Naturally Deselect My Penis

My penis is pretty small. There’s no point denying it so I might as well make fun of it. I unfortunately don’t have many other ways to have fun with it. For the longest time, I had no idea how long (short) my dick was. I knew it wasn’t big, but I didn’t know if it was just smaller than average or if it was world record small. I’m not good at eyeballing lengths since I don’t measure things in inches and cm on a regular basis. As a digital artist, I can eyeball lengths in pixels but it would be terribly sad to measure my dick in pixels.

 

Having a small penis is undesirable for women and I wonder if I’m never going to get a chance to reproduce because of its unattractiveness. I sometimes blame my genetically small penis for not being able to get laid. However, I’m self-conscious enough to know that that is not a legitimate excuse. That would only be a legitimate excuse if girls constantly run away from me as soon as they see how small my penis is. That has never happened. I can’t even get to the point where a girl would see my penis which proves the illegitimacy of that excuse.

 

Another excuse I often use to not talk to girls is that bars and clubs are too loud and you can’t carry out a conversation in such environment. Once again, that is not a legitimate excuse. If it were true, I would be talking to girls in all other scenarios but I’ve had plenty of chances to talk to girls without loud music and I let each and every one of those opportunities slip away.

 

There’s a chance I may never get laid again. There’s a chance I’ll never get to reproduce. Natural selection is going to deselect me but it wouldn’t be because of my penis size. I simply suck at all areas of dating.

For Fuck’s Sake

How far am I willing to go for fuck’s sake? Apparently very far. I’ve driven hours and hours and never once complained about all the driving for fuck’s sake. I’ll even gladly leave the country, for fuck’s sake.

 

I’ve been working out, for fuck’s sake. Pretty much every time I work out, it’s for fuck’s sake. Ironically, every time I’ve gotten laid was at a time when I had given up on working out. Maybe I need to stop working out if I want to get laid again.

photo

Look at that awesome cuddle-body-pillow. Someone needs to claim it pronto.

Sex blunders are always funny so I should write about a recent one. I actually fell asleep twice while eating pussy, to the point where I was having dreams. Even now, I can’t believe that happened. If I had to spin it positively, I can say that I am so comfortable around pussies that I can fall asleep with my tongue resting on one. It is purely unfortunate that I was so tired at the time. Now that I’m well-rested, I have too much energy and don’t know what to do with it anymore.

Shitless Thoughts

After writing a few entries without using a random word generator, it feels like a step back to use it again. Still, it’s better to use that and write something than not writing anything at all. It’s not that I haven’t had any of my own thoughts in the past day but the topics don’t feel rich enough to blog about. It’s not like I’m going to write about what I thought about every time I took a shit. …Actually, I did that at one point and people apparently enjoyed that quite a bit. I had more readers then than any other time lol. I actually come up with some of my most interesting thoughts while sitting on the can. It’s one of few times I can sit and think to myself without any electronic devices around. Silly as it may sound, the shitter is an awesome place to get lost in deep thoughts. But my shits have been too quick lately. Who knew that having a healthy bowel would be detrimental to being an interesting blogger. I could just write about my day; anything could be made interesting. But I’m going with the random words because interesting mundane things are probably not as good as interesting varied topics. …”Interesting” may be too strong a word.

 

Okay, first word is strickle. A strickle was originally a blunt rod used to level off heaps of grain so that they can be properly measured. Gradually, that word gets used for a number of other tools that has the features of a blunt rod. And now, in modern gadget-driven society, that word isn’t used at all. Who’s even heard of the word strickle? I know I haven’t. If that word were more commonplace, it would surely be eventually added to the multitude of euphemisms for penis. I wonder if the verb would make it into sex though. Strickling is more of a combing motion, and as far as I know, people don’t horizontally comb pussies with their dicks as part of foreplay. Let’s try envisioning it: A man behind a woman, holding up one of her legs and tilting her to the side a little, demonstrating ample strength and control. Forming a perpendicular “T” with the entrance of the vagina, he combs his hard dick along the outside. With every stroke, it feels like he may be about to enter her and she gasps in anticipation of the good feelings to come. Sounds like it could be a good tease if it’s done right. By expanding our verbal vernacular, we would also expand our sexual vernacular.

 

Next word is familyish. Funny that that’s the word we get after I just turned the last one into a sex word. Sex is a pretty familyish activity. It’s necessary in order to start a family but then it’s taboo for it to take place within the family thereafter. Even with the parents, they have to secretly do it behind the children’s backs, not literally right behind them of course. Incest is an interesting topic and it feels taboo to even call it interesting. First off, anything non consensual or reproductive is objectively bad, but I think there could be argument to be made for recreational incest. If you look around at certain corners of the internet, those are tons of these stories, especially between cousins. It’s easy to judge others if you haven’t been put into the situation where you have a sexy person seducing you who also happens to be your cousin. Under certain circumstances, when you don’t have easy access to sex and you really want it (maybe because you’re a horny teenager still living with parents) and then you’re presented with alone time with another person who also wants it bad, you can’t really blame them for doing it, as long as they stay safe. I’m not trying to justify my past or anything. I haven’t been blessed with any sexy sisters or cousins so I’ve never done anything of the like. Maybe I am trying to justify my thoughts though since I did just used the word “blessed” in the last sentence.

 

The next word is schorl. A schorl is a type of tourmaline that is black and rich in iron. Now the next question is, what the fuck is a tourmaline? I’m learning two words here, two for one deal. Is there a word for having to look up a word within the definition of another word? Maybe that’s just called stupid, meta-stupid, lol. I could regurgitate the composition of tourmaline but basically it’s just a pretty rock and it’s much more interesting to see it than read about it, so here you go:

Tourmaline

Tourmaline

 

I wonder if anyone ever used the word schorl metaphorically to describe a black person within a group. It might be possible that everyone open-minded enough to know a word like this aren’t racists so they won’t use the word like I just did. Come on, there has to be racist jewellers out there, right? Not that I’m encouraging racism or anything, but I also don’t believe that everything racey is racist. I’m sure plenty of people have written about that already.

 

Next word is synonymized. That is an awesome word. I love seeing words in new forms I haven’t seen before. It’s like seeing a pokemon evolve that you didn’t know could evolve. Unfortunately, it’s not a very useful word. Still sounds cool though. I’m trying to think of even one example I could use that word and it’s tough. Merging is a more appropriate word in most cases and in a society where we’re discouraged from generalizing and stereotyping things, that leaves less room for me to synonymize. I want to be a synonymist, just for the title. Actually, I think I might be doing that already. I find out all these uncommon words and I find more common words that are synonymous. Yay, I’m a synonymist. I’m pretty sure I know what that means based on the root word, but sometimes a word could mean something I completely did not expect.

 

Unexpected word definitions lead to funny stories. I know a guy who once thought “obese” just meant chubby and that fat was a more insulting term. I corrected him. Can you imagine all the times he may have accidentally called someone obese? “No no, you’re not fat at all, you’re just obese, mom.” I have a way more embarrassing story than that. I’m not saying I’m not fat, but I’m also “big-boned”. I’ve got pretty dense bones and muscles so my BMI misrepresents me. Nobody called me fat or anything, but one day I randomly decided to call myself dense. When you call someone dense, it means they’re stupid. I was not fully aware of that. So I basically went around, stupidly calling myself stupid without even knowing it. It was autological behaviour. There, I used a new word I learned in a previous entry =D.

 

Last word is reflectingly. I always reflect on what I just wrote and now I have excuse to talk about it. I always talk about it anyway, but now I have an excuse too. The last few times I did these random word entries, I felt that I was unable to use the words as jumping off points for fun stories. I think this entry turned out pretty good so I like these random words again. I need better titles though. This one really sucked. Anyway, it’s been fun writing this and I hope you enjoyed reading it!

Too Many Boob Thoughts

I usually start off with a few thoughts but I already wrote a whole entry just before this so I guess I should dive right into the random words.

 

…I really do feel like I want to start off with some thoughts first. I was thinking of writing about working out but I don’t like to write about that because it ventures too close to bragging. I guess just let it be known that I’m working out. A lot.

 

Okay, the first word is baseman. Baseman refers to baseball players who are guarding the bases. When I first saw the word, that was not what I had in mind at all. It doesn’t matter what I thought though cause those weren’t interesting anyways. I’ve never watched baseball and barely played it in real life but I actually learned all the rules pretty thoroughly from a super nintendo animal baseball game that was super fun. The other thing that comes to mind is people referring to sexual acts with bases. I never really liked that. As far as I know, first base is kissing, second base is boob play, third base is fingering the pussy, and home run is vaginal sex. I don’t like it because there’s an implied order to do those things and an implied achievement level for each activity. It didn’t jive with me because I always thought boob play is the awesomest thing ever and it feels underrated in that base system. The other thing I don’t like about it is that it only covers those 4 activities. There are plenty of other activities that should rank better than those 4 but they get no mentions at all. It is too flawed a system for me to appreciate.

 

I have the same problem with virginity. It places way too much importance in vaginal sex. What about anal? In most cases, getting someone to do anal is a bigger achievement than vaginal. There are also other ambiguities. Does one need to finish inside a vagina for it to count? I think most people don’t require that. If not, then how many thrust does it take to count as losing one’s virginity? One? Does one thrust really count? If so, then what constitutes as a thrust. How much of the penis needs to enter the vagina for it to count as one complete thrust? Does any of this matter? No. No it doesn’t. That’s why virginity is such a pointless term to toss around and it’s nonsensical how much importance our society places on it.

 

The next word is presetting. My first thought about presettings is how sounds in video games are set up. Often times, the sound effects are too loud and it’s way better if it’s turned down. It’s sad how people spend so much time making the games but the presettings are far from the optimal, causing most people to have an inferior experience. Most people don’t give a shit about that nerdy game talk so I’m not happy writing just that. My next thought is microwave presettings but I don’t have any thoughts on that. Microwaves just came to mind when I thought of presettings. Among those, popcorn is what comes to my mind first. Is this train of thought going anywhere? Popcorn… popcorn… I like popcorn… and I like the kernels too…. I bought Nature Box snacks recently that had honey roasted kernels and I enjoyed those…. Of the 5 snacks they sent me, I tried the kernel first and was happy with that but then I tried and did not like any of the other 4 snacks. Congratulations. You just followed a train to nowhere. On the one hand, I’m a little disappointed that I had nothing interesting to say. On the other hand, I’ve written enough on this word already that I feel okay with just moving on.

 

Next word is intervalley. For a moment, I thought this was a pointless word that means the same thing as valley but then I found that it actually refers to the space between valleys. I’m trying to think of how to use that word usefully and I’m having a hard time. I guess I don’t live around valleys enough to use such a word. Now I’m trying to think of non-geographic valleys. The first thing that came to mind is boob cleavage. One could call that a valley, right? Oh and don’t be surprised that boob cleavage is what came to my mind first. I’m pretty boob obsessed. Always have been and probably always will be. Proudly so. Until someone shames me for it.

 

Anyway, that’s just one valley though. I need two valleys for the word intervalley to mean anything. I was trying to justify in my head… what if we called the upper part of the cleavage a valley and the lower part another valley. Then the part where the boobs touch would be the intervalley. I don’t think the upper and lower cleavage can be called valleys though since it doesn’t rise back up again, unless the person is a mutant. Then I started thinking about other body parts. Nostrils can maybe be called valleys but it’s odd because when we stand rightside up, they’re upside down. The next body part I have in mind makes more sense to be called valleys since they are displayed upside down more often, putting them in the rightside up to be called valleys. Can you guess what body part I have in mind? It’s the vagina and butthole. If those are my valleys, then the taint would be my intervalley. So I guess the taint is the intervalley of the human body.

 

Next word is painful. If I didn’t bold all my words, I could make a stupid pun where I pretend like I’m describing the next word rather than listing it. I’m reminded of a similar kind of pun with the name Mark Hu. Mark who? Mark Hu. Mark who? Mark Hu! …And that can go on for as long as you want, or until the other person punches you in the face.

 

I can’t believe I don’t have anything more relevant to write about painful. …I might be better off leaving this one alone because it can easily lead me down a rabbit hole of depression.

 

The last word is intersystematical. Until I started writing these random word entries, I’ve never encountered so many words with so many prefixes and suffixes. I kind of like it. But I don’t see how I can use these words without sounding like a total douchebag. Intersystematical refers to the space between systems of stars. I wonder if there’s a more day-to-day way to use that word like I tried to do with intervalley. When I try to think of what systems are out there, I think of workplace as a system and computer operating systems. I don’t think this is leading anywhere funny. … Wow, this is a very unfunny word.

 

I’m going to have to take drastic actions to make this even mildly amusing. I thought about changing 2 letters to make “system” into “sister” and the new word is intersisteratical. Wtf? It’s not a word at all but I’m not getting the red squiggly underline. Anyway, that was just a throwaway and doesn’t mean anything. I don’t know why I feel like documenting my train of thought. What I’m actually going to write about comes from the “sys” part which reminded me of the term cisgender. I learned that from a transexual on a podcast. I think his name is Buck Angel. Cisgender is basically the opposite of a transexual. It’s a person who was born the gender that they want to be. Basically it’s a term to label normal people. I loosely threw the word “normal” around in a previous entry and it also caught my attention at the time. I’m using the word in the strictest, scientific sense. The norm is just what’s most common. There’s nothing wrong with being abnormal. Being special isn’t a bad thing.

 

Back to cisexuality. I don’t know if I’m cisgender. I have no intention of undergoing a transition because that takes way too much time, money, effort, and it still isn’t perfect. I do envy the female body a lot though. If I could magically be a girl temporarily, I would definitely want to try it out. Definitely gonna play with my boobs and masturbate. But even with access to a magical transformation, I don’t know if I necessarily want to commit to being a girl permanently. One of my biggest fears would be suddenly being attracted to penises. But I guess that fear would be irrelevant if I became a girl. Plus, I could always opt to be a lesbian. That’s the dream.

Cheating

Cheating is the act of breaking a rule and trying to get away with it. If you’re not trying to get away with it, then you’re not cheating. I can think of two reasons why someone would want to break the rules on purpose. The first reason is that the consequences for breaking the rules is desirable. An example would be if someone got stuck in a competition that they don’t want to participate in, they can break the rules and get disqualified to get out of it. The other reason for blatantly breaking rules is to show disrespect towards the entity that is sanctioning the rules. Just to be thorough, I guess there’s also a third reason where the person is breaking the rules due to ignorant dumbassery.

Cheating becomes ambiguous when the rules are not clearly defined. That is the case for couples. Now I’m not suggesting that new couples should clearly define what constitutes as cheating for them. That doesn’t work because once you define a set of rules, that means everything else is fair game. It would be silly to expect horny people getting together to design airtight rules. Even thousand page laws have loopholes.

Without the exact set of rules, sometimes it’s hard to know if you’re cheating or not. Just because you have sex with another person, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cheating. There are happy wife swappers and swingers out there. It’s within their rules, so it’s not cheating. The only other way to determine whether a person is cheating is to see whether they’re being sneaky about it. If they’re doing something that they don’t want their partner to know, then it’s probably cheating. It might not be, but it probably is. It all depends whether you believe a person should be innocent until proven guilty, or guilty until proven innocent.

SFT Podcast Episode 43 – First Time Excretions With Justin

We spent a lot of time talking about first times with pissing, shitting, masturbating, you name it.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/n4063xhuydgvglv/SFT-0043-First_Time_Excretions_With_Justin.mp3

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-wrFEM1lsk

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

Dumb Sex Drive

I hate being horny. Correction, I hate being horny with no one to fuck. And given that I’ve never had anyone to fuck, I hate being horny. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been providing my body with the pussies that it desperately desires and it’s returning the favor by making me super depressed.

…I was going to write more and describe a “sex” dream I had but I don’t feel like doing shit anymore. I’ll just briefly summarize that in the dream, I was Ted from How I Met Your Mother about to sexually engage Lily. I thought it was weird that in my dream, I was someone with the same name as me, but not actually me.