Think Dammit, Think

I guess I have what’s called a writer’s block. It feels a bit self-aggrandizing to call it that because that implies I have some sort of goal, which I don’t. My path can’t be blocked if I’m not going anywhere. I’m pretty sure a couple posts ago I said I was going to write about Shadow of Mordor and The Last Of Us but I didn’t end up doing that. Maybe I should finally write about them. Maybe I won’t. …I probably won’t.


Because of my lack of writing goals, I don’t really mind my writer’s block much. What sucks more is when I have talker’s block. (…I don’t like the way that term came out but I’m just going to leave it.) I would like to believe that I’m an interesting and thoughtful person but these blocks serve as empirical evidence to prove otherwise.


Sometimes, I think that I ought to be able to come up with something interesting about anything so I should just take a look at what’s around me. But I don’t like that because I’m pretty much going to have the same shit on my desk all the time. If only there’s a random word generator to generate topics for me. … …A simple google search provided me that exact tool.


The first word that came up was strophius. Apparently that’s some dude from trojan times. That reminds me of when I randomly took a second year Greek Mythology class back in university. I have no interest in the topic and I know next to nothing about it but I took that class because I thought it might be fun to take a class with people I know. I didn’t go to many classes in first year so I didn’t make many friends from classes, which was one less reason to go to those classes. Most people go to classes to learn but I guess that didn’t really cross my mind. I spent all my days at the gym and recreation room and made lots of friends there. A bunch of them were taking that Greek Mythology class so I decided to take it with them. I thought that taking a class with people I know might be fun but it turned out to be disappointingly not much fun. It was still a class after all. I eventually stopped going to classes and considering how I learned nothing, I’m surprised I was able to pass the course with an okay grade. If there was a textbook to study, I would’ve been fine. But I didn’t have a sense of direction of what I was even supposed to study, probably because I didn’t go to classes. I somehow randomly studied some of the right material and I had aced the creative assignment so it all worked out. …except for the course fee I spent on a course that didn’t matter at all.


Next word is explore. The first thing that came to mind was sexual exploration. I don’t really have much to say on the topic but I guess it shows where my head is all the time.


Next up is concurrency. I thought it had something to do with currency at first but upon looking it up, I found out what it actually means. I’m ashamed of myself on 2 levels. It’s a computer science term so I should’ve known that but also, I know the word concurrently so I just failed as a computer scientist and as an English word forming person, um, a writer. I don’t know if I should try to expand on this word or just leave it. I can’t do both concurrently.


Paramedic is the next word. The first thing that comes to mind is the time when I was living with my uncle who was dying of cancer and there were a few interactions with paramedics during that time. I remember feeling somewhat disappointed after seeing them work. They didn’t do anything wrong, but there were little things like the fact that many of them were students or when I see them standing around in the hospital, occasionally making awkward small talk with one another, their co-workers, and then going to vending machines to grab snacks. That did not make their job seem as urgent and heroic as I had in my mind. They didn’t do anything wrong. I just had some dumb false image of them, probably influenced by media, because I only see them on TV when they’re responding to whatever the plot of the show is.


Another somewhat interesting thought on paramedics that might is worth sharing is something I heard on a podcast. I think it was The Todd Glass Show. I think it came up in conversation when someone was talking about the same mild disappointment I had with paramedics. They were saying that in your mind you would think that paramedics would be running around all the time to do things quickly because time is of the essence. But in real life, they just walk. They’re not wasting time and dilly-dallying while they’re walking, but they’re still just walking. Once again, they’re not doing anything wrong, but it’s just interesting how there’s a slight mismatch between our conception of what paramedics are and what they really are. The podcast also mentioned that the paramedics always walk except when there’s a baby involved. Then they run. I guess that’s good? I don’t really have anything to conclude this thought.


Finally, the last word is endomorph. Even though it’s a scientific term, the definition sounds like it was written by a bully. It’s basically just saying that some people are born round and fat. Even if they starve and lose most of their body fat, they’ll still be round and wide. It sounds like they want to tag that by saying these people will never be hot models so they may as well give up on life.


That’s the 5 random words I got. This was sort of fun: rambling about random words. Maybe I’ll do that again. I’ll see.

Fact on Fat Action

I was just lying in bed, mulling over how shitty life is and I remembered a random shitty moment from the past. One day, during recess when I was in grade 5, a girl walked up to me and asked if I’ve seen her friend, let’s call the friend Elaine. I have to make up a name for the friend because I didn’t bother to learn the name of this person who doesn’t affect my life. I wasn’t 100% sure who Elaine was, and I asked if it was her fat friend. It was, but I hadn’t seen her so that was the end of that.

After recess was over, the teacher called me over to make me apologize for calling the girl fat. That was stupid. I only used “fat” as an accurate descriptor to clarify a question I was asked. There was no contempt involved. I wasn’t prancing around asking if she lost her fat friend. There was no other way to describe her anyway. What, you mean the Elaine who’s not in my class who I’ve never talked to and isn’t skinny? Fuck that, she’s fat.

My Mom Vs. Normal Part III: Bitching, Animation, Programming

My mom does this annoying thing where she bitches about everything. Sometimes, they’re joke-y “friendly” bitching. Other times, they’re just bitching. I got a 3D monitor about 2 months ago and my mom has “friendly” bitched me twice to show her 3D movies.

Woah... the world looks so 3D...

Woah… the world looks so 3D…

What makes this bitching instead of asking? Well, that’s because I’ve already offered her to watch 3D movies 5 times (2 of those times were immediately after the bitching) but she turned down my offer every single time. So fuckin’ annoying.

What's that you want to offer me? Nah, I've already got something to suck on.

What’s that you want to offer me? Nah, I’ve already got something to suck on.

She does the same thing with food too. Every time she sees me throw out a container, she bitches that she never got to try any but every time I offer, she says no. And no, don’t argue for her that she just wants to be asked. She says no in a depressed and suicidal tone. Can you even imagine how that sounds? I highly doubt it. There was this one tiny box of chocolate that I distinctly left on the table and waited a year to eat it and she still bitched about that.

We just love to say no to boys.

We just love to say no to boys.

Here’s a little background information about me that you’ll need for the next story. I went to 2 years of university studying computer science. I have discontinued my education indefinitely because I am capable of learning those skills on my own, and going to school made me depressed, and I’m just a lazy fuck-tard.

And my background is in netting. I learned that on my own too!

And my background is in netting. I learned that on my own too!

A couple days ago, my mom said this thing to me that she has said at least two other times before. She told me that if I didn’t like what I was studying before, I should go back to school to study something else, like programming, because she heard that it’s good. If you ask her what I studied for my first 2 years, she would tell you that I was studying animation. I have said nothing that would’ve led her to think that other than saying the word “computer”. It’s one thing to not know what I’m studying, but at least have the decency to know its name or what it’s NOT.

Look at me! I'm computering!

Look at me! I’m computering!