It’s Wrong To Find Humor In Misery… Or Is It?

I will start this off with a real life example. My uncle’s pretty much retarded now from being too drugged up and lacking physical and mental exercise for several months. He can’t walk on his own anymore and for the past 3 nights, he’s been getting up on his own and falling down. A couple hours ago, he had a particularly big fall. I rushed downstairs to help bring him back to bed. When I came downstairs, what I saw was an old man fell over with his pants fallen down to his knees, just enough to show his full ass. After I made sure he wasn’t seriously hurt, I started laughing in my head at the absurdity of someone’s pants falling down as they trip.

Is it okay to find that funny? Yes it is. I think most people would agree too. I wouldn’t laugh at my uncle in front of his face because he doesn’t need to feel any more embarrassed on top of turning retarded. Laughing at in the moment would be inappropriate, but after the fact, it’s pretty funny. The problem I have with this situation is that anyone can easily tell me it’s wrong to find it funny and they would feel so god damn smug about it.

People who would disapprove of me finding humor in these things are assholes. The only reason they can be so judgemental about it is because they live in a fairy land where good things always happen and all bad things should be frowned upon. They live a censored life where they don’t see any deaths even though there are people dying every minute from crime, disease, war, and famine. They don’t have any retards in their lives to ruin their day. If they do, they have the well-behaved retards, not the violent ones with crazy retard strength. It’s easy to patronize me for finding humor at the expense of others getting hurt but that’s not what’s happening. I’m not creating humor at anyone’s expense. The situation is undeniably sad but it happened and feeling sad about it isn’t going to make it not happen. Sad shit is constantly happening around me. Would it make some people happier if I just reacted appropriately sad all day? Well fuck them and their happiness in the ass. If I have to live through such a disproportionately unhappy life, they don’t have the right to take away any tiny moment of joy I can find.

There Are Haters, And Then There Are Assholes.

So… I released a game last week. It’s just a limited release and got over 50k views in a week, blah blah blah. It’s not wildly successful or anything, but it’s nothing to scoff at either. Going in, I knew that the world was full of stupid people but it seems I couldn’t predict how stupid people can get. Stupidity truly knows no bounds. There are a lot of haters who’ll just hate shit for no reason. They’re annoying, but they don’t really bother me much. Haters are like farts. Like a douchebag passing by and farting a cloud in your face. As much as it sucks, it goes away in a few moments. But then there are assholes that are made of pure hate. Unlike haters and their farts, these assholes take a full shit in your house and you have to go out of your way to clean that shit up. Sure, you can ignore the shit and just wait for it to decompose into dust, but that’s not very good. …I’m not sure if the analogy holds up at this point. I also don’t know why I always use shit in my analogies.

Anyway, I encountered a giant asshole today. Right off the bat, the site seemed a little off. Most places probably have less than 10% assholes and the rest of humanity is usually surprisingly pleasant. This site seemed to have at least 90% asshole. I’m slowly putting the pieces together and it kind of makes sense. The site specializes in finding web games, creating cheats for them, and posting the game on their site with the cheats. The staff seems to have the decency to keep my ads within the game, so they’re not “stealing” anything from me. But then I should’ve realized that players who seek out cheats for games have no integrity and that carries over to all aspects of life.

I try to respond to every comment. Whenever I comment, I always want someone to respond to them and I felt like I should deliver that to as many people as possible. If I didn’t care about people reading my comment, then I wouldn’t make the comment at all. If the comment is a little shitty, I still try to respond positively, giving the person the benefit of the doubt. If a comment is really shitty, I just ignore them because I know people are retarded and there’s no point in engaging them. However, one particular comment stuck out to me a little. I could easily just ignore it, but I felt like pissing him off for fun. I can easily detach myself conversation and maybe the drama will draw some people in. Bad publicity is good publicity and all that jazz, you know?

This is the first comment that caught my attention:

Damn tedgaming, are you of such low self esteem that all you have is the desire to troll your a$$ off and making weird almost nonsensical comments towards anyone and everyone? Dude we get it, you “made” this game, and you think it’s top notch.

I responded with this:

What kind of imbecilic retard reads comments and then complains that there are comments? I’m making sure that the game’s working and offering info about the game. Wtf are you doing here? Are you of such feeble mind that you need to female dog about dust?

That last line was a product of the site’s censorship. It was supposed to be “bitch about shit” instead of “female dog about dust”. His response is:

I guess I rest my case. At no time in your incoherent ramblings did you make any sort of sense. Are you Drunk? Drugging? Both? Just do us all a favor and crawl back in that dark hole you call a home, and STFU. Thanks for shopping, bye-bye now…

I respond with: (I hate these I respond, he respond lines, lol.)

I’m sorry that you lack the ability to comprehend logic and simple censorship.

He said:

Just giving u the FYI, it seems that the only person alive that will listen 2 u is urself. I guess marveling @ your own magnificent’s knows no bounds it will continues till one day you realize that ur the only 1 around who will believe ur own bs

Then I said:

If I were a troll, then I would’ve succeeded in trolling you. Touche to you for trolling me too. I don’t get how you can be so blind to that.

He just wrote another response but it’s riddled with grammatical errors and nonsense. I think I broke him. Oh, and I forgot to mention the weirdest part of this. The first comment I quoted was actually this guy’s 2nd comment to my game. His first comment was:

This is a pretty good game. I do like the blood gore, especially when u do headshots or using ur grenades. IDK if it’s ppl’s setup, maybe the reason ppl r having probs w/loading is their web browser. Firefox, or I.E seems 2 b crap w/Larger games.

I expected his kind of behavior from someone who didn’t like the game, but this guy just seems like a total mess. I’m bored with him now. If he tries to instigate shit again and it’s amusing, then I’ll write another blog post about it. He probably won’t be very amusing though.

SFT Podcast Episode 4 – I Am Lazy and Maybe Retarded

I don’t really remember this episode but I guess I thought I was lazy and retarded. I’m pretty sure I’m still reading my jokes. I’ve got a lot of jokes…

Dropbox:

SFT Podcast Episode 4 – I Am Lazy and Maybe Retarded

Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dni2tvA7_wk

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

Fake Offence

I hate bitchy girls who think they’re better than me just because they pretend to be offended by stuff. You’re not fooling anyone. We all know that you’re only pretending to be offended. Here’s a good test. Are you more offended that I laugh at the funny sounds a retarded person makes, or are you more offended that I call you an ugly fat whore. There should be no comparison. Your hypothetical ugly face is nothing compared to the unfortunate life of a retard. That’s right, you vain faker.

How can you say that? You're talking about apples and oranges.

How can you say that? You’re talking about apples and oranges.

If that’s apples and oranges, which do you think is the apple and which is the orange? I think the retard should be the apple. Why? For the sake of delivering this next joke:

If you really are such a good person, why not do this to an "apple" to show it your appreciation.

If you really are such a good person, why not do this to an “apple” to show it your appreciation.

That’s about all I have to say on this topic. Why so little? Because I, too, was only faking how much those hypothetical bitches offend me.

I'm not a faker. See how I'm not even feigning interest in this stupid blog?

I’m not a faker. See how I’m not even feigning interest in this stupid blog?

Discrimination and Internet

From time to time, I voice my opinion about gay people, retarded people, or people of other ethnicities, usually black. The problem is, I don’t know any gay retarded black people and I also don’t know anyone who’s gay or retarded or gay. Oops I typed gay again. I meant black. Due to my lack of interactions with these people, my opinions are completely baseless. I mean, who knows… maybe after meeting some of these people, it turns out that I really hate them. Maybe I haven’t been discriminating enough.

All kidding aside, I honestly don’t have much of an opinion on these matters. Although I wrote something negative about a race, I don’t think it’s actually racist. That’s because the butt of the joke isn’t the gays or the blacks or the retards; the butt of the joke is me for being so wildly ignorant and stupid. Too bad there are so many people on the internet that’ll go right ahead and get offended at the sight of some of these words.

Speaking of the internet, I hate my internet. I switched internet service providers recently and the new one sucks. Basically, whenever I download something, I can no longer load new pages. That means I can no longer download porn while looking for more porn to download while streaming porn on my second monitor. How am I supposed to live this way? What’s that? Meet a real girl you say? Are you out of your mind?

Offensive Words

It always boggles me why people get offended by the sight or sound of a word, regardless of context. It’s ridiculous that someone can get offended when I tell them that I was making retard noises in bed. How else would you describe that noise? Go ahead, try. Plus, I wasn’t being a retard in anyone’s face or anything. I was just being retarded on my own. When did it become a crime to be a retard and be conscious enough to describe it as such.

The other word people fear is the word nigger. They fear the word almost as much as they fear black people. Unless you’re black, you can’t be offended by that word. White people don’t want to hear that word because it makes them feel guilty. Everyone else just doesn’t want to be in the same room when a black guy hears it.

My Dad Vs. Normal Part II

I joke that I’m socially retarded but I’m just too lazy to follow social norms. My dad, however, is truly a socially retarded person. He literally has no friends and has no intentions of making any. I know a lot of people who might think their parents have no friends but they just don’t have close friends who keep in touch. My dad actively avoids calls from casual acquaintances of the past. Maybe he has some kind of twisted fear of phones. He would often tell my mom to call people for him, like making appointments with doctors or setting up a dinner with relatives for the holidays. Yesterday, the optometrist called during the day and asked me to tell my dad to call them to confirm his appointment tomorrow. Normally, doctors just tell me to remind the patient but this one really wanted a call back.

I had written this message on a note and left it on the table for him. There was also another call yesterday for my mom and I wrote the message on the same note. My mom read it and told my dad but he just ignored her (normal behavior). Today, the optometrist called again. I didn’t answer it this time because the call woke me up and I didn’t want to bother taking the same message again. Moments ago, during dinner, my mom told my dad again and he continued to ignore her. I don’t know if I should add my say in it and suggest he calls as well. If I say something (, anything), he would either get pissed or make fun of me (even though there’s nothing to make fun of). So I never bother saying anything to them. Maybe I should say something (for his own good, and) so I could record it and transcribe for other people’s entertainment to read and hear about on the internet. If you want me to do it, you gotta comment tonight to tell me because tomorrow will be too late.

My Dad Vs. Normal Part I

I just bitched about my mom so I’ll bitch about my dad too to be fair. I didn’t have anything planned for this but just when I finished writing the last entry, my dad came home from work and from upstairs, I heard him say “gagagagagagagagagagagaga” in a mocking high pitch. If you can’t imagine how that sounds, that’s a testament to how retarded it sounded. He was presumably mocking about something annoying my mom just said but he isn’t aware that his mockery is far more annoying than anything imaginable. Or he just doesn’t care. Oh, and he does this mocking angrily too. Add that to the already unimaginable dialogue. That is simply not a noise a normal person should ever make. I feel retarded when I imitate it for my friends so I can only imagine how retarded it feels to make that noise unironically. Does a retard even feel retarded?

Then he walked past my room and (high-pitch) grunted “aaaarg”. He was annoyed with me but I wasn’t doing anything annoying and he had nothing to complain about. He was annoyed that I was alive basically. He makes that noise no matter what I’m doing. Even if I’m sleeping, he’ll turn on the light to make that noise and make sure I wake up to hear his annoyance with me. And yes, that has happened many times before.

Asking Girls In

First off, I’d like to say that life is getting really shitty once again. In between the time I turned on the computer to write this blog and actually writing it, my mom woke up from bed just to nag me about some bullshit again. I don’t want to go too far into it but just saying bullshit makes me sound like the bad guy so I’ll describe the boring situation a bit. Basically, the bank and the government made some dumbass errors and they keep saying I’m not paying enough taxes for having too much money in the bank but I don’t actually have that money because it’s a fuckin’ error. I’ve already filed all the correctional paperwork and all I can do now is just wait for the slowass government to fix it over 6 months. In the meantime, they continue to automatically send me more letters saying I owe them more and more money. Then, my mom also flips out and fuckin’ nags me about the problem. I’m getting pincer harassed by a flawed and slow government system and my retard mom. That’s all I’ll say on that subject because saying fuck and calling my mom a retard can’t sustain a false sense of interest in this subject much longer.

People normally feel a roller coaster of emotions but I just feel a roller coaster of depression. There are kind of ups and downs. The ups are just comparatively less shitty, but it’s still shit. It’s like the difference between stepping on dog shit or falling face first into it or having a piece of shit coming half way out of my asshole when a spider scares the shit out of me (not literally because the shit is still half way out/in my asshole) and while trying to run away from a spider with my pants around my ankle, I trip and get my own shit all over myself. Yes, that was awfully specific but no, it did not happen. That’s just a product of my fucked up imagination..

Moving on from shit talk, some of you might be wondering what the fuck is with the title? I seem to always coin phrases that makes me sound like I don’t understand the English language. I know it’s normally asking girls out but this topic is about asking girls in. As a cheapass fucked up person living in my parents’ house, dating sounds horrible: spending money to go out, spending money on dinner or movie or other activities. Not only does it pain me to spend money, I don’t even enjoy the out-of-home activities so why would I want to pay for something I don’t enjoy? I’ve worked out a theoretical ideal date where we would just cuddle on a couch and watch tv, movie, or play video games. That is a great date for me… in theory…

Normally, there’s only the two states of theory and practice but I’m about to invent an additional state in between. I theorize that in practice, I won’t actually enjoy the act of cuddling because people (myself included) get warm and sweaty and moist. This new state, the theory of practice, I shall call meta-theory. Even before practice, I’m already convincing myself that I won’t enjoy the company of other people. No wonder I haven’t asked a girl out in years and will be alone forever. Almost a year ago today, the last time I was kind of interested in a girl, I actually asked the girl out on a hypothetical date and she even agreed but I never went on to make an actual date. When I describe my actions, I always sound like a total dick.

My Life’s Paradoxes Part IV

This entry is a bit different than the rest. I just want to write some crap right now and not worry about how it comes out. No planning. Just gonna write whatever’s on my mind and I’m just going to assume my raw thoughts are interesting enough to be read. Oh wait, that doesn’t sound any different than what I normally do.

Sometimes, I’m so smart and think of so many possibilities that I act upon one of the non-obvious ones and it ends up making me look stupid where I wouldn’t look stupid if I just did the obvious thing. A quick example would be seeing a gap in a closed doorway and assuming that the door isn’t fully closed so I don’t need to turn the door knob, but it turns out I still needed to turn the knob and I walk straight into a closed door like a dumbass. If I just turned the fuckin door knob regardless of the gap, the obvious approach, I wouldn’t have looked stupid. Maybe I’m not a smart person who looks stupid. Maybe I’m just a total dumbass who dumbassedly thinks he’s smart even though he’s not.

In the past, I’ve frequently written about my virginity and my (arguably confused) sexuality. Even though I’m always horny, I think sex is pretty gross. When I watch porn, I’m only interested in softcore lesbian porn. But that’s too specific so I usually just watch normal lesbian porn and enjoy the softcore bits and get grossed out by the actual sexual parts. I don’t think I would enjoy sex but I’m jealous that other people gets action. I’m basically just a dick who wants everyone else to be as miserable as I am I guess.

A lot of people work 9-5 jobs, but I work a 5-9 job. Really, it’s true. I work part time from 5pm to 9pm. I’m not trying to be funny. Actually, I am trying to be funny but I don’t want to admit that because I know it’s not funny. That was just a stupid non joke.

A lot of people seek their parents’ approval and working part time at a minimum wage job at 22 is quite a disappointment. But that doesn’t bother me because I don’t seek my parents’ approval at all. In fact, I think I crave their disappointment. Because I dislike and disrespect them so much, I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of having raised a person who leads a successful life. Maybe I’m only being a miserable and depressed piece of shit out of spite towards my parents.

With all the crap I write about my parents, I will go on record and say that they’re not bad people, they’re just bad parents. …Whether a person is good or bad pretty much depends on the result of their action and they produce shit results, just look at me. I guess they are bad people, but they don’t have bad intentions. Intentions don’t really matter if they consistently yield bad results though. Actually, I don’t know my parents enough to really know their intentions so maybe they are bad people after all.

I honestly believe my parents are total dumbasses who might be borderline retarded. Maybe not even borderline. Although I’d like to think I’m smart, considering my lack of accomplishments and that I’m raised by two retards, I’m probably retarded too. And if that’s the case, you just read an entire article that some retard wrote on a whim so I don’t even know what that makes you, you retard lover. Oh I just answered my own question. And if you hate me, then you’re a retard hater and know that that makes you a bad person. Mwahaha, I just antagonized everyone. …all the 10 people who reads this.

… I don’t think I should end like this… I gotta fix this. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure I’m not retarded so you’re not a retard lover. Or even if I am retarded, you don’t love me so you’re still not a retard lover. Whatever the case, you’re not a retard lover. No one is. Retard lovers don’t exist. Who could love a retard? Yup, everything’s fixed. I retracted my insult while simultaneously writing something insensitive, ignorant, and dickish. Perfect.