Horrible Stand Up

Believe it or not, this is actually the better of the two sets. Some of the stories are like shittier versions of recent (and older) blog entries.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD9jwMFALfU&feature=youtu.be

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Resultless Effort

In preparation for my stand up comedy set tonight, I tried to write some jokes. I want to clarify that I didn’t write anything, but I tried. Trying is a tricky thing. A lot of people want to be given credit for trying. Their demand makes me want to give them even less credit. If you want to give someone credit for trying, that’s nice. But people shouldn’t go around expecting people to be nice, especially after they failed something. Well, I can’t generalize too much. There are times when the thought is appreciated. But when I go out tonight completely unprepared even though I tried, my failed attempts at writing jokes isn’t worth shit.

 

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know why I’m struggling so much to write jokes I want to tell. I can hardly even write any blog entries these days. I’ve only been able to write these short little things but at least I wrote something. I actually started writing this hoping to use it on stage but I don’t think I can use any of this. It’s just very heartbreaking to see that maybe I’m really unfit for the job. I wish I could write new stuff but I’m running out of time so I guess I’m going to have to reread my blog in hopes of finding something I can use instead of sitting around twiddling my thumbs and thinking about masturbating and not even doing that for reasons I don’t really know.

 

By the way, I know I’m being hard on myself and I’m not completely screwed for tonight. Last night, I already went through a bunch of joke material I’ve kept and pulled out a few that I’m going to use. I’m just disappointed there isn’t more and that I couldn’t write many new ones.

SFT Podcast Episode 31 – Stand Up Gay Bit

I might try doing another open mic for stand up comedy and I tell my favorite bit that I wrote last night about gay stuff. I also do a lot of rambling afterwards. By the end of it, I got pretty sick of myself, lol.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/sm/create/SFTpodcast/SFT-0031-Stand-Up-Gay-Bits.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/wdmpytqk9r0

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

So You Think You Want To Do Stand Up Comedy

I’m an introverted internet hermit but I did stand up comedy once, over a year ago, and I’m going to describe my thoughts and feelings on that experience. If you’re reading this, you’re probably someone who’s thinking about doing stand up but you’re not sure yet and you decided to look on the internet to see what people have to say about it. If that doesn’t describe you, then I don’t know how you came across this. Maybe you followed my blog after reading one of my many random topics. …I’m just going to keep writing with the assumption that you’re the perfect audience.

I don’t ask for much in life but at the same time, it’s pretty hard to get me excited about anything. The experience of being on stage and getting a laugh is very exhilarating and you just have to do it to know how it feels. If you think you would like it, it will only exceed your expectations (assuming you do well).

The first thing you should do is check out the open mics around your area. I watched several open mic shows before I did mine just to get a feel for the room. You don’t even need to think about performing; just go and enjoy a cheap show. When you see certain people do really poorly, it’ll help build your confidence knowing that you can at least do better than them.

When you feel the urge to write comedy, start writing them right away. When I was in the mood, I was writing page after page of material. They weren’t all great, but I was able to generate a lot of material to choose from. If you tell me to write comedy now, out of the blue, I won’t be able to write shit. So take advantage of your comedy moods and write down as much as possible.

Different people will have differing experience in performing. I had no experience and even though I practiced my material for hours and hours on my own, it’s very different to be talking in front of an audience. Even when I was performing it for just my friends, I was having a much harder time than when I was rehearsing in my room. If you’re not the kind of person who can just jump on stage and riff, then you need to practice until you think you’re ready, then do it ten more times.

…As of this moment, I just got bored of writing this so I’m just going to end it without any kind of conclusion. I never cease to surprise myself how lazy I can get.

Stand Up Material

Last week I was planning to do a 5 minute open mic to promote my blog a bit. Once it’s written, the material is there so I might as well try to get more people to enjoy it. I contacted Yuk Yuk’s but they didn’t contact me back. Plus, WordPress seems to be linking people to my blog pretty well so I don’t think I will be using that material anymore. Some of it is repeated material from previous entries but some of it is brand new. I liked it but for some reason my friends didn’t like it. Maybe my blog followers would enjoy it as much as I do.

The first thing you should know about me is that I’m a very depressed person. Once I got depressed past a certain point, past thoughts of suicide, nothing matters anymore. It’s great because I can pretty much do anything I want now and not care about consequences. I always have the backup option of not living anymore.

Offending people is awesome cause they can’t do anything to me. What, are they going to kill me? Please. No really, please, I beg you, do it. … Just to be clear, I don’t actually want anyone to kill me tonight. I needed to make that clarification just in case one of you are crazy. I mean, I don’t want to live anymore, but I don’t want to die either. Dying is too painful. I’m dying enough on stage already. I call my current state, passively suicidal.

The other new thing is that I’ve forsaken all goals and ambitions. With none of that, I realized that I think I actually want to go to prison. Why should I bother working to live if I don’t even enjoy living? I don’t want all the responsibilities of paying bills or even cooking or buying food for myself. Plus, I don’t enjoy anything anymore so I don’t need the freedom either. When I tell my friends about my prison plan, their first reaction is to ask me if I’m a faggot cause I’m going to get butt raped. I’m actually not too worried about the butt rape because I know I can at least go down fighting. In my current life, I can’t fight against anything. My mom tells me to go get a job and I can’t just punch her in the face. But if a dude is trying to rape me, I think I’d be justified to throw a few punches. I don’t think I would go down easily either. When they pin me down, they would have to pin me facing the wall or the floor and then they come at me from behind… cause that’s where my butt is. I used to bench over 200 pounds so I think I can push my way out of it. Think about it, when the guy is raping me, he has to go in and out. When he’s out, there’ll will be room for me to push out of it. I know it sounds like I’m reverse humping a guy who’s humping me, but I think it’ll work. Even if my resistance is futile, I wonder, how bad could it be? People do enjoy anal sex after all so maybe I’ll actually like it. At least I’ll finally be getting laid. I’m very open minded.

After having thoughts like those, I begin to wonder whether I’m actually gay. Think about it, I’m still a virgin and all my friends are guys. I pretty much avoid talking to girls so maybe I really am gay. And then I catch myself masturbating to lesbian porn and realize that I can’t be gay. If anything, I’m a lesbian. So when my friends ask me if I’m a faggot for wanting to go to prison… Well, what if I AM a faggot? Does that make everything okay? As much as I like being called a faggot, I’m not gay unfortunately.

That’s all I’ve got. I think I’m funnier in writing so I want to recommended anyone who doesn’t have an aversion to reading to check out my blog. It’s tedgaming.blogspot.ca or you can add me on facebook.com/tedgaming. Thanks, bye.