Games SpoilTED Part III

A Word From Ted

What?! Looking at the headings, this looks just like part II and the roman numero looks damn similar too. I’m writing more about Ni No Kuni and Dragon Ball Z because I realized that last time I actually didn’t spoil anything about those games at all. For the sake to sticking with the title, I will go on and write some spoilers for those games too, not that there’s much to spoil. I wrote my last entry a couple days ago and since then, I have now finished Dragon Ball and Atelier Ayesha. An average game lasts about 10 hours so it seems I can play through an average of a game a day which is ridiculously retarded. You know what I say: A video game a day, keeps the pussies away.

Ni No Kuni

Throughout the whole game, the main character is special because he can do magic. Magic… the lazy explanation for everything. All the bad guys are originally good guys turned evil due to tragic reasons. Boohoo. “I used to be good but something shitty happened and now I will destroy the world.”

Dragon Ball Z Ultimate Tenkaichi

Goku beats up all the bad guys. That’s the whole story, saga after saga. While playing story mode, I hated the battle system and thought that it would be more interesting if I at least gained experience and level up from the battles. Then I played hero mode and that’s exactly what the game gave me but somehow that game was even shittier.

Atelier Ayesha

Super gorgeous anime girls talk suggestively about lesbian tendencies and stripping a male character to put ointment on him. I was blown away with how great the game looked and I just loved looking at all the girls. Yes, I’m an anime pervert. They should make an H game with these great graphics. If you don’t know what an H game is, good for you. You’re better off not knowing.

I didn’t keep track of how long I played but I think I played for 30 hours and loved it. But then the game decided to kick me in the balls. The object of the game is to research alchemy and save your sister who will disappear in 3 years. The counter on the year was odd because it didn’t change to year 2 on January 1 so I assumed that the year was based on story points. Then all of a sudden, the game told me I ran out of time and sent me to the bad ending and now I have to start over. Fuck that shit. Why the fuck do game developers make games with a grand timer that limits your exploration of the game? Especially for a fuckin’ game where you collect tons of items to perform alchemy. I wanted to love the game, and I did, until it fucked me over. I started playing from the beginning again with my equipment carried over but it simply wasn’t worth it. I loved the music, loved the graphics, loved the characters, and loved the dialogue, but I can’t be bothered to replay the game again. Maybe someday… Fuckin’ beautiful piece of shit game…

Games SpoilTED Part II

A Word From Ted
This is a heads up that this entry turned out to be more about gaming than I would have preferred. This is a little warning for non-gamers that they might not enjoy this entry as much as my other hilarious ones. Personally, I think it’s still funny and interesting enough for non-gamers to read because I wrote it and I’m an amazing writer. Anyway, I just don’t want anyone to read it and feel like they’ve wasted their time. Use your own judgement. You have been warned.

Ni No Kuni

It seems they only have enough budget to do 5% of the voice-overs. I didn’t think I’d mind it this much, but it bugs me a lot. The game is also very slowly paced with a very flawed battle system. My allies and I always get tangled up in a knot and walk into each other, blocking each other’s way from attacking the enemies. It happens in every battle and it’s so annoying that it practically ruined the whole game for me. Somewhere, someone in charge saw this and said it was fine and left this terrible bugginess in the game. As a critically acclaimed game, it’s terrible. This would be a great game to stumble upon with no expectations but if you even expect it to be adequate, you might get disappointed.

Dragon Ball Z Ultimate Tenkaichi

I went into this game without knowing what dragon balls are and was thoroughly confused by the game. Just kidding, I’ve play too many Dragonball Z games to count so I’m technically a fan. I have fond memories of watching the anime as a child but I think a lot of that is lost in the modern day for someone to see the series for the first time. I’ve only “played” a few hours so far and I plan to finish it but I’ve seen enough that I’m ready to judge. The word “play” was in quotes because I can hardly consider this a game. It’s pure button mashing, even more so than the traditional sense of the word. If you own a controller that can press buttons repeatedly by holding down a button, then you’ve pretty much beat half the game. The other half of the game is simply choose one of two choices and if both players picked the same thing, the attack is blocked. Otherwise, the attack is successful. It is as stupid as it sounds.The fights feel more like I’m telling the characters what to do rather than controlling them and making them do it. There are also bullshit “chase battles” where you “play” the chase scenes with shitty game mechanics.

The moves are flashy and fun to watch. The story mode also has lots of original anime-style cutscenes. It’s basically just watching the show except a lot of animations are repeated. Oh wait, that’s exactly like the anime. Seriously though, the only reason that this is called a game is because you push buttons and it’s not in 30 minute episodes. That said, I do mildly enjoy watching the things the go on in the TV and I’ll probably play the game to its completion unless it somehow pisses me off.