Too Many Boob Thoughts

I usually start off with a few thoughts but I already wrote a whole entry just before this so I guess I should dive right into the random words.

 

…I really do feel like I want to start off with some thoughts first. I was thinking of writing about working out but I don’t like to write about that because it ventures too close to bragging. I guess just let it be known that I’m working out. A lot.

 

Okay, the first word is baseman. Baseman refers to baseball players who are guarding the bases. When I first saw the word, that was not what I had in mind at all. It doesn’t matter what I thought though cause those weren’t interesting anyways. I’ve never watched baseball and barely played it in real life but I actually learned all the rules pretty thoroughly from a super nintendo animal baseball game that was super fun. The other thing that comes to mind is people referring to sexual acts with bases. I never really liked that. As far as I know, first base is kissing, second base is boob play, third base is fingering the pussy, and home run is vaginal sex. I don’t like it because there’s an implied order to do those things and an implied achievement level for each activity. It didn’t jive with me because I always thought boob play is the awesomest thing ever and it feels underrated in that base system. The other thing I don’t like about it is that it only covers those 4 activities. There are plenty of other activities that should rank better than those 4 but they get no mentions at all. It is too flawed a system for me to appreciate.

 

I have the same problem with virginity. It places way too much importance in vaginal sex. What about anal? In most cases, getting someone to do anal is a bigger achievement than vaginal. There are also other ambiguities. Does one need to finish inside a vagina for it to count? I think most people don’t require that. If not, then how many thrust does it take to count as losing one’s virginity? One? Does one thrust really count? If so, then what constitutes as a thrust. How much of the penis needs to enter the vagina for it to count as one complete thrust? Does any of this matter? No. No it doesn’t. That’s why virginity is such a pointless term to toss around and it’s nonsensical how much importance our society places on it.

 

The next word is presetting. My first thought about presettings is how sounds in video games are set up. Often times, the sound effects are too loud and it’s way better if it’s turned down. It’s sad how people spend so much time making the games but the presettings are far from the optimal, causing most people to have an inferior experience. Most people don’t give a shit about that nerdy game talk so I’m not happy writing just that. My next thought is microwave presettings but I don’t have any thoughts on that. Microwaves just came to mind when I thought of presettings. Among those, popcorn is what comes to my mind first. Is this train of thought going anywhere? Popcorn… popcorn… I like popcorn… and I like the kernels too…. I bought Nature Box snacks recently that had honey roasted kernels and I enjoyed those…. Of the 5 snacks they sent me, I tried the kernel first and was happy with that but then I tried and did not like any of the other 4 snacks. Congratulations. You just followed a train to nowhere. On the one hand, I’m a little disappointed that I had nothing interesting to say. On the other hand, I’ve written enough on this word already that I feel okay with just moving on.

 

Next word is intervalley. For a moment, I thought this was a pointless word that means the same thing as valley but then I found that it actually refers to the space between valleys. I’m trying to think of how to use that word usefully and I’m having a hard time. I guess I don’t live around valleys enough to use such a word. Now I’m trying to think of non-geographic valleys. The first thing that came to mind is boob cleavage. One could call that a valley, right? Oh and don’t be surprised that boob cleavage is what came to my mind first. I’m pretty boob obsessed. Always have been and probably always will be. Proudly so. Until someone shames me for it.

 

Anyway, that’s just one valley though. I need two valleys for the word intervalley to mean anything. I was trying to justify in my head… what if we called the upper part of the cleavage a valley and the lower part another valley. Then the part where the boobs touch would be the intervalley. I don’t think the upper and lower cleavage can be called valleys though since it doesn’t rise back up again, unless the person is a mutant. Then I started thinking about other body parts. Nostrils can maybe be called valleys but it’s odd because when we stand rightside up, they’re upside down. The next body part I have in mind makes more sense to be called valleys since they are displayed upside down more often, putting them in the rightside up to be called valleys. Can you guess what body part I have in mind? It’s the vagina and butthole. If those are my valleys, then the taint would be my intervalley. So I guess the taint is the intervalley of the human body.

 

Next word is painful. If I didn’t bold all my words, I could make a stupid pun where I pretend like I’m describing the next word rather than listing it. I’m reminded of a similar kind of pun with the name Mark Hu. Mark who? Mark Hu. Mark who? Mark Hu! …And that can go on for as long as you want, or until the other person punches you in the face.

 

I can’t believe I don’t have anything more relevant to write about painful. …I might be better off leaving this one alone because it can easily lead me down a rabbit hole of depression.

 

The last word is intersystematical. Until I started writing these random word entries, I’ve never encountered so many words with so many prefixes and suffixes. I kind of like it. But I don’t see how I can use these words without sounding like a total douchebag. Intersystematical refers to the space between systems of stars. I wonder if there’s a more day-to-day way to use that word like I tried to do with intervalley. When I try to think of what systems are out there, I think of workplace as a system and computer operating systems. I don’t think this is leading anywhere funny. … Wow, this is a very unfunny word.

 

I’m going to have to take drastic actions to make this even mildly amusing. I thought about changing 2 letters to make “system” into “sister” and the new word is intersisteratical. Wtf? It’s not a word at all but I’m not getting the red squiggly underline. Anyway, that was just a throwaway and doesn’t mean anything. I don’t know why I feel like documenting my train of thought. What I’m actually going to write about comes from the “sys” part which reminded me of the term cisgender. I learned that from a transexual on a podcast. I think his name is Buck Angel. Cisgender is basically the opposite of a transexual. It’s a person who was born the gender that they want to be. Basically it’s a term to label normal people. I loosely threw the word “normal” around in a previous entry and it also caught my attention at the time. I’m using the word in the strictest, scientific sense. The norm is just what’s most common. There’s nothing wrong with being abnormal. Being special isn’t a bad thing.

 

Back to cisexuality. I don’t know if I’m cisgender. I have no intention of undergoing a transition because that takes way too much time, money, effort, and it still isn’t perfect. I do envy the female body a lot though. If I could magically be a girl temporarily, I would definitely want to try it out. Definitely gonna play with my boobs and masturbate. But even with access to a magical transformation, I don’t know if I necessarily want to commit to being a girl permanently. One of my biggest fears would be suddenly being attracted to penises. But I guess that fear would be irrelevant if I became a girl. Plus, I could always opt to be a lesbian. That’s the dream.

Tale of Losing My Virginity; Got Paid to Get Laid

This is a detailed account of the night (tonight) I lost my virginity. I haven’t felt like doing anything lately and haven’t been blogging either but my friend paid me to write this. I’m getting paid to write about getting laid, not for getting laid, in case there’s still misunderstanding because I purposely misled you. I still had to pay for the hooker. I actually had to pay the hooker more than I’m getting paid so I just got a discount to lose my virginity. By now, you should be aware that this isn’t a sexy story. If you must, go somewhere else to masturbate because this story is kind of a boner killer.

At around 6 pm, my friend (the one who’s paying me to write this) told me that he and his hooker-savvy friend is going out for massage and sex and asked if I was interested in coming. Given my lack of will to pursue any work or entertainment, I figured I’ll go out to get laid if my friend is driving and paying for it. I’m a cheap guy and I like to make the most of my money. If possible, I want to make the most out of the transaction, finishing as many times as I can. Apparently, the pro-whore friend told me that 30 minutes means finishing once and doesn’t actually go by the time. It’s kind of tricky because prostitution is probably illegal so you kind of have to adapt their euphemisms and can’t get clearly defined rules. I still would’ve asked and see if I can get a full 30 minutes and I would just ask them explicitly when we start because I’d already be naked by that point so there’s no need to beat around bushes anymore. I know I can historically finish quickly so I would’ve wanted to at least ask for a 5 minute warranty. The other thing is that I still kind of want to go to prison so getting caught by cops would actually have been far from the worst case scenario.

The plan for the night is as follows: first, my 2 friends want to get a regular massage, hopefully with happy endings or more, and then we visit the straight up full service place. If the first place turns out to provide full service, then they’ll let me know and I can purchase my services there as well. The first place had two decent ladies but I would’ve hoped for even better ones. We didn’t know what we were in for so only one of my friends went in first. The other guy and I went to grab some food while we waited. I’m cheap so I actually didn’t purchase any food. The friend offered me some of his fries so I ate some. This guy was actually a friend of the other friend so we didn’t know each other too well and I just filled the time with my usual depressing talks. I pretty much covered anything you would read from the blog except I was more depressing and less funny. I can’t imagined my moping was good especially on a night he’s planning to get laid. He probably felt bad and offering fries was the least he could do.

After a while, the massaged friend called to pick him up and he informed us that they offered happy endings. This piqued the interest of the other friend and he decided to go in for the service too. I didn’t go because I wanted full service. If I’m losing my virginity, I’d like to do it right, as much as money can buy, at a reasonable price. At this point, they agreed that they were still taking me to the other place after both their happy endings so I didn’t mind waiting. I’ve already waited 23 years so a couple more hours wasn’t going to hurt me.

Now I went to get food with this friend. We went to KFC and again, I didn’t buy anything. He bought a little combo meal and gave me the chicken drumstick. We mostly joked about happy endings and condoms, you know, typical dinner talk for guys. Afterwards, we went to Baskin Robins to get some ice cream. I didn’t want to pay for anything but my friend insisted to buy me some. I’ve been spending a lot of time writing about food and given that I’m most notoriously known for my shit stories, I’m going to disappoint you right now and let you know that this doesn’t lead to a nasty diarrhea sex story.

After waiting around for a while, the other friend finally finished and now we head towards the real climax of the evening. It was a disappointing climax but I used that word just for the double entendre. This new location is an apartment complex and the lobby smelled bad. The odor was made nastier because we all had cum on our minds. At this point, I wasn’t nervous or anything. I hadn’t put much thought in this whole thing since I haven’t been thinking about anything at all for the past year or so. I’m not even sure if my brain is capable of thoughts anymore since I’ve been letting it rot for so long. My friends told me that I need to follow through with this and I just said sure. I didn’t really care. As long as the girls weren’t ugly, I didn’t plan to chicken out. If I’m going to pain my cheap mind to spend money, even if it’s my friend’s money, I expect a certain quality.

When we finally got in the room, I was immediately disappointed. They weren’t terrible looking, but they were definitely less than I expected. They were definitely worse than the ones in the first locations so there was an added sense of regret. When I was in the car, I was wondering whether I’d pick a prettier face with no boobs or a lesser face with better boobs. That didn’t matter anymore because I didn’t have any options and the only 2 I could choose from were both mediocre looking with decent boobs. When we arrived, I didn’t talk but I was slowly trying to back out of it because we all knew they weren’t lookers. But then my friends went right ahead of ordered one up for me despite my hesitation. I didn’t want to be a party pooper and since I wasn’t paying, I complied, but I wasn’t excited at all.

The place was pretty hush-hush and everybody spoke with indoor voice. I wasn’t crazy about the fact that they barely speak English but that’s not exactly a deal breaker for what I’m doing. I was led into a room and the woman asked if I speak Chinese. I told her that I speak Cantonese and it was as though she didn’t know what Cantonese was. She asked the same question a few more times, in English and in Mandarin, and I kept giving her the same answer and added that I was from Hong Kong. She didn’t get it but whatever, we just proceeded. She told me to start and I declared that I was putting on a condom and she shushed me. I said it slightly loud by accident but I wasn’t screaming it or anything and it felt weird to be shushed. The whore-philliac friend had advised me to try to hold out longer but when it was all about to start, I didn’t really have anything in mind. I didn’t try to finish quick or slow, I just went with it.

As a Chinese guy, my dick is pretty small already and because I wasn’t excited, I was completely flaccid and it was as tiny a knob as it’s ever been. I’ve never shaved that area so it was practically camouflaged in the bushes. Like most people, I try to make jokes to ease awkwardness so I outright joked and said “It’s small, isn’t it?” I have no idea if she heard or understood because of her poor English but it wasn’t important. When I took off my shirt, she “ooo”-ed and rubbed my chest. I don’t know if it was purely an act or if she was excited because I was actually kind of built or if she thought it was funny that I was hairless. Earlier, my friend told me about freely touching boobs because he knew my taste and knew that I would’ve wanted to know that. So I only hesitated a little as I reached for the boobs because that’s the only attraction at that point. In my years of virginity, I had already thought of the possibility that boob-touching is overhyped and that was definitely the case tonight. It just felt like oval flesh. It wasn’t particularly exciting. It was fine. It didn’t get me hard and I was planning to play with them a bit but she kind of brushed my arm off after a couple squeezes and told me to lie down. I guess she just wanted to get right to my dick so she can get rid of me sooner. I lied down and reached for a boob and she kinda pushed it away again and told me she was going to suck my dick. I guess she pushed my hand away to get into sucking position. She sucked for a bit and my dick rose steadily. Once it was up, I didn’t know how quickly I would finish so I stopped her and asked for pussy. It was pretty awkward asking for pussy and not knowing if she understood me or not. I didn’t know where to start so I just let her lead. We switched to her lying down and because I was awkwardly on top of her, I couldn’t really reach for boob anymore. If it isn’t clear already, I’m kinda obsessed with boobs.

I didn’t wait for my dick to get fully hard so it was pretty difficult to shove such a small object into its destination. I didn’t really care about my small dick but the most disappointing part was that I couldn’t feel anything because of the condom. I was very disappointed in sex. I give myself a way better handjob. I didn’t know how to get into fucking positions and ours parts didn’t seem to fit together. When I tried to get on the bed, she pointed at me feet and said “No toes.” I don’t know how I was supposed to fuck her without my feet on the bed. I’ve never fucked so my pelvic muscle wasn’t strong. Not only that, but I don’t have a big range of motion to work with because of my short dick. My dick is probably proportional to my height, average-ish, but it didn’t help that it wasn’t even at its full length. If that’s not bad enough already, I also had to take a break after my first thrust because I pulled my hamstring right away. This sex thing wasn’t working and we switched position several times. None of the positions seem to work. I forgot to mention that I kind of needed to pee before we started so when she was bouncing on top, my bladder felt a lot more than my dick did. Whenever I had a free hand, I tried to reach for a boob and she keeps brushing it off after a short while. I don’t know what the deal is. Much like a fly, she’d let me go at it shortly to see if I would move away myself I guess. She didn’t react greatly to it either. It was just weird. Finally, she offered to finish with her hands and I just said sure. She only went at it for a little while and she already seemed tired and disgruntled with her hands. Disappointing. I could’ve done a better job myself. The rest is history.

Prior to tonight, I actually feared that I might enjoy sex too much and be forced to get a job to finance this obsession. Instead, my depression and lack of motivation to live just got reaffirmed. Not a great night. The fast food I had with my friends was way better than the sex. It was un-noteworthy but it still wouldn’t have been a bad night if it wasn’t for the fact that I left something in my friend’s car. I had to drive 30 minutes to my friend’s house to pick it back up. Now it’s just a waste of time and money. I would’ve been better off spending that money on Tales of Xillia for the PS3 that came out last month. Yes, I think about video games more than sex. What a nerd I am.

Porns and Recreation

In short, this is a compilation of a bunch of observations I have about porn. I’ve made a lot of observations because I’m an avid porn collector. …I just stared at the screen for 20 minutes trying to think of the next line that would justify that remark but I can’t come up with anything. I guess that’s just honestly who I am now, plain and simple. I mean, I spent all of last night binge browsing for new videos to collect and I’m writing about it right now so porn is pretty much my whole life. This entry is a composition of my musings from one night of porn browsing.

 

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

It’s not uncommon for guys complain about fake tits. But it is uncommon to hear guys praising fake tits. I don’t get it. Why don’t I hear more people praising them? I’ll be the first to say I love fake tits as much as I love real ones. Maybe I only think that because anything is better than nothing and I’ve always had nothing. Or maybe I just have weird tastes because I also often prefer girls with glasses. There’s a porn video called Girls With Glasses but 1 minute into the video, one of the girls takes off her glasses, wtf?

That's like the equivalent of me saying I'm going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

That’s like the equivalent of me saying I’m going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

Speaking of porn titles, when guys see the name of their girlfriend or their ex, they simply have to check out the video. The chance of it being the same girl is nearly impossible but we just have to make sure. It’s a bit of a weird mentality. Kind of like how sometimes I’ll see a girl that looks decent but isn’t nearly as good as some of the girls in other videos that I have but I keep the video anyway because I’d feel sorry for her if I deleted it. That’s a really fucked up kind of sympathy.

"Eeeeee-okay I'll keep this video" - fucked up sympathy face.

“Eeeeee-okay I’ll keep this video” – fucked up sympathy face.

I’m a very hardcore fan. When I like something, I need to have EVERYTHING. This applies to games, movies, tv shows, comedians, actors, and porn actors. Some of the videos aren’t even good but I keep it anyway because I’m such a loyal fan. Evidently, I like porn a lot so I’m basically downloading all the porn which proves to be problematic in many ways. I’ve complained about my internet a few times on this blog already. I switched internet service providers a couple months ago and I’ve been having problems ever since. I have this problem where I can’t surf the web when I’m downloading stuff. So now I have to choose between downloading porn, or continue browsing for videos to add to my huge ass porn queue.

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. ...Not every caption's gonna be comedy gold, okay?

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. …Not every caption’s gonna be comedy gold, okay?

Now I’m not literally downloading all the porn because that would be insane. Like many other men, I don’t enjoy seeing penises when I engage in sexual activity and masturbation is my only sexual activity. So I basically just download all the lesbian porn. I’ve recently discovered that my porn preference is even more specific and it’s fairly odd. It turns out that I don’t like sexy girls. I actually don’t like watching sex, not even lesbian sex. I basically just enjoy watching pretty girls doing anything as long as they’re nude. On some rare occasions, I keep softcore porn that has guys in it. In those cases, I prefer the guy to be offscreen as much as possible and when he’s on screen, I prefer that he’s clothed. Again, sexiness isn’t part of the equation for me. It’s all about naked girls and boobies. I’m pretty sure this won’t bode well in my future sex life, if I ever get one.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn't turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won't get into here since this entry is super long already.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn’t turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won’t get into here since this entry is super long already.

I’m still fairly young and I’ve lived with my parents all my life. It just makes sense to watch porn with no sound, especially when I’m watching while other people are home. Every so often, I would be home alone and I decide to unmute the porn to enjoy it at its fullest. Maybe it’s because I’m used to getting sexually aroused with no sound, but the girls’ sexual cries actually make me uncomfortable and I end up re-muting the video most of the time. I feel sorry for the girl who takes my virginity because I’m such a sexual disaster.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

But hey, there’s a good chance that no girls will ever have to go through that because I might never lose my virginity. I’ve previously written about my misadventures on craigslist and it seems I just never learn from my mistakes because I’m visiting craigslist again. The response rate is relatively low and I just get spam ads for sex sites most of the time. I sent off some emails a couple days ago and this time I haven’t gotten a single response, not even spam. I’m so lonely that I even miss the spam. That’s just sad and retarded.

I might as well join her and do whatever she's doing.

I might as well join her and do whatever she’s doing.

I may be young, but I’m getting older and I’m at the age now where most of my life, I’m used to seeing “working people” as people who are older than me. By working, I mean anything that pays pretty much: restaurant waiters, grocery store clerks, customer service representatives, actors, porn actors, and literally everything else. But now I’m at an age where I start to see “working people” who are younger than me. It makes me feel old, especially when I’m jerking off to a younger girl. I saw a video with a guy who looked much younger than me. I was pissed enough just from seeing a guy in my porn, but I actually found myself getting really mad that he’s so young and he’s getting laid while I’m still a virgin and he’s rubbing it in my face.

Just like how she's rubbing in everything I don't have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

Just like how she’s rubbing in everything I don’t have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

In the far foreseeable future, my only sex partner will be my hand. My intolerance for dicks in porn saddens me. Not because I want to be more gay-curious, but because I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of hot girls who appear exclusively in straight videos. Browsing through the titles, II recognized the name of a girl from lesbian videos. The girl was brunette and now she’s blonde and she looks great both ways. I want to add that to my rotation but there’s a damn dick in this new video.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

Because I’m only looking for lesbian porn, when I see the word “gay” in the title, I actually click to check and see if they might be using the term broadly to include lesbianism. As much as I hate seeing dicks, I actually don’t mind checking out a gay video just to make sure I don’t want it. Speaking of dicks, I had a long discussion with a friend about whether dicks are more often circumcised or not and we used porn for reference.

I won't post dick pics but this picture looks like there's a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

I won’t post dick pics but this picture looks like there’s a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

Even though I never use videos with dicks, I have seen a lot of them when I scan through videos. I have seen hundreds of dicks. It makes me sad to know how true that statement is. I’m circumcised and my friend is not. I thought that the majority of men in North America are circumcised and my friend thinks they’re not. We actually looked it up in wikipedia. If you think I’m kind of disgusting, then you don’t have respect for knowledge. To truly respect knowledge means you can casually google dicks with your guy friends for research. The findings are inconclusive and that kind of makes sense since we’re not asked about our penises in the census. What’s surprising is that I use porn as source that most dicks are circumcised but my friend insists that most porn he has seen do not have circumcised dicks and he claims he’s more knowledgeable because he watches straight porn, unlike me. He may have watched dicks longer than I have, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more different dicks because I watch (a lot) more porn. I’m an intelligent person and I realized that I might actually be wrong about the circumcised porn dicks. It’s true that I have seen hundreds of dicks, but I rarely see dick heads. I usually just see the shaft and I move on to the next video.

I'm so phallic-phobic that I don't even like the metal shafts here.

I’m so phallic-phobic that I don’t even like the metal shafts here.

I’m going to end this entry here. I actually have a lot more notes taken down but this entry is getting long and I’m getting tired of writing. I’ve been writing less lately and just generally been doing nothing so this has been a lot of work for me. You should appreciate it.

I'm going to go pass out on a bed except I won't be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.

I’m going to go pass out on a bed except I won’t be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.

Looking To Get Fucked From Online Dating

As a virgin, I spend many nights feeling lonely. I constantly cruise around dating sites and craigslist, looking to get fucked basically. I’d like to think I’m classier than that, but I ain’t fooling anyone. If sex isn’t on my mind at all, I would just call up my guy friends to cure the loneliness. Although I’ve never found sex, I’ve gotten fucked by online dating… more than once…

One time I went as far as buying condoms and brought wine to a stranger’s house and it turned out to be some kind of prank or something. In retrospect, I was a total dumbass for not calling and doing a voice confirmation first. This is one of those few times my cheapness bit me in the ass as deep as it possibly could. When the prankster told me that I didn’t need to call “her”, instead of being suspicious, I was thrilled that I wasn’t going to have to waste 25 cents per minute with the call but I ended up wasting ~$10 on condom and gas. This happened about a year ago and to this day, those condoms remain unused.

With my cheapness, I’m also cheap with my internet bandwidth usage. I was on a dating site once and decided to turn off all Adobe Flash features to save on whatever tiny bit of bandwidth I would save. As usual, I had no luck that night so I resumed working on my Flash games. At the time, making Flash games was my top priority in life. All of a sudden, my game didn’t work properly anymore and I had to spend hours and hours debugging it. Turns out, the feature I turned off on the dating site affected the Flash Player I was working with. Once again, no sex but I got fucked good.