I don’t know how many people remembers the day they got circumcised as vividly as I do. It was kind of a nightmare to go through but I have to admit that certain things must’ve looked hilarious to people who aren’t me so I’ll write about it for your entertainment. At first, I was trying to think of a title that’s parodies “the day I lost my virginity” and make it about my dick instead. I think it would’ve been one of my horrible failed pun titles so be glad that I went with a straightforward one instead. And now, let the story of the unfolding of my foreskin unfold. (Dammit, I hate it when force stupid puns that don’t really work but I can’t stop doing it.)
I don’t remember the exact age that I had my penis circumcised. I know it happened while I was in Hong Kong and I moved to Canada at 6 so it would’ve been one of those first 6 years. I think it was when I was 2 or 3 years old but I’m not too sure so it might also have been when I was 1 or 4 or 5. I only know that it’s not 0 or 6. I was a nice and obedient child so when my parents took me out that day, I didn’t ask stupid questions. Thinking back, I wonder why I never questioned any part of it at any point. I just went along with everything because I trusted my parents 100%. What a dumb kid I was. But then again, at 3 years old, I’m completely powerless anyway.
I laid on the doctor’s table and followed his every instruction with a smile on my face. I just realized that I was actually a happy enthusiastic child but my parents wore me down over the years and now I’m a super cynical and depressed piece of shit. I don’t think any anesthesia was used for the procedure. Or maybe the doctor just snuck it in there without me knowing. He told me to count to 100 and I was proudly showing off my ability to do so. He may have told me to count odd or even numbers only because otherwise, I must’ve been retarded to be proud of being able to count. Actually, being proud to skip numbers is still pretty retarded.
I started off counting super fast and the doctor told me to slow down. I started over again and only got to around 40 when the doctor said he’s all done. At this point, I had no idea what procedure I just went through. I had to take off my pants and I knew he was working on my nether regions but I actually didn’t bother to think about what just happened. I was like a stupid little retard. I don’t know how much slack I should cut myself for being 3 at the time. We left the clinic and my parents called a cab. I literally jumped into the cab, just being the active happy child that I was. When I landed on the seat, I paused for a moment, realized that I felt immense pain, and started crying. The cab driver must’ve been like “wtf” but I don’t remember paying any attention to him at all because I was too busy crying like a little bitch who hurt his dick from sitting. My parents handed me the game boy and I started holding back my tears so I can play Super Mario Land.
Even at the time, I realized how stupid it was that I can be pleased so easily, but that didn’t stop me from getting pleased that easily. Because I was a stupid kid, I was only able to pass the first 2 levels so I just played those over and over again. I guess that’s the story of the day I got circumcised. I remember that for weeks after, I had to put empty toilet paper rolls around my dick like dogs with their cones. I also remembered that the first time peeing after the circumcision was painful and it made me cry and I was afraid of peeing for a little while.