lines. She ended by saying I could always talk to her if I want someone to talk to.

 

I will start quoting the conversation at this point. I tried to sum up everything up until now but the wording from this point might begin to matter.

 

Her: anyway. yea. if you ever just wanna chat or anything, I’m always around 🙂

 

Me: sure, but you’re also always super busy so…
lol

 

Her: lol one thing about me. my family and friends I put above all in my life.

even if I’m busy. I try to make time.

 

Me: And apparently I’m not family nor friend so that leaves me with nothing. I’ve always shown that I always want to talk but, especially the last few times, you’ve been a lot less respondent.

I don’t know if you say the “if you want to talk” thing just purely as a polite thing or if you mean it. I know I’ve been guilty of saying it and thinking I mean it but looking back and analyzing it closely, not really.

 

Her: lol. well that is truly your loss then. your small talk isn’t exactly the easiest to follow…and not to mention I am studying for exams and working.

sometimes its hard to follow.

but to be honest, if this is how you make everyone feel, I now see why it is hard to keep longterm friendships

so I’m sorry ted. maybe you’re right. even friendship isn’t an option because friends don’t say shit like that and they try to at least be understanding of a situation

and you’re right I have no obligation to you. I did it because I was genuinely trying to be nice and get to know you

and whatever I do know about you tells me you’re not my kind of person.

 

I tried to keep this as unbiased as possible without over telling my side of the story.

 

Sure, that last thing i said wasn’t the greatest but I felt like she jumped in and became way too angry and defensive and offensive. There was no point in advancing the conversation with her any further so I just apologized for being passive aggressive and left it at that.

 

My question to you is: was my response really that bad? If anyone’s interested, I’ll happily provide more background info. I wanted to keep this first post a little shorter.

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Commenting

When I read someone’s blog, I want to comment to form a connection with them. But then when I see that there are already plenty of comments, it makes me not want to comment anymore. I feel like I would only be one of many people who already commented and that it would pretty much make no difference whether I comment or not. I like it more when I’m the sole person doing something. I want to be special. But I’m not. Oh, maybe that’s why I want to be someone’s significant other. I didn’t think I was going to discover something about myself with this little post.

Experiencing New Things

I like to experience new things. I was thinking about that concept the other day on a micro level. A specific example would be TV shows. As much as I enjoy rewatching shows that I love, I much rather choose to watch shows I haven’t watched yet in hopes to experience a wider variety… of tv shows. The desire to try new versions of things applies to pretty much everything: food, activities, etc. But then I was thinking about cheating on someone and how that’s along the same lines of wanting to experience more new things. Since cheating is obviously bad, it made me wonder whether or not it would be better to not desire new things that much. Of course, things are compartmentalized and I can want to try new things without necessarily wanting to try new partners and cheating. But there’s still a connection there.

 

I should probably be the last person to worry about this because I don’t have a partner to cheat with, or cheat on.

Cheating

Cheating is the act of breaking a rule and trying to get away with it. If you’re not trying to get away with it, then you’re not cheating. I can think of two reasons why someone would want to break the rules on purpose. The first reason is that the consequences for breaking the rules is desirable. An example would be if someone got stuck in a competition that they don’t want to participate in, they can break the rules and get disqualified to get out of it. The other reason for blatantly breaking rules is to show disrespect towards the entity that is sanctioning the rules. Just to be thorough, I guess there’s also a third reason where the person is breaking the rules due to ignorant dumbassery.

Cheating becomes ambiguous when the rules are not clearly defined. That is the case for couples. Now I’m not suggesting that new couples should clearly define what constitutes as cheating for them. That doesn’t work because once you define a set of rules, that means everything else is fair game. It would be silly to expect horny people getting together to design airtight rules. Even thousand page laws have loopholes.

Without the exact set of rules, sometimes it’s hard to know if you’re cheating or not. Just because you have sex with another person, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cheating. There are happy wife swappers and swingers out there. It’s within their rules, so it’s not cheating. The only other way to determine whether a person is cheating is to see whether they’re being sneaky about it. If they’re doing something that they don’t want their partner to know, then it’s probably cheating. It might not be, but it probably is. It all depends whether you believe a person should be innocent until proven guilty, or guilty until proven innocent.

Nice People Ruin My Day

More specifically, nice girls ruin my day. On an intellectual level, I know that they’re just being nice and not doing anything wrong but on a practical level, my day just gets ruined. This kind of thing happens to me pretty often when I go out so I guess it’s a good thing I only leave the house about once a month. I shall bitch about what just happened to me which is an example of one of these things that I’m being so vague about.

I walked to a supermarket to buy 3 bags of ketchup chips. None of the detail I mentioned matters to the story at all except for the part that I was in the supermarket. One of the few joys I’ve got left in the world is eating junk food but I’m not getting obese because I’m walking an hour to the store to buy the crap I put in my body. Being depressed, I don’t actually have the motivation to exercise and I only chose to walk instead of drive because my mom angry-nagged me a few days ago and I don’t want to use her car now. I don’t want to use it because I don’t want to give her more reasons to angrily re-nag me. To her, it might seem like I’m mad at her and shunning her but I’m not. I’m talking to her as little as I normally do but she just thinks I’m mad at her because she feels guilty. Fuck, I’m digressing. Everything about my life is so retarded that I have to explain and explain and it still doesn’t really make any fuckin’ sense so I’m going to move on now.

On my walk to the store, I noticed that not only do I not like talking to people, I don’t like looking at them either. Well, that’s not exactly right. I don’t like interacting with them in any way and making eye contact might instigate a smile, a nod, a salutation, or a confrontation so I rather just look away and avoid all that. When I walk past people on the streets, I’m actually actively avoiding eye contact. It’s not that I hate all interactions, but I just don’t like pleasantries.

Before I write about my interaction with the nice girl, I’d like to go on record and say that I’m a pretty attractive person. It’s hard to put an objective value on looks and attraction but no one’s ever told me I’m ugly and people often tell me that I’m handsome or good looking or pretty or cute (The last two ain’t that great because it makes me feel androgynous which I know I kinda am). I suspect that some of those times, people just tell me that to be polite but to say the least, I’m arguably attractive. I’m also awkward and don’t know how to smile. I don’t smile around friends and family but that’s mostly because I have shitty friends and family. But I can’t smile for pictures either. It just feels awkward to me. However, I can smile during small talk with strangers. I realized that as I reflected on the events of today. Just a random fact. I don’t know what to make of it yet.

I go in the store and grabbed 3 bags of chips. I’m wearing an oversized superman shirt, not because I like superman, but because I got the shirt for free from my aunt years ago and it’s big and comfy. At the check out, the young cashier girl looks at me for a while and says “Hi.” Then she asks if I’m preparing for a gaming marathon. I told her it was just for myself with was unnecessarily truthful. When the transaction was done, she says “Hope you kick some ass!” I thought it was a little weird that she continued to presume I was gaming but that’s not important.

Most people might tell me that she was just being nice but I think it was a bit more than that. I won’t go as far as to say that she’s hitting on me, but maybe she wants me to hit on her. I think that because I can’t possibly fathom why she would say those things to me, how she can possibly enjoy saying those things without an agenda. But then again, maybe that’s just extroversion because I don’t understand that either. Even assuming that some of these girls might be interested in me, there’s no way I’m asking them out because I hate small talk and I’m cheap so I don’t like the idea of paying money to sit at some place when I don’t even want to be there. After these interactions, I’m left mulling over it for the rest of the day, thinking about whether I should’ve done something. I’d like to have someone to be comfortable with right away, someone to watch tv and just sit around with. But I can’t just go up to a random girl and ask if she wants to come to my house, my parents’ house, and watch tv with me. Society deems that as creepy and I don’t want to get arrested on a hunch that I think the girl wants me to hit on her. Actually, maybe I should do that next time because I don’t have anything to lose and I’ve previously said that I wanted to go to prison anyway.

Passionate My Ass

Last night I got lonely and tried to find a girl to talk to online. Most days, I don’t even get any responses so when one responded, it was kind of a treat already. The treat doesn’t last long though. Once I’ve got a responsive person, I then have to actually carry a conversation with her which is an impossibility for me. I totally suck at talking with people. Recent studies have shown that I’m only capable of talking about myself, my ass, and the kinds of shits that come out of my ass. I’m sane enough to not start conversations with these topics. I don’t talk about myself too much either because I’m self-conscious that people might not give a shit and I’m wasting my finger energy stroking the keyboard when I could be using that energy to stroke other parts of my body. …It is pretty rare and difficult for me to carry out a successful conversation.

What? Was Ted saying something? I'm just busy staring at my own boobs. Boooobies...

What? Was Ted saying something? I’m just busy staring at my own boobs. Boooobies…

Anyway, we talked for a little while, asking each other introductory questions. She responded quickly which was great. It sucks when people don’t respond quickly. The conversation was going as poorly as it normally would, but that’s fine. Most conversations start slow anyway. I continued trying to ask some questions and answering other questions when all of a sudden, she quits by telling me she just got out of a bad relationship. Bear in mind that I found her through craigslist where she was posting an ad looking for a relationship.

Totally unrelated image. If the picture is small enough, it looks like she has a weirdly shaped bottom lip.

Totally unrelated image. If the picture is small enough, it looks like she has a weirdly shaped bottom lip.

Without knowing wtf just happened and having nothing else to do in life, I emailed her back and asked what it was that abruptly made her stop giving a fuck. This is the conversation that followed:

Her:

I’m just a really passionate person

and it doesn’t really seem like you’re that passionate about anything

which is a big thing for me

I’m sorry

Being passionate is a big thing for me, like my big round ass.

Being passionate is a big thing for me, like my big round ass.

Okay, fair enough. And here’s how I responded:

Hmm… well I’m pretty passionate about comedy and the work I produce be it a blog, stand up material, or video games. I’m not passionate in the sense that I won’t ramble on about them to someone who might not be interested. I’m passionate about improving my life enough that I’m still trying to talk to you some more and see if we can be friends or anything. But at the same time I’m not going to stalk you and try forever. If I still don’t turn you around at all with this email then I’m done trying. I’m just a reasonable person. Too reasonable to a fault maybe.

I mentioned earlier that I’m very flexible with my interests so I can try to get passionate about the things you’re passionate about. That’s one of the advantage of me being an open slate.

Sure, I may sound like a desperate little bitch but I think was still being very fair and should at least be given a shot to CHAT; I’m not asking for her virgin pussy or anything.

Ted is such a whiny little bitch...

Ted is such a whiny little bitch…

And finally, this is how she responds:

I don’t want someone who just picks up my interests

I want someone who has their own interests they’re passionate about, some of which are in common

I’m sorry, you’re probably really nice, just not what I’m looking for.

She doesn’t want someone who’ll do things for her? Is she a masochist or retarded? She had previously mentioned that she liked baking, cooking, and singing. She’s basically looking for a guy who doesn’t share her interests and will probably treat her like shit, or a homosexual.

Yeah, go find your own interests like crawling across a ravine on all fours.

Yeah, go find your own interests like crawling across a ravine on all fours.

I thought about sending an angry-ish email with basically what I just wrote but I didn’t end up doing it because I don’t give enough of a shit about this. I actually don’t really care about this whole thing at all and I’m only writing this because I wanted to write something for the blog. Hopefully it was entertaining enough for you.

Wow that was very entertaining, Ted. This is totally not a fake smile.

Wow that was very entertaining, Ted. This is totally not a fake smile.