Going Full Retard…

I’m not sure where to start… I guess first off, if you’re going to get offended at my liberal use of the word retard, you should stop reading now. This post is not about me going full retard, but I’ve wondered about that before. During one the earlier days of depression, when I was still exploring the extent it can affect me, I had spent some time making retard noises. It all started when I was taking a shit. (A lot of my stories seem to start off with me taking a shit.) I try to make as little noise as possible in all aspects of life so it goes without saying that I don’t make constipated noises either. However, I was home alone and didn’t give a shit and wanted to make some constipated noises for “fun”. From there, I noticed that it sounded similar to retard noises so I started making retard noises instead. There are things you can do in life that marks a new high or low point. Taking a shit while making retard noises definitely marked a new low point.

After I finished taking that shit, I went to lie in bed. It wasn’t because I was exhausted from taking a shit; going to bed is just the default thing to do when a person’s depressed and doesn’t want to do anything. In bed, I made some more retard noises. I noticed that it was kind of similar to bawling noises. Now, I only made these retard noises because I knew there was no one around to hear them so it wouldn’t negatively affect anyone. Even still, why the fuck am I making those noises? Am I becoming a retard? Prior to this incident, I wouldn’t make retard noises even if no one was around, because I’m not a retard. What if I started making retard noises when people are around. Would I be a retard then?

I said this post wasn’t about me turning retarded. It isn’t. That’s as far as I’ve explored in my retard transformation. This story will get really depressing from here on out. My uncle’s been dying from cancer and my aunt has been taking care of him. I’ve been living with them for a couple weeks now to help out. Today, my uncle seems to have gone full retard. It wasn’t an instant change. It was fairly gradual. For a long time now, he’s hasn’t had much energy. He seems to lose more energy with each passing day. Walking had be difficult for him for a while now, but he was still able to walk. He lost his ability to walk yesterday. It’s not completely gone, but he needs a lot of support to barely walk now. Last week, he was pretty much able to walk on his own and it was just safer to have supervision.

Let me backtrack a little more. My uncle’s currently living with his wife who’s taking care of him full time and his 30 year old daughter who’s a teacher during a day, and loving daughter by night. I wrote an entry about that “love” here so I won’t repeat that again. For the past 2 weeks, my uncle has pretty much been completely ignoring his wife and daughter, chalking it up to lack of energy. I get it though. They constantly ask him if he wants anything, if he wants more water, more food, more whatever. Everything except actual love… He obviously has no appetite and no motivation to do anything, so all those questions are just annoying. His wife actually gets pretty pissed that he doesn’t respond to her to his own detriment which causes her more trouble because she has to take care of him. The part she’s really pissed about is that he actually responds to his brothers when they visit. This makes my uncle out to be not in as bad a shape as he is actually in and it makes my aunt look like a bitch for not being able to handle it. Again, I kind of get it. The constant nagging of the same questions can get very annoying, especially for someone who’s depressed and going through a lot of physical pain from the cancer too.

The combination of his increasing difficulty to move and his lack of response has turned my uncle into a full retard in all practical sense. His daughter tries to tell him funny stories from work but he doesn’t laugh, doesn’t even react. I kind of get it. I’m depressed as well, probably not as much as him, and I don’t react to the stories either. I would politely laugh if she were telling me that story in a one-on-one conversation, but in a group setting, I don’t bother laughing. He’s unamused. He tried talking to the personal support worker but she was a dumb bitch who could barely speak English so that didn’t go well either. With no stimulation for so many days, it’s not surprising at all that it’s taking a toll on his mental health. Now I’m not taking sides here. I’m not saying my uncle is justified or not justified to behave the way he’s behaving. I’m just saying that I can kind of see how it got to be this way. I’m not saying my aunt is doing a good or bad job either. I don’t know what things were like a month ago, 6 months ago, a year ago. I can say that my aunt’s trying her best and doing a LOT for him. Maybe her best just isn’t enough. Maybe she’s not giving him what he wants. As far as I can tell, she hasn’t been giving him any stimulating conversation and hasn’t given him any sex. I’m not even sure if he’s even capable of having sex at this point or if he wants it. I don’t know if he wants stimulating conversations either. I’m just listing things that he’s not getting.

The problem I have with this whole situation is that I could’ve made a difference- I could’ve made things better. I also wrote about this before, but about 10 days ago, my uncle tried to talk to me. He asked if I wanted to hear what he has to say about my life and I said “Sure, if you want”. He was a bit unhappy with my response because he was trying to talk to me for my sake, not his. At least back then, he had the energy to respond that way. He went on and said generic crap about how life isn’t fair and I should get a diploma, blah blah blah, typical mainstream advice. Nothing profound about it at all. I just nodded along and said “uh huh” until finally he said he’d leave me to my work. He also advised me to wear more clothes because it’s cold and the flu is going around. I responded but did not wear more clothes because I knew I didn’t need it. One by one, everyone got sick, including my uncle, but I’m still fine. I don’t get sick. Even if I catch a bug and I get a fever, I am not sickly. I can still function at over 90% which is far more than most people’s 100%. The part I feel a little guilty about is that unlike the women in his family, he seems to respond to me the few times I’ve spoken to him over the past couple weeks. I’m not annoying (yet). If I were a better conversationalist, I could’ve helped make his last days a lot less miserable. But unfortunately, I didn’t do shit about it. I feel bad, but not THAT bad because it’s not my responsibility. For instance, he would probably feel better if I listened to his “wise words”. Then what? You want me to go to school and not be able to drive him to the hospital? That doesn’t exactly help him. Plus, my life is not for him to guide. Am I supposed to go to school and get a “good” job just so other people are happy? If I’m supposed to just do everything to make others happy, why don’t I blow him too. I’m sure life would be awesome if everyone tells you that your dick is delicious and they can’t get enough of it. But it’s not my job to do that. Neither is it my job to live my life to their old fashioned standards. If they would stop demoralizing me, maybe it wouldn’t take me so long to make games and be depressed as fuck while I do it. I’m choosing to do what I do regardless of what they say. They can either support me or get in my way. And everyone in my life just wants to fucking get in my way. They just want to relieve themselves of blame. Because of the generic advice they’re giving me, when I fail at life, I can’t justly blame them. Yet they don’t care that I’m presently blaming them for my misery. People are stupid.

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SFT Podcast Episode 25 – Homeless Eating

The main theme of this episode is about perspective. The homeless eating stuff is near the end and I discuss how perspectives might change when one becomes homeless. There’s also a bunch of other stuff like incest and stupidity.

Dropbox:

SFT Podcast Episode 25 – Homeless Eating

Youtube:

http://youtu.be/Li6x7o4qnlk

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

The Day I Got Circumcised

I don’t know how many people remembers the day they got circumcised as vividly as I do. It was kind of a nightmare to go through but I have to admit that certain things must’ve looked hilarious to people who aren’t me so I’ll write about it for your entertainment. At first, I was trying to think of a title that’s parodies “the day I lost my virginity” and make it about my dick instead. I think it would’ve been one of my horrible failed pun titles so be glad that I went with a straightforward one instead. And now, let the story of the unfolding of my foreskin unfold. (Dammit, I hate it when force stupid puns that don’t really work but I can’t stop doing it.)

I wish I could smile like that and call myself silly with those puns but I actually harbor a lot of hate for myself for making them.

I wish I could smile like that and call myself silly with those puns but I actually harbor a lot of hate for myself for making them.

I don’t remember the exact age that I had my penis circumcised. I know it happened while I was in Hong Kong and I moved to Canada at 6 so it would’ve been one of those first 6 years. I think it was when I was 2 or 3 years old but I’m not too sure so it might also have been when I was 1 or 4 or 5. I only know that it’s not 0 or 6. I was a nice and obedient child so when my parents took me out that day, I didn’t ask stupid questions. Thinking back, I wonder why I never questioned any part of it at any point. I just went along with everything because I trusted my parents 100%. What a dumb kid I was. But then again, at 3 years old, I’m completely powerless anyway.

I would also be completely powerless as a girl because I'll just stare at my boobs all day.

I would also be completely powerless as a girl because I’ll just stare at my boobs all day.

I laid on the doctor’s table and followed his every instruction with a smile on my face. I just realized that I was actually a happy enthusiastic child but my parents wore me down over the years and now I’m a super cynical and depressed piece of shit. I don’t think any anesthesia was used for the procedure. Or maybe the doctor just snuck it in there without me knowing. He told me to count to 100 and I was proudly showing off my ability to do so. He may have told me to count odd or even numbers only because otherwise, I must’ve been retarded to be proud of being able to count. Actually, being proud to skip numbers is still pretty retarded.

Almost as retarded as a girl fixing her hair while stretching in her underwear on a field. Almost.

Almost as retarded as a girl fixing her hair while stretching in her underwear on a field. Almost.

I started off counting super fast and the doctor told me to slow down. I started over again and only got to around 40 when the doctor said he’s all done. At this point, I had no idea what procedure I just went through. I had to take off my pants and I knew he was working on my nether regions but I actually didn’t bother to think about what just happened. I was like a stupid little retard. I don’t know how much slack I should cut myself for being 3 at the time. We left the clinic and my parents called a cab. I literally jumped into the cab, just being the active happy child that I was. When I landed on the seat, I paused for a moment, realized that I felt immense pain, and started crying. The cab driver must’ve been like “wtf” but I don’t remember paying any attention to him at all because I was too busy crying like a little bitch who hurt his dick from sitting. My parents handed me the game boy and I started holding back my tears so I can play Super Mario Land.

It was one of these old school 1st gen game boys.

It was one of these old school 1st gen game boys.

Even at the time, I realized how stupid it was that I can be pleased so easily, but that didn’t stop me from getting pleased that easily. Because I was a stupid kid, I was only able to pass the first 2 levels so I just played those over and over again. I guess that’s the story of the day I got circumcised. I remember that for weeks after, I had to put empty toilet paper rolls around my dick like dogs with their cones. I also remembered that the first time peeing after the circumcision was painful and it made me cry and I was afraid of peeing for a little while.

If she just had her dick circumcised, that pose would be so painful.

If she just had her dick circumcised, that pose would be so painful.

A Quick Guide to Fixing 3D Crosstalk / Ghosting

My blog’s all over the place. I should really pick a few topics to focus on but I’m a real word slut and really want people to see my words so I’ll write anything that needs writing. I was looking into this problem and didn’t find a solution on the first page of Google so I found my own solution and here’s to hoping this guide will make it to the first page of Google. By the time someone searches for a guide to fix this, they already know what 3D crosstalk and ghosting is but for those who don’t know, it’s when your 3D movie is making you see more than 1 image when it’s not supposed to.

The real solution is to buy a better TV without the problem. But for everyone else, you can practically eliminate it by reducing brightness and contrast levels on your display. Easy.

Now that I’ve fixed your problem, help me share my blog online and make me famous. Stop watching stupid 3D movies and read my dumb jokes instead, lol.

For people who don’t have 3D TVs, here’s a George Carlin joke for you so you didn’t just waste your time reading something completely irrelevant. Why George Carlin? Because he’s simply better than me. Anyway, the joke is:

“Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.”

My Mom Vs. Normal Part I

I always bitch about how my parents annoy me and on a few rare occasions, I wonder if I’m the one at fault. Maybe I’m just easily annoyed and they’re not actually that annoying. But then they brilliantly come in and prove me wrong. There are many ambiguous situations where it seems like I’m pissed at them for asking a perfectly normal question, but upon closer inspection, it wasn’t asked quite so perfectly normal(ly? this sounds weird… oh well).

To the untrained eye, I might seem like the bad guy but people who have annoying people in their lives will understand me. You have to bear in mind that my mom is constantly so annoying and that there are no existing pleasant experiences with her. Even if it’s not THAT bad, she overwhelms me with quantity. If you don’t have someone like that in your life, you simply won’t understand. You can’t just imagine yourself in that position because human imagination sucks. You just can’t understand just like how I would never understand what it’s like to be a black person. I’ll never know what it’s like to have a big dick, dance well, and see floating eyes and teeth in the mirror at night.

So I volunteered to drive my brother from the airport tomorrow and my mom annoyingly asked me if I’ve set up a meeting with him yet… and I got annoyed. Let’s analyze what my mom just did and how a normal person should’ve done it. First of all, if she trusts me, I shouldn’t even be questioned at all. Sure, it would be okay to give me a passing reminder but the key words are “passing” and “reminder”. What my mom did was a failed attempt at firm interrogation. A normal person might just ask if I remember about tomorrow and I’ll say “yup” and that’s the end of a normal pleasant conversation. The person reminding me knows that it’s a reminder and that it’s a brief conversation, so she would probably be doing something else or just walking past. Of course, my mom did the complete opposite. She walked into my room, planted herself next to me, and asked if I’ve told my brother that I’m driving him yet. The wording is so negatively presumptuous. She assumes that there’s even a delay between my volunteering and updating my brother on the information. Annoyed, I just grunted “yeah” and that COULD have been the end of a not so pleasant, but not terrible, exchange of words. But then she goes on and asks if I’ve discussed where to meet him yet. Really? I need HER help to do this? Bear in mind that I’m a very self sufficient person who can do everything on my own and never fails and never asks for help. Meanwhile, she’s a publicly stupid person who fears doing stuff she’s unfamiliar with and asks for help all the time. I don’t need any help and I did, she wouldn’t be helpful anyway.

To back myself up even more, my aunt once asked my mom to pick her up at the airport and my mom said no because she doesn’t know how to drive to the airport. She genuinely believed that was a legit excuse and had no ill intentions but it was stupid nonetheless. Nobody’s born knowing how to drive to the airport. The question is whether the person is worth learning to drive to the airport for and my mom’s response was no.

Wow I’m slow…

I originally started this blog on google’s blogspot (or is it blogger?) and duplicated here on wordpress to see which blog I like more. Turns out I like google a bit more so I’ve been updating that blog and abandoned this one. I’ve frequently revisited my email notifications that someone liked my blog and only now, 2 months later, that I’ve been updating the wrong blog lol. http://tedgaming.blogspot.ca/ is my main blog but I guess I’ll duplicate all content here as well. That said, I will be updating this blog with like 20 posts in an hour but I wrote those entries over the span of a few months.