Shitless Thoughts

After writing a few entries without using a random word generator, it feels like a step back to use it again. Still, it’s better to use that and write something than not writing anything at all. It’s not that I haven’t had any of my own thoughts in the past day but the topics don’t feel rich enough to blog about. It’s not like I’m going to write about what I thought about every time I took a shit. …Actually, I did that at one point and people apparently enjoyed that quite a bit. I had more readers then than any other time lol. I actually come up with some of my most interesting thoughts while sitting on the can. It’s one of few times I can sit and think to myself without any electronic devices around. Silly as it may sound, the shitter is an awesome place to get lost in deep thoughts. But my shits have been too quick lately. Who knew that having a healthy bowel would be detrimental to being an interesting blogger. I could just write about my day; anything could be made interesting. But I’m going with the random words because interesting mundane things are probably not as good as interesting varied topics. …”Interesting” may be too strong a word.

 

Okay, first word is strickle. A strickle was originally a blunt rod used to level off heaps of grain so that they can be properly measured. Gradually, that word gets used for a number of other tools that has the features of a blunt rod. And now, in modern gadget-driven society, that word isn’t used at all. Who’s even heard of the word strickle? I know I haven’t. If that word were more commonplace, it would surely be eventually added to the multitude of euphemisms for penis. I wonder if the verb would make it into sex though. Strickling is more of a combing motion, and as far as I know, people don’t horizontally comb pussies with their dicks as part of foreplay. Let’s try envisioning it: A man behind a woman, holding up one of her legs and tilting her to the side a little, demonstrating ample strength and control. Forming a perpendicular “T” with the entrance of the vagina, he combs his hard dick along the outside. With every stroke, it feels like he may be about to enter her and she gasps in anticipation of the good feelings to come. Sounds like it could be a good tease if it’s done right. By expanding our verbal vernacular, we would also expand our sexual vernacular.

 

Next word is familyish. Funny that that’s the word we get after I just turned the last one into a sex word. Sex is a pretty familyish activity. It’s necessary in order to start a family but then it’s taboo for it to take place within the family thereafter. Even with the parents, they have to secretly do it behind the children’s backs, not literally right behind them of course. Incest is an interesting topic and it feels taboo to even call it interesting. First off, anything non consensual or reproductive is objectively bad, but I think there could be argument to be made for recreational incest. If you look around at certain corners of the internet, those are tons of these stories, especially between cousins. It’s easy to judge others if you haven’t been put into the situation where you have a sexy person seducing you who also happens to be your cousin. Under certain circumstances, when you don’t have easy access to sex and you really want it (maybe because you’re a horny teenager still living with parents) and then you’re presented with alone time with another person who also wants it bad, you can’t really blame them for doing it, as long as they stay safe. I’m not trying to justify my past or anything. I haven’t been blessed with any sexy sisters or cousins so I’ve never done anything of the like. Maybe I am trying to justify my thoughts though since I did just used the word “blessed” in the last sentence.

 

The next word is schorl. A schorl is a type of tourmaline that is black and rich in iron. Now the next question is, what the fuck is a tourmaline? I’m learning two words here, two for one deal. Is there a word for having to look up a word within the definition of another word? Maybe that’s just called stupid, meta-stupid, lol. I could regurgitate the composition of tourmaline but basically it’s just a pretty rock and it’s much more interesting to see it than read about it, so here you go:

Tourmaline

Tourmaline

 

I wonder if anyone ever used the word schorl metaphorically to describe a black person within a group. It might be possible that everyone open-minded enough to know a word like this aren’t racists so they won’t use the word like I just did. Come on, there has to be racist jewellers out there, right? Not that I’m encouraging racism or anything, but I also don’t believe that everything racey is racist. I’m sure plenty of people have written about that already.

 

Next word is synonymized. That is an awesome word. I love seeing words in new forms I haven’t seen before. It’s like seeing a pokemon evolve that you didn’t know could evolve. Unfortunately, it’s not a very useful word. Still sounds cool though. I’m trying to think of even one example I could use that word and it’s tough. Merging is a more appropriate word in most cases and in a society where we’re discouraged from generalizing and stereotyping things, that leaves less room for me to synonymize. I want to be a synonymist, just for the title. Actually, I think I might be doing that already. I find out all these uncommon words and I find more common words that are synonymous. Yay, I’m a synonymist. I’m pretty sure I know what that means based on the root word, but sometimes a word could mean something I completely did not expect.

 

Unexpected word definitions lead to funny stories. I know a guy who once thought “obese” just meant chubby and that fat was a more insulting term. I corrected him. Can you imagine all the times he may have accidentally called someone obese? “No no, you’re not fat at all, you’re just obese, mom.” I have a way more embarrassing story than that. I’m not saying I’m not fat, but I’m also “big-boned”. I’ve got pretty dense bones and muscles so my BMI misrepresents me. Nobody called me fat or anything, but one day I randomly decided to call myself dense. When you call someone dense, it means they’re stupid. I was not fully aware of that. So I basically went around, stupidly calling myself stupid without even knowing it. It was autological behaviour. There, I used a new word I learned in a previous entry =D.

 

Last word is reflectingly. I always reflect on what I just wrote and now I have excuse to talk about it. I always talk about it anyway, but now I have an excuse too. The last few times I did these random word entries, I felt that I was unable to use the words as jumping off points for fun stories. I think this entry turned out pretty good so I like these random words again. I need better titles though. This one really sucked. Anyway, it’s been fun writing this and I hope you enjoyed reading it!

Procrastination Fascination

I started recording a podcast with that title today but I bailed on it 15 minutes in. I believe this is the second time I’ve ever deleted a podcast because I wasn’t happy with it. There isn’t any fascination. I only named it that to rhyme with procrastination. Now that I’m still procrastinating, I guess I’ll do a blog version of it. I wanted it to be a podcast because it’s just a bunch of scattered thoughts. There is actually one organized thought in there and I will save that thought. It’s about messenger birds. I may write about it right after this entry or I’ll talk about on the next podcast, whenever that may be.

First off, I find it fascinating that Tek Tactical seems to actively infuriate certain people. I stopped the podcast while talking about this and it’s almost making me quit this blog entry too. A lot of speculation and explanation seems to be required but I’ll just leave it at that and move on. Let’s just say it’s now at a point where I’m glad I’m pissing those people off because they’re assholes anyway.

I’ve been playing Hatsune Miku for the past couple days. Some people might not recognize the name but you might recognize her face:

MikuHatsune-InLosAngeles

If you don’t recognize her, well, I guess you’ll be learning about her now. It’s called a vocaloid and it’s a computer generated voice and people make songs with it. This is a video of a live hologram concert. That one is actually a pretty good song but there are also annoying songs like this or this. Those aren’t even the most annoying ones. Maybe it’s a good thing that I couldn’t find the really bad ones. I only brought this up because I thought it was funny that when I first launched the game, there’s a screen that tells you to be polite and keep the volume down or use headphones. It’s basically the developers admitting that they know the voice can be super annoying.

I’ve been borrowing games from the library. I haven’t done that in half a year but I started again last week. For a brief moment, I thought I could get into gaming again but it didn’t last. There’s still a severe loss of interest. Anyway, the reason I brought up the library is because I travelled to the library yesterday and the day before. The library is about 6km away from my house which wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the fucking snow and ice. On the first day, I chose to bike. I had to walk a good portion of the trip because there was too much snow to pedal through. On the not-too-thick snow, there’s tons of tire slippage going on but it’s kind of fun. Then it slipped while I was making a 90 degree turn and that wasn’t pretty. Actually maybe it was pretty – I wish I could see how I looked from third person. The bike fell sideways during the turn and I jumped off and kept on walking while still holding onto the handles and pulling the bike along. After walking a couple steps and regaining my balance, I jumped back onto the bike but the chain had fallen off so pedalling didn’t move the bike anymore. If it weren’t for that, I might’ve actually looked pretty cool. I had to take a moment to put the chain back on. Historically, I had to get my hands dirty to fix it.. That day, I discovered that if I just pedalled backwards a couple times, the chain will fall back onto the gears.

Biking in the snow was a bit more troublesome than I expected but it wasn’t too bad. Yesterday, I had to go to the library again for another game. It was snowing a bit so I decided to walk this time. For two weeks now, I have been biking on my stationary bike for many hours everyday. My legs were never sore from the previous day so I thought my legs were getting pretty damn good. They didn’t get tired from biking to the library either. However, when I woke up today, my legs were pretty sore. I guess it makes sense that biking is easier on the legs than walking, but it still caught me by surprise. I like the feeling of sore muscles though. It feels like I actually did some shit rather than just sitting around and procrastinating all day. I’m going to the library again tomorrow and I can’t decide whether I should walk or bike. I was leaning on walking earlier, but now I’m leaning towards biking. But then it snowed these past two days so walking might be wiser. I’m still completely undecided.

I have one last thought I want to write about to wrap this up. I saved the grossest for last. I haven’t talked about shit lately. And by shit, I’m talking about fecal matter. (I feel like I need a transition line here. Oh well. Enjoy the foreshadowing.) Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always enjoyed sitting in a bath every so often. As a child, I never noticed that I might be sitting in my own filth. When I’ve been taking bathes these last couple weeks, I notice a lot of skin and hair. I’m not really bothered by those too much, but then if I take a bath after I shit, it doesn’t matter how much I wipe and how much I spray my ass with the shower hose, when I sit in a bath, there’s always one tiny piece of shit dust floating around. It’s surprisingly self-contained and doesn’t change the color of the surrounding water, but it’s still unpleasant to have a tiny piece of shit floating around in the water I’m sitting in. Actually, the lack of color contamination makes sense if I compare it to regular shits in the toilet. The toilet water usually stays clear when I take healthy shits. Comparing these new bath experiences with my childhood ones, I have two theories. Either I’ve become more observant and pay more attention to detail as I’ve gotten older, or maybe my asshole is not as tight as it used to be and shit is slipping out.

SFT Podcast Episode 43 – First Time Excretions With Justin

We spent a lot of time talking about first times with pissing, shitting, masturbating, you name it.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/n4063xhuydgvglv/SFT-0043-First_Time_Excretions_With_Justin.mp3

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-wrFEM1lsk

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

Criminally Bad Sense Of Humor

We all know people who are not funny but they think they’re funny and they try to shove their “jokes and wit” down your throat. I exempt myself from that group because I don’t shove anything down anyone’s throats. I might write a lot of crap that you don’t find funny, but I’m not forcing you to read any of it. If you hate it, you’re shoving it down your own throat – not my fault.

I don’t know if there’s already a term for unfunny people who think they’re funny, but I will refer to them as humor criminals from this point forward. I’m not just being harsh here because I enjoy all kinds of humor: slapstick, dumb, childish, immature, smart, clever, puns, racist, offensive, absurd, everything. I usually don’t express my enjoyment in the form of laughter, but I still enjoy them. Almost everything can be funny. I’m all for exploring every topic, but it becomes criminal behavior when a person repeats something that’s not funny. A swing and a miss is perfectly fine, but don’t go continuing swinging and hit me in the head with it.

What’s funny and what’s not funny is very subjective. If you tell me a joke and I don’t like it, that’s fine, we don’t have to agree on everything. But once I tell you that it’s not funny to me, if you repeat the joke in front of me, that’s deliberately excluding me and that’s what offends me, not the unfunny joke itself.

…I thought I had more to say but then I lost interest in this topic. I “coined a term” for no reason because I never referred to it again. I don’t even know how to end this. I thought maybe I should end with a joke but it’s pretty hard to force a joke. Umm… given my history of thinking up blogs to write while I’m taking a shit, I went to take a shit to see if I can wrap this up. I couldn’t think of anything else to write and I ended up running out of toilet paper… in the whole house… so my day is pretty much ruined.

Shitting in Pants is a Blessing in Disguise

I’m writing this story right after shitting my pants. Correction: I’m writing this story right after cleaning myself for shitting my pants. I dealt with it very pragmatically, almost as if it was no big deal. If I were a regular pant-shitter, then shitting in my pants wouldn’t be a big deal. But I’m not a regular pant-shitter. I swear. Normally, it would be a big deal to shit my pants but I was able to react calmly because the conditions were just right: I was at the comfort of my home and there was no one around to ask me why I started smelling like shit all of a sudden.

Let me tell you how I shit my pants. Unfortunately, it’s not an amazing story. I was taking a piss and felt something that I was 100% sure it was a fart but when I let it out, some shit came out. Worse yet, it was was diarrhea shit. Sure, it was shocking at first but I didn’t let the shock faze me at all. I finished my piss, and then went to clean myself.

I’m sure I don’t need to convince anyone that shitting in your pants is a bad thing, but while I was cleaning my shit, I realized that it was a blessing in disguise. In fact, all pant-shitting events are blessings in disguise. You see, non-retarded humans learn from mistakes and shitting in my pants was definitely a mistake. The important thing is, I was able to learn from the experience. I now know that I should trust my farts a lot less. It truly is a blessing because from now on, I will be less prone to make the same mistake again. And there are ALWAYS worse situations to have shit in your pants. Shitting myself at home and learning the lesson could’ve prevented me from shitting myself in public. If one learned this lesson from a public experience, there can always be things to make it worse, like having done it on live TV or having the president around. And if that was already the case? Maybe you’ll lose your fingers one day and it’s easier to deal with shit with fully functional hands.

Ultimately, shitting my pants marks the worst case scenario for pant-shitting for me because I won’t make the same mistake again with worse conditions. The shit happened. I dealt with it. As bad as the situation may be, it’s over now. The peace of mind of knowing that life will get better after having shit myself makes life seem more positive.

Also, I normally wouldn’t study types of diarrhea, but cleaning it has taught me a few things about diarrhea that I never would’ve learned otherwise. However, I was exactly studying my shit, so that was kind of a missed opportunity for me. All I learned was that this particular shit was composed of tiny clumps and was not entirely liquid. Basically, I just learned that diarrhea doesn’t have to be all liquid and I am now familiar with how it looks when you spray water on it. Will this knowledge do me any good, ever? Probably not, but it doesn’t hurt to know.

Shit Stories Part XV: Ass Sweat

Generally speaking, ass sweat isn’t that bad. As far as I’m aware, it doesn’t actually smell so I consider it “clean sweat”. For the record, I’ve never actually tried to smell ass sweat up close so I don’t actually know that it doesn’t stink, but I know that it doesn’t stink from a safe distance. At worst, ass sweat is just a bit embarrassing when I sit down after a long day of sports and the sweat pools on the seat and an ass imprint of sweat is revealed when I stand up.

 

Well… that was the worst ass sweat can do outside of a shit story. The realm of shit stories is a whole other world. We all know that shit is disgusting and we all try to pretend like we’ve never touched shit before. But let’s be honest here, most of us have probably touched shit before, hopefully by accident. If you haven’t touched shit, you haven’t lived life. For me, it happens when I take an untamed shit and it seems to have splattered around my asshole quite a bit and I accidentally smear some on my hand when I wipe. It’s nasty, but it’s not a big deal because I get to clean it off right away. This happens often enough that whenever I wipe my ass and feel my hand-skin touching something wet, I expect to see shit on my hand when I un-reach it from my ass. Just prior to writing this, I was taking a shit, felt something wet as I wiped, and feared the worst. Turns out it was just ass sweat so don’t worry about any shit particle transferring from my hand to my keyboard, through the internet, and into your eyes.

That’s it for the shit story. My plan to start a podcast is still on track so keep an eye and ear out for that. Hopefully I’ll have something up in a week but I’ll definitely have something up in two weeks by the latest.

Shit Stories Part XIV: My First Shit Story

This might be the last shit story I write and it’s going to be about the first shit story I’ve ever told. I was in university with a bunch of people who were kind of my friends. We were friendly with each other and hung out mostly out of convenience. They would invite me out and I tried my best to go out with them to enjoy their company, and it was okay, but it wasn’t enough for me to pursue the friendship. Evidently, I wasn’t a great additional to their group either since they eventually stopped asking me out. I don’t think it was because I scared them away with my shit story. If I did scare them away, it would be from trying to sell them sanitary napkins, including the guys. It was that phase of my life. I wasn’t being a pushy or anything though. People just got uncomfortable when certain words are brought up regardless of context.

The girls were as equally awkward as the guys when I talked about pads.

The girls were as equally awkward as the guys when I talked about pads.

I don’t remember why I was telling this shit story. Maybe it was because someone was complimenting my awesome huge pectoral muscles back then and instead of saying “thanks”, I reward them with a shit story. That’ll make a little more sense once you hear this shit story but it still doesn’t justify why I would talk about shit instead of saying “thanks”.

Reward...

Reward…

I started off by saying I wasn’t sure if this story was too personal (for them. It’s not personal at all for the blog.). In my bathroom, there’s a mirror right next to the toilet. Sometimes, when I plan to shower after taking a shit, I would take off all my clothes before taking the shit because I was going to take them off for the shower anyway. In the nude, I would look at the mirror and see some belly fat and I hated it. It was this constant reminder that helped motivate me to work hard at sculpting an awesomer body.

But my body could never get as good as that because I don't have boobs.

But my body could never get as good as that because I don’t have boobs.

I ended the story the same way I started, by saying I wasn’t sure if it was too personal or weird and this one guy was overreacting and said, “Yes. Of course that was too personal.” Even though I basically got negative feedback, I liked that I was able to hold people’s attention by talking about unconventional things and evoke emotion in them. That wasn’t the moment I realized I wanted to write a blog about shit stories or anything, but it was definitely a moment early on that showed me this is the path I will be taking. It reminds me a lot of this clip of Louis CK honoring George Carlin. The whole video is worth watching but I linked you straight to the part where Louis talks about a joke that got a wild negative-ish reaction from the crowd but he would rather have that than shitty laughs.

I would rather a girl look at me in disappointment, disgust, or confusion than to not have a girl look at me at all.

I would rather a girl look at me in disappointment, disgust, or confusion than to not have a girl look at me at all.